I'm Going To Just Tie Him to the Tree
Did you know that Christmas trees can talk? They can. They say, "Here, kitty kitty!" over and over and over again in a high-pitched tone that only cats can hear.
Ali has confirmed my theory on this.
She says fake Christmas trees taste like chicken.
Fortunately, I am the Goddess of Christmas Trees, so I have a very complicated cat boredom system in place that works pretty well. I set the trees up early and ornament-free. Once the cats are over the novelty of the great indoors moving into the dining and family rooms, I decorate them and then quickly make them completely inaccessible with a mountain of wrapped gifts.
It works. Really. I haven't caught Ali munching on chicken-flavored tree limbs since the day I took those photos, which was like three weeks ago. She looks, but she does not touch.
Powder, in his infinite wisdom as the elder statesman of the house, is all *yawn* and "Trees haven't been exciting since my youth, way back in the days of those really cute girls with their blond hair and their annoying 'MmmBop' song." (Powder isn't much of a boy band fan.)
All he wants to do is sit by the Christmas trees. All. the. time.
Can't find Powder? Look by the tree. He never moves.
Or, that's what I thought.
Saturday morning we started herding animals so that we could run a few errands. Everybody with four legs has to go to the basement when we're not home because they're a bunch of jerks who enjoy trashing my house. We couldn't find Powder, though.
He wasn't under the tree. And, frankly, that was the only real possibility this time of year. He's got an ass grove built into the carpet there and everything. We were in a hurry, though, so we had to just leave and assume he was setting up a revenge plot against the dogs under a bed somewhere or something.
When we returned home several hours later, there was still no sign of him. Anywhere. The Christmas tree was all weepy and sad without it's partner, the dogs ran under the beds without being caught in a steel trap, and there was food left in the cat bowl.
Clearly Powder had ninja'd his way out of the house. Again. He has escaped without notice four times this year. Each time, we returned home to find him all, "Waaaah! SAVE ME!" on the front porch. Apparently he wants out of the house, but doesn't know what to do with himself when he succeeds.
Except, this time, he figured out something to do. He was NOWHERE.
We drove around the neighborhood.
We searched the woods behind our house.
We searched yards to and fro.
No fat white cat.
I even stood on the front porch and opened a can of wet cat food. That ALWAYS works, even though Powder is allergic to wet food and hasn't been allowed to eat it in over a decade. He's an optimist, that one.
He finally showed up after Mr. Husband walked around shaking a can of treats for half an hour. Which, of course, the stupid cat is also allergic to and not allowed to eat. But, whatever.
Nearly 24 hours. Powder was locked out of the house and stuck in the cold for nearly 24 hours.
He went straight back to his spot under the Christmas tree.
Until he tried to escape again today.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Reader Comments (12)
We had an inside cat who did similar things. Would try to escape, succeed, and not know what the heck to do. And, yep, he was a Christmas tree sitter.
Love this post. Hopefully he's okay.
You saved the day in my house! Chilla is begging for a real Christmas tree this year and I've been leery with having 4 cats seek, climb and destroy it. I caved in, but now I know how to keep them off of it. Wish me luck! And I'm so glad Powder came home. I was hoping for a happy ending.
I had a cat that escaped once...when she came back she decided that she would, EVERY day for the rest of eternity claim her 'land' by peeing on my Mom's Turkish rug. Every.Day.For.Eternity. When my parents moved to Virginia on 40 acres of land, she finally just let the cat wander free. She was rather happy to go out every day, and then sleep on our screen in porch every night until she got sick and died. Stupid outdoor cats.
We have two inside cats who started life outdoors. (they are rescues) Neither has tried to escape, I guess they remember what it was like and prefer being in the lap of luxury. They both however, do like climbing the Christmas tree. I spend a few minutes each morning replacing ornaments they knock off during their climbs.
That? is a really dumb cat. But so purty! Glad he is safe, though. That weather is fit for neither beast nor cat outside!
First off, I LOVE that you have an all-white kitty too. *swoon* Secondly, I am so fearful of introducing a Christmas tree into our apartment because of said cat. For what he does to my houseplants and cat grass, I can only imagine the damage to a WHOLE TREE.
I'm haveing a Christmas Vacation fried pussycat thoght going through my head. Not really a warning. Just an indication of where my head is at most times.
@Katie--That's the bad thing--he's actually pretty much the smartest cat ever. He turns on faucets when his water isn't fresh enough. He opens doors when he wants into a room (we have to keep the exterior doors locked). He clearly plots ways to escape unnoticed, and would always succeed if he weren't, you know, giant and white. :-/
I don't even think Smokey has noticed there is a tree in the house:/
The indoor cats I've had have often tried to escape. Which I totally don't get, because they don't really WANT to be outside where it's cold and noisy and stuff. It's bizarre.
I don't know if its cuz our black cat Zeke is older now (he's almost 12) or if its because we have an artificial tree, but he's no longer interested in doing anything but lying on the tree skirt. When we used to get real trees he'd climb them, but now? Nah...not so much! (The Zhu Zhu pet though - WOWSERS. He LOVES that thing!)
I remember the night that our huge, fat (32 pounder AFTER we put the adopted cat on a diet) big kitty Boo decided to jump up and climb the live tree. We awoke to the sound of a crashing tree and and breaking glass. Let me tell you- if a tree falls in the living room and everyone is asleep to hear it- it definitely makes a sound. I cleaned up glass and needles for 2 hours that night(and for several more days ) after righting said tree and putting the kids back to bed with fear of home invasion and body snatchers. Wish I had thought to decorate with large wrapped packages. You are too smart!