I'm Never Leaving, Am I?

IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T FIX IT, MILA.

Ahem.

Miss Mila has been a co-sleeper for like ... a long time. Go ahead and judge me and blah, blah, blah. I can take your mocking, especially if it makes you feel good about yourself. When it comes to sleep and tiny people, we can all use all of the good juju we can get, even if it's borrowed at someone else's expense. The thing is Mila is a GOOD co-sleeper. She goes to sleep easily and she leaves me out of whatever shenanigans come up during the night.

THAT is the key. Alexis was the opposite - she wanted me to be in the front row cheering her on as she struggled to stay asleep for more than ten minutes at a time. She also felt the need to wrap herself around my head while she kicked me in the chin.

Those were the GOOD nights. We won't talk about the bad nights.

So this thing where Mila's only expectation is that she will be able to rest her hand on your back all night? It's so good. That's really all she wants. She hasn't woken me up in the middle of the night without good cause in a long time.

It's the same "long time" since she stopped sleeping in her own bed, so.

Regardless, I wasn't complaining. I was getting sleep without a tiny person blasting chaos at me and IT WAS GREAT. We could have kept on that way for another several months, with my only goal being it probably should come to an end before Mila starts kindergarten. That seems reasonable.

But nooooooooo. Mila decided she was going to disrupt the whole thing now.

Out of nowhere (and by "nowhere" I mean "ALEXIS WAS TOTALLY BEHIND THIS. DAMN THAT KID FOR ALWAYS SCREWING UP MY SLEEP"), Mila got it in her head that she was going to sleep in her bed. Which, whatever. I'm not going to tell her no. I don't think. Actually, at the rate things are going, I just might.

Night one.

On night one of Mila Sleeps in Her Bed, Mila made it very clear that her expectations were that she was going to sleep in her bed and I was going to sleep in the chair in her room.

NOPE.

I love the kid to pieces, but I'm not giving up a nice comfy bed. I am not meant to sleep upright. So, I figured I'd let Mila fall asleep and then I'd take a little walk.

GUESS HOW THAT WENT!

Of course, every time I thought Mila was sound asleep, it turned out to be a trap. She was quietly lurking, just waiting to see if her prisoner would attempt an escape and then KABLAAM. She would pounce.

I got in a lot of trouble every time I tried to leave.

Eventually I got away, but not until after I had my life sentence extended by a few years. And then that only lasted about two hours because HOOBOY WAS MILA MAD WHEN SHE WOKE UP AND REALIZED I WASN'T THERE.

Mila burst out of her bedroom, staggered down the hall, and belligerently yelled about "Mommy's not in my room" as if it was the worst of sins. I am going to Preschooler prison for a very long time because an early escape is simply unacceptable.

Night two.

We're repeating the scenario. I am, at this very moment, sitting in the chair typing away on my laptop because Mila won't let me leave. I thought she was REALLY super asleep about half an hour ago but then the words, "Sit back down now," came drifting through the dark and I'm scared.

I'm scared.

My four-year old just may destroy me if I try to leave. It's a legit problem.