I'm Willing to Take My Lucky Ass to More Games for a Nominal Fee of $50 Per Hour
Mr. Husband and I took several days off this week with the idea that we HAD to finish some projects out in the yard before Olympic mud wrestlers tried to turn our yard into their official training space. That's not to say that we couldn't manage to squeeze in some fun, but then we went and screwed that up by going to a Pirates game.
No worries. I'm right there with Woy on the issue and right there with him in not paying for tickets. The only real reason I took the (free) tickets was because Alexis really does like going to games. A lot.
This particular game she spent whining her face off, but that may have had a little to do with her later episode of praying at the porcelain alter. Or, maybe she threw up because we made her watch a Pirates game twice in just over a week. Either are viable options.
(We could also blame the weather. It was a wee bit VERY FREAKIN HOT sitting in the stands.)
Anyway, when I go to games, the Pirates win. It's an interesting little phenomenon that happens, especially considering I'm willing to tell the universe that I think they'll continue to suck this year. I have been in the park once during a loss, but that particular game was spent at the playground, so it hardly counts. Normally, the sucking is phenomenal, but yet they manage to pull off a victory.
This game was no exception. Le suck; it reeks of suck.
There was a whole lot of rain during the first few innings, so there was a lot of this going on:
The guys in the red shirts are magical fairies who try to scrape all the suck off the field and replace it with magical Anti-Suck Dust. True story.
Poor McCutheon. He doesn't really suck at all, which just means he should get traded any minute now.
He's already practicing walking away from the Pirates action.
The last time I checked, there were significantly more people putting their money on the Pirates having a winning season this year than there were for my realistic/sane side. It fascinates me because, really, the number of players trying to catch a fly ball should not be even close to the number of people in the stands.
And yet, it is. This leads me to think that Pittsburghers are under the impression that Ginny and this guy have struck a deal:
Let me assure you, they have not. If you have an ounce of sanity, you will put $5 (or $10 or $20 or $100) on the Pirates once again having a losing season.
(Psst . . . I'll tell you a secret . . . I think NEXT year might be the year. Truly. This year? NO FRAKKIN WAY.)
This guy believes:
Which really makes me feel bad for him. There is going to come a day when he sobers up and realizes that the Pirates did that thing to him again. They put hope in those beer bottles, liquor you up real good, and then they smash your heart into a million little pitiful pieces.
This year, the pain is going to be greater because some really phenomenal prizes are going to the people who are sane enough to realize that the Hope Buzz is no different than a pair of Beer Goggles.
Next year they'll maybe hit .500, but it's going to be a very long time before they have to add anything to the pitiful World Series banners.
Even Kenny agrees.
Poor guy. I really home he gets to see a winning season before he retires from yelling, "LEMONADE HEE-EAR!" and "BEE-EAR HEE-EAR!" and "COTTON CANDY HEE-EAR!"
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Reader Comments (8)
hey!! who won the tshirt from the rocking pony?!
Seeing as I live in the land of the Nats and the Orioles (and the Wizards, Redskins, etc.) the Pirate suckage isn't that bad. It could be worse.
Sad, but true. As another strange coincidence, my husband has only been to two Steelers games. Ever. Both times they played the worst possible game of that season. And both seasons ended in a Super Bowl win. I think someone needs to make sure he goes to a game every year.
Whyyyyyy are you working full time, exactly? You could rent out for baseball games and car sales dickering. (And then you could use your profits to purchase a nice little padded room.)
Omg! I remember that "LEMONADE HEE-EAR' guy. He's still there? He sells at Mellon Arena events too. My hubby and I always get a good laugh when we see him.
oh how i love kenny! especially when he screams "coke ear, coke ear!" every damn time i see him i buy two of whatever it is that he's carrying simply because i feel compelled to lighten his load, unless it is cotton candy at the pens game. and meanwhile that man is probably in better shape than all of us combined!
the guy in front of me at the memorial day game was wearing a custom jersey bearing the name "losers since" and a huge number 92. of course i snapped a photo for twitter since i'm a sharer. BUT, i totally put my five bucks on the winning side of the make room for crazy. have to. just have to pull for the black and gold.
p.s. beer is good food with magical properties. mmmmmmmmmmm!
My Pirates attendance record this year is 10 wins and 2 losses, and I was at Sunday's game. My seats are right behind home plate on the top level, under the broadcast booth -- if you squint really hard, I'm the blob in white with the red hat sitting next to the person in black with the red hat, in the second to last photo. I should send you my tickets for those games no one wants them. Although strangely enough, I've had no problems getting rid of my weekday games. It must be the parking pass that comes with them. Even though I picked the opposite side in Make Room For Crazy (I can never root against my Buccos), I think you are right on about next year.
Omg. Lemonade guy. We can't ask for lemonade normally in this house. Currently my husband is in the kitchen yelling LEMONADE HEEAH!
I <3 this post so much.