It Wasn't Me

The only thing more certain than death and taxes is that if Mila gets sick, she will forget how to sleep alone for the weeks that follow. We're in that cycle right now, but this time is special. Super special. It seems that Miss Mila has completely lost interest in sleeping in her own bed, even if only for a few minutes.

For example, the other night I sat upstairs with her, rocking her to sleep. Her breathing slowed, she became heavy, all of the things. She was sound asleep for at least twenty minutes before I slowly moved her to her crib. As I bent to cautiously lay her down, Little Miss I Swear She Was Sleeping rolled right on over, stood up, and climbed back into my arms. It looked like a carefully choreographed dance, except it wasn't because OMG I THOUGHT SHE WAS ASLEEP.

Last night started a little better than that. Mila fell asleep, I managed to place her in her crib, and then I ran away without having a koala climb me. It was MAGICAL. Bedtime hasn't been a thing that could be accomplished in less than an hour lately, so the 30 minutes and then flee thing was a huuuuge upgrade.

It didn't last long, of course.

That is the other thing that has been happening lately. If I manage to get the kid in her bed, she'll wake up an hour or so later and demand that I rescue her from her terrible loneliness. Usually she's content to just head downstairs with me. She goes right back to sleep, albeit on the couch next to me.

She did that last night, too. Or at least I thought she did.

I swear she was sleeping. She had been laying on the couch for over half an hour. Normally I could invite the high school marching band over for practice and she'd stay asleep, just as long as she's on the couch.

She was asleep when I walked to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I SWEAR IT.

When I returned, not only was Mila awake, she was also holding the sucker I had taken from her hours before. Somehow she had flashed her way into the kitchen while I brushed my teeth and she had stolen that dumb sucker from the table. She returned back to the couch and happily licked away.

And that pretty much sums up who got the last laugh yesterday.

Hint: it wasn't me.