Just Call Me The Plant Murderer
For the most part, I am competent in the garden. I can identify plants and plant families and my stuff generally looks good and blah, blah, blah. Some would say I have a "green thumb."
I am here to tell you there is no such thing. Anybody who says there is? LIAR!
Conversely, there is no such thing as a "black thumb." There's the ability to figure out what is making a plant unhappy and knowing how to fix it, perhaps, but it's not like there's some invisible plant mojo that some people have that others don't.
Here, let me prove it, if only so it can make one or two people feel better about the dead stuff in their yards.
I have seventeen identical rose bushes in our front yard. They look absolutely amazing this year.
Photos really don't do them justice. Seriously, they're stunning right now. While I have carefully pruned them, amended the soil around them, and whispered sweet nothings in their . . . uh . . . leaves, I can't take credit for how good they look. If I did, I'd have to take the blame for this:
Rose bush Number 18 is sad. Like, REALLY sad. I'm probably going to have to replace it which WAAAAAH! The roses on either side of it? Happy. Last week it looked fine. A little on the small side, but fine. Then it got its panties in a wad and now I have no idea what it is so cranky about. There is it, mysteriously dying while surrounded by life.
Another mystery is this hydrangea:
I've probably had that thing ten years. It survived two moves, including one that came with a year of living in a kiddy pool. And, yet, it just decided not to come back this spring. Last fall it was huge and covered with blooms. Now? Nada.
Or, how about the Boxwood Dilemma? I have about 40 of them lining our front landscaping. Most of them are really quite healthy, but there are a couple that got bad frostbite this spring and decided to just give up.
There is no logic that can explain how a bush that is here can be fine while another one that is over there, a whopping six inches away, is suicidal. NO LOGIC.
Some other mysterious deaths include my delphinium which just plain vanished over the winter (I'm blaming all of that cold, miserable weather) and the purple variety of these:
There were two purple ones directly in front of that pink one. They were all intermingled last year, but this year the purple is gone. The pink is HUGE and happy, but no purple. WTH?
Lest you think my garden is full of failures, there are plenty of unexplainable successes as well. Like, these daisies:
I planted them from seed last spring with the thought that even if only one survived, the $1 for the seed packet was better than buying a full-grown potted shasta daisy for $10. Instead of just one, though, I have 20 . . . maybe 30? I have a hella lot of daisies is what I have.
And then there is my friend the peonies. I have three varieties of them, but I couldn't tell you which is what because they haven't bloomed in FIFTEEN YEARS. Seriously, I've had them that long. I know that they don't bloom because I move them too much and because I have a bad habit of planting them too deeply. But even when I try crazy hard to fix those two little issues, still no blooms. Until this year.
I literally did a happy dance when I saw that the blooms on that sucker had opened. A real, true, actual happy dance. Our neighbors must find me SO amusing, which I suppose is better than if they thought I was insane. Which they probably do. (They might be right.)
See? The people who you think have a green thumb manage to kill plants, too. Except, I prefer to blame the plant because, seriously, I did NOTHING to piss off that rose bush. Dammit.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Reader Comments (12)
Im seriously jealous. I'm in a constant fight to keep two window boxes alive. I refuse to plant anything in the ground since I'm only renting and don't plan on staying more than a year or two but I really wish something I grew looked half as good as yours!
@Sarah--Window boxes are hard because they dry out so fast that you almost need to water twice per day if it's hot out (or even more often). I've had the best luck with trailing petunias and any sort of annual geranium. They seem to do better with dry soil and compact spaces than most other stuff. The petunias are nice enough to tell you when they need watered because they wilt terribly, but then spring back once they do get water.
Regarding the delphinium, I had the EXACT same problem last year- the pink one survived and the purple one decided it had had enough of the world at the end of the summer. It must be a nationwide purple delphinium conspiracy since I don't even live in Pgh. I hoped against hope it would come back, but it didn't. I second the trailing petunias suggestion for window boxes, that's what I have in the front of my house where it can get quite hot.
Okay, so maybe it's just that some of us have less patience than you do with the whole thing?! For me, it is a lack of knowledge, patience, and time, so I don't even try.
I have a theory...you have dogs, right? Could that particular rosebush have been a favorite of Meg's? Or Cody's? I prefer to blame the animals (in my case, the NEIGHBOR'S animals) rather than take the blame myself.
And I'm so glad you mentioned the daisies - where in the heck did mine GO?!?! I had three or four beautiful plants last year and I forgot all about them! They are NOT there this year! Hmmmm...
@The Mommy--I would love nothing more than to be able to blame the dogs, but that rose bush is in the middle of a row of them (literally, the very middle) and it's on a slope. Neither of the monsters would be willing or able to stand there long enough to do the damage. BOO HISSSSS!
Dude, I still have a box of girl scout cookie with your name on them. They are yours once you tell me what to plant and where to plant it.
@tehamy--The price for that box of Girl Scout cookies just keeps going up and up!
I believe you! It is totally the rose bush's fault. Although really, I think it's just one of those things. Now the *hydrangea* on the other hand - those things are just MEAN and SPITEFUL and it's has NOTHING TO DO with my voodoo plant. Ahem. ;)
I miss having peonies. I've never tried to grow them here in Arizona but after reading your post I went and looked it up. And it looks like they can thrive here so yay! Now to hunt down a few and plant them in some out of the way spot where Mister C won't be able to mow them down.
Okay, evidently I've spent too much time in the heat this morning because when I searched for peonies in Phoenix and got great results it's because I forgot to specify which state. Evidently they grow great in Phoenix, NY. Not so great in Phoenix, AZ. Bummer!
Could Cody have had something to do with the rose bush? Our Ralph has plants that he prefers over others, and it's quite evident.