Just One of Those Working Mom Rants
I try not to complain about the challenges of working full-time while being a mom. I mean, there's really nothing to be accomplished by complaining. It's not exactly a choice, but it is where I'm at and there's no changing it at this time. All complaining does is create drama. Honestly, it seems that complaining just riles up those who stay at home. Both sides of the fence seem to get defensive when either side whines, as if we all forget that everybody has days that suck and that neither side has it worse. Just different.
But.
There is one thing that drives me absolutely bonkers. BONKERS.
WHY THE FRACK IS IT SO HARD TO FIND ACTIVITIES FOR MY KID?
If you don't work, you probably haven't noticed it. But, if you do work? You know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.
Karate classes. Alexis wants them. Alexis can't have them because every single place that is even slightly convenient for us runs 4-year old classes weekday mornings. I can just picture telling my boss that I can't be at a meeting because I have to run Alexis to karate class, but I'll be right back, so don't worry!
Swimming lessons. Alexis has been asking for swimming lessons for over a year. Alexis has not gone to swimming lessons because Momma can't get her to swimming lessons at 10:00 am on a Monday or Tuesday. But, hey, Random Swimming Lesson Provider, thanks so much for offering TWO WHOLE choices for preschoolers!
Dance classes. We had one choice in the matter that didn't involve me basically quitting my job--Saturday afternoons. I HATE having the class on Saturday afternoon because it means our day is completely screwed. Normally we like to do some sort of family activity on Saturdays. With dance class at 1:00, we won't be able to do that for the next several months. We'll deal with it, but I would still much rather take Alexis to class at, say, 5:00 on a weekday.
I know that all sounds petty because OH, NO!, my poor kid can't do something extra at a crazy early age! But, it's just the beginning. I know very well that once she starts school, there will be times that I will have to take time off of work because of concerts and shows and events that will be scheduled during working hours. Everyone I know deals with having to use vacation days to attend morning school events, so there is no doubt it is my future.
It just kinda sucks when you have a limited number of days off in a year. I'd much rather spend them at Disney World with her than in a school gymnasium watching her.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Reader Comments (39)
I have often wondered (OFTEN) how working parents manage to get kids where they need to be. Obviously the answer is, "they don't." I'm sorry.
i feel your pain. and i hate to say this but it doesn't get better when they hit elementary school either. i actually made *COLD CALLS* to everyone on a school roster to find someone who would be willing to drive my oldest home from an afterschool magic class.
yes, i made calls to people i didn't know. to this day, i shake my head over the things i did so my kids could do the stuff that the kids of non-working moms did.
I've noticed it too! I've looked at a couple of schedules recently and thought exactly that. Wait....but.....when do working parents get to do this? I'm so sorry that the answer is "They don't." It's just not fair. :( You'd think that there would be enough of a demand for places to add more evening classes to their schedules.
And don't worry, you can complain all you want about working mom issues to this SAHM. Each has their pros and cons and everyone has their own path.
I'm right there with ya. Our local Y is actually pretty good as far as offering activities on weeknights or early Saturday mornings, but usually there's only ONE option that is also offered at a time that BOTH kids can do something simultaneously. I tried registering the boys for swim lessons this morning and wouldn't you know it? I missed the start of registration by a WEEK and we're S.O.L. I can either burn two evenings leaving work early, running all over what feels like half the state or most of a Saturday. I'm not entirely sure I feel that strongly about them getting swim lessons!
I just encountered this for the first time last week when I investigated hockey for the kiddo. I figured it wax a few years off but then I saw a learn-to-play program for 3yos... at 1:30 on Fridays. Who does that?!? More confusingly, who with the time to do that also had the money to do that? I have so much to learn...
I know exactly what you mean!
We've decided to skip many things we might have otherwise enjoyed. But I've also been very lucky in finding a job that allows a LOT of flexibility (while probably sacrificing quite a bit of pay in the process). So now when hockey starts in the closest town that has it which is an hour away and its on t/r at 5:15 and I'm supposed to work til 5 I know I can leave at 4, stay late a couple other nights or work a little saturday morning to make up for it. I can also take a long lunch for those awesomely fun times like spelling bees at school (torture! the worst imaginable! not just my angst for my kid but all the kids), the talent show, parent teacher meetings and who knows what else.
I just try to save the 'flexing' for something that i know will really matter to my son. Showing off at the talent show being a stand up comedian - matters. Swimming lessons, eh, we'll just play a lot at the pool over summer and he'll figure it out eventually (and has lol). Sometimes I feel bad that I even have to have such discussions with him but I can see how thinking about things, talking them over together and deciding carefully have made him 1) a very good problem solver, 2) very appreciative of those special times we do get and 3) way more responsible and thoughtful than most 7 year olds I knew (ahem, myself and siblings) growing up.
He still says "Ugh, I wish you didn't have to work". And I just "ugh" and say "me too! but dang I like having this cozy place to live and yummy food and toys and doing fun things that happen because I work".
I still play the lottery about twice a month though LOL
It does suck. I have the luxury of being a stay at home mom now but I won't always. I worry about how I will juggle work and getting my kids to activities and seeing said activities. I remember my mom, who divorced my dad right around the time I started school, trying to juggle it. To this day, I am a little bitter that I was never able to be involved in anything extracurricular because my mom couldn't take the time off work to chauffeur me around. My mom never came on a field trip or brought in cupcakes for my birthday or helped with my girl scout troop. (Girl Scouts was the 1 thing I did after school and I was always the very last kid sitting at the school waiting to be picked up. I didn't mind so much but the troop leaders wanted to go home already.) She was never waiting at home to hear about my day. I don't want that to be my kids' memories but how in the heck do you have a job and still be there?
Okay - I didn't mean that as a "poor me" comment. LOL My mom did a fine job and I became very independent and mature as a result of our situation. There were just moments as a kid that I wished I could have Donna Reed for a mom.
Just playing the devil's advocate here, but there is the fact to consider that the people teaching these classes may consider it to be their full time day job and they want evenings free after work to spend with their own families.
Taking vacation days to go to a child's school event does suck. I don't recall my father doing that very often as he only got 3 weeks vacation/ year. My mom was a teacher and had more flexible afternoon hours, so she was able to come to more things, but in the end, if you have to choose between missing some school events or having a nice summer vacation, chances are Alexis will understand.
@Calliope--Except that the places ARE open in the evenings. They're open for older kids. The explanation I've always heard when I ask is that the little ones allegedly don't do well in the late afternoon. The only problem with that logic is that it's not true. I suspect the reality is that older kids have school during the day and scheduling little ones earlier is a way to make more money. ~~Michelle (burghbaby) ~~
I'm with you on this one and where I live I find the biggest offenders to be our local municipality. Talking about you Franklin Park. Sure they offer great activities but they're all during the week at 10 & 11 am! Our Y has good options but usually one class in the evenings and it is packed. I'm not a big fan of during the week activities so we do them on Saturdays but luckily have found them in the morning. We''d never make them in the aftenoon-- when would the yard work get done? Ha ha
I know exactly how you feel, and it doens't get much better when they are in school, either. The school always schedules stuff- if not during school hours - then early enough that I can't be home in time. And the ongoing assumption (in my small town at least) that there is a parent (mom) at home is a very frustrating one.
Having been a full-time then part-time and now SAH mom, I feel your pain. I've endured this for 11 years. Last year made enemies with the girl scout troop because they wanted to move the meetings up to 430p from 630p. It never gets better. You learn to pick and choose.
Complain all you want! A) It's YOUR site; B) whether we're SAHM's or Mamas who work outside the home, we're ALL Mamas. I can't STAND when either side gets defensive. It's hard for all of us because why? We're ALL Mamas! We're ALL chicks with awesome kids. We ALL need to shake hands and be friends.,
Anyway....I am a SAHM and HATE that there's crap for me to take my kid to do that's NOT in the late afternoon/early evening/weekend hours/days. A few of her friends are in daycare and can't go with us during the day. And, honestly? I want to do something with HER, not her AND the baby being dragged along. I want something that's all Morgan. And, Daddy wants to do something with her but, is never able to.
So, while I may not juggle a full-time job on top of being a Mom, I DO understand where you're coming from and wish there were more options offered.
Well, I only work 2 days a week, but I still know what you mean. I wanted to sign Dylan up for swimming, but the only classes offered now are on Saturdays at 4:30. Like you said, that pretty much renders Saturdays useless for everything else. The Y does have private lessons that you can schedule (it says "time varies" whatever that means). Of course you pay more, but in your case, it might be worth it? This is the main reason I belong to the Mom's Club. Between 50 women, someone usually knows who is offering what class and for how much.
this makes me want to start a business where i do nothing but take kids to classes while thier parents work. I love kids. I'm all about crafts and projects and playtime. (obviously my current job isn't that!) and it would really be a blast! hmm.
YES! Or music lessons. Why are they all during the week and none on Saturdays? We live so far out in the boonies and we work so far away from where we live and the kids go to school that it is not feasible for me to drive them back and forth for lessons during the week. On Saturdays, however, totally do-able. If only there were lessons to be found.
Believe it or not this was an issue for me as well as a stay at home parent. For many years we had one car. One car that hubs took to work because he worked from the car. So unless I wanted to try to arrange rides (but everyone that I knew worked during the day so that meant getting up at 5 AM to take my mom to work so I could have her car and pick her up again right in the middle of dinner time) I was SOL. Plus we lived in the middle of no where and walking wasn't an option.
Now it isn't so bad, although my Alexis's horseback riding (the working at the barn and the riding at the barn) pretty much takes up our entire weekend. Maybe Ariel should take up horseback riding as well, so that I won't have to travel.
P.S. Our school does a wonderful job of scheduling stuff so that working parents can attend. I hope the same is for your school district.
YES! Absolutely sucks. Or, everything is at the same time Saturday morning.
For swim lessons, if you wanted to trek all the way up to Cranberry Township, they offered them for a small fortune on Saturday mornings, or you can join a Y.
We only had one "activity" in my family: "Go outside and play."
Now get off my lawn.
Well that's what you get for working...
:P Just kidding.
It sucks. I've noticed that too. I'm lucky enough to be home, but with two very close in age, they can't both do the same thing all the time. That makes it tougher - who do I take where and what do I do with the one that isn't in that class? Just doesn't gel.
I've also, way back when, been in that boat of having to take off to be at your kid's school events. I never had vacation days because of it. The whole situation sucks. No matter which end of the spectrum you are on, working or SAH, the situation is broken.
Yes. This!
I work from home now so it's a little easier but I STILL WORK. So, finding times that fit our schedule is damn near impossible, especially in the summer. Oh RILLY, You can only have THREE CLASSES at MWF at 11 AM?!?!
My parents were both full time workers, but luckily worked for a family owned business so they were able to be really flexible with the comings and goings of us 3 active girls...but I still remember more than once being forgotten due to the "oh I thought your dad/mom was coming to get you" predicament. Honestly I hold no grudges...I really dont know how the hell my parents did it & can appreciate how challenging it had to of been for them. To their credit they rarely said no and we were supported and allowed to do whatever we wanted within reason and carpooling w friends was a must for all 3 of us a lot.
On the swim lesson thing specifically - check your local High School. I know when I swam competitively we also were certified life guards & swim instructors so we held after work swim lessons for toddlers to advanced at Baldwin High School at least 2 or 3 times a year for a very reasonable fee. I used to take the 4-5 yr old because I loved getting them in the water & they trusted me so I had a much easier time with them, but the classes were fun, parents could stay in the stands and watch and take pics and the hours were evening, 5 or 6 pm. The HS didnt really advertise the program because we also ran a daycare center as part of a child development program there and that was where we got most of the kiddies from...but it might be worth a look. All of the teachers were from the local swim club or HS swim program so it really was a good time...just dont know if they still do it.
Shoot, I never thought of that. And I'm VERY sorry. We took swim lessons the first time at a Y that had them in the evenings. Not sure if that's an option for you though... not sure what to say on the other stuff. xo
I hear ya. My problem (if it wasn't that I can't afford classes, which obviously takes care of any other problems I might have) is that the classes offered at 5, 5:30, or even 6 make getting the kids home in time for dinner, homework, and bed at a decent hour impossible. I'm rather strict about bedtimes (7:30 for Bee, 8p for Gracie), so there's no way to fit it in. I'm not going to shortchange them on sleep or make their lives super hectic because of an extra-curricular. So. My plan is to win the lottery. Money will solve EVERYTHING. :)
Oh funny - I just had a cry fest with my boss this morning about how I'm a horrible mom because I have to work and am cramming fast food into my son as we're late for Cub Scouts. (or wherever) Would love to find that 'happy medium' or 'win-win' situation that people always talk about. :) You're a great mom and Alexis will always know so.
I don't know if Penn Hills is near your neck of the woods or not, but the YMCA there offers Karate Kid classes on Saturday morning at 10. I studied with the guy who teaches them for years when I was in high school, and he's really fantastic, especially with younger kids.
My rant is about trying to do all this sh--er stuff as a single mom. But actually, because I am self employed, I have MORE flexibility to go to the during the day school stuff. The trade off is I HAVE to work a lot of nights, weekends, and 16 hour days with sometimes sporadic pay. But I tried working for someone else as a completely single mother (no other parent to help at all) and nearly had a breakdown trying to manage it all. I don't know how you do the 9 to 5 and parent, my hats off to you. That's actually WHY I am self employed! (well, I actually love what i do and no one offered to pay me for it unless I did it myself, so there is that too...)
We’ve been lucky since Husband is a teacher. Those weird 9:30am Tuesday swim classes can be taken during the summer. Only the summer, but it is something.
We’ve also found ourselves blessed with talented family. Several local family members are qualified to give instruction in everything from music to sailing. Dance is the only thing we’ve struggled to find a way to work out that Sasha has interest in, but we can try again this summer and hopefully a class will be offered.
He keeps telling me he wants to take astronaut classes. I kind of wish something like that existed. I might want to go.
I hear ya! We're not at the point yet to worry about classes, but even things like going to the zoo or the museum. Nothing is open past 5. I get especially bummed in the winter when the only option after work is the mall playground.
First, when you need to rant, you should do it. It's your blog and I hate, hate, hate when people get all defensive about "their" situation. As Kellie said, we're all just mamas - working or SAH. And you are doing your best. Obviously. Duh.
Second, I am a SAHM but having classes during the day isn't easy for us, either. I'm trying to figure out who in the heck goes to those classes? Moms with one child who stay home maybe? We have a million kids (or 4) and trying to individualize classes is tricky; if there were evening choices (which we thankfully had for swimming lessons), I could leave everyone else with Daddy and take the temporary "only" child. That works best for us. I'm not yet willing to give up our Saturdays, but I was *this close* to doing it so Baby Girl could take dance lessons (She said, "I don't need lessons. I already KNOW how to dance!" - Problem solved!)
Wow, I think you took the words right out of my mouth! I am constantly wondering how I'm going to be able to make it so my kids can do activities too. They are still little right now but for as far as I can see........I will be working. And Saturdays.......again, I feel your pain. Doesn't it stink to have to be so pulled in two different directions?
I haven't read comments so forgive me if I've repeated this information:
Check out Young Brothers Tae Kwon Do for karate classes. They have several locations and might have one out where you are. I've been really happy there and as long as Alexis can listen (which she seems to be able to do in dance) she can join a regular white belt class. Liam's white belt class had a kid as young as three as well as 6, 7, and 8 year olds and adults. They're used to dealing with the age disparity and generally split the class up a bit.
We've been REALLY happy there. I will warn you that it's not cheap. Feel free to email me for more information if you would like. :)
So, so true... When I was working part-time from home, I was able to get my son to Gymboree, tumbling class, swimming, soccer, and library storytimes (not all at once, of course!), and the only restraint was my work days vs. play days and his naptime (which actually cut my choices more than in half, a fact that annoyed me at the time). Now that I'm back to full-time, he has one choice - Saturday afternoon soccer - and we've decided to take a little time-out from that because I think he got burned out doing it this past Spring and Summer. I know I'm lucky that I still work from home, so I can occasionally sneak out to get him places, but that doesn't mean I can block hours out of my day to pick him up from preschool, transport him somewhere else, etc. When are providers of these services going to recognize they should have a broader target audience??
While I'm a SAHM, when I go to things (like toddler or family storytime at the Library), it's a LOT of grandparents that take their grandkids. I *REALLY* hope this next kid is unlike Alex WRT to sleeping habits, as he HAS to have a (nearly) completely dark room and quiet in order to nap (oh, and only in his crib or carseat).
Are you near any of the PSU campuses (I know there's a few near da burgh)? I took my sister to a swim class that was about 8 weeks long early Sat mornings ages ago, and they had little kids classes as well (she was about 12 at the time). I don't know if all of the campuses offer a swim class, but it wouldn't hurt to check. Also, the local handicapped kids' school has public swim lessons, which is nice, since their pool has a floor that raises to the kids heights, so there's a few options you might not have thought of.
Or you know, you could just go in the middle of the Mon and toss her in and let her figure it out herself ;-) (KIDDING!!!!!!)
Holy MUFFINS!!! I was just having this convo with my hubby the other day. I would love to get Elianna in a swimming class but they are all WEEKDAY Mornings. I got all $**&^%$ about it, but you are right, what is the use of complaining.
I hear ya! We found one place that is dance and gymnastics in Baldwin. That's the only reason my daughter does gymnastics but couldn't attend the summer session as that was too early. It really pisses me off that my youngest daughters school PTA does all of it's events on half days, right after early dismissal. Just because it's a private school does not mean I don't have to work to send here there. Teacher conferences too ugh!
Kid karate on Thursday nights in Oakdale:
http://houseofmartialarts.homestead.com/untitled5.html
and South Fayette Aquatics have Tues/Thurs night swim class starting October 14
http://www.southfayette.org/aquatics/documents/lessonrecswim-fall2010.pdf
:) My neighbors go to the karate, and I took my kids to South Fayette swim last fall. Both good programs!
Been there. Done that. Would've bought the t-shirt but the souvenier shop closed before I could get off work. :)
Surprisingly, it's a little easier with my boys in junior high and high school. Somewhat. At least, it was until the Teenager decided he was running track. Did you know that the Invitationals (Varsity meets) are an ALL DAY event??? And, since the athletes can only particpate in a maximum of four events, totalling 8.2 minutes for all of them, and never quite knowing how those events will be spaced apart you kinda HAVE to take the whole day or risk missing one event? Sometimes feels like a waste of a good vacation day.
Well, until his Senior Year "Hero" project, when he writes about how I'm his hero because depsite working well over 40 hours a week, I'm ALWAYS there for him and what's important in his life. That makes the whole thing totally worth giving up a vacation day or two.
Oh don't EVEN get me started. I wrote a whole business plan last week in a ranting email to my husband after completely bombing at finding a toddler tumbling class for under $50 a FREAKING MONTH that doesn't happen on weekday mornings. Let me know if you're interested in business partnering. This world is SO not built for working mamas, especially for a place that forces us to do so.