Kitty.

With the start of school came the loss of my backseat driver in the mornings. For some reason, Alexis would rather be on time for class than ride around with me as I drop off Mila and then head to work. Which, WHATEVER. Someday I will remind the child that she prioritized punctuality and attendance over hanging out with me.

Without Alexis in the car, my mornings are much tamer. Mila and Alexis together in a small space is a recipe for giggles. Lots and lots of giggles. Without the class clown, Mila mostly looks out the car window or says "More" then "Eat" then "More" because she firmly believes there is a waffle tree growing in the car.

Maybe there is, by the way. Somehow waffles do find their way to her face even when we're going down the road.

Earlier this week, our usual morning quiet was interrupted. We were maybe a mile from the house when it started.

"Kitty," Mila said.

"There are no kitties in the car, Mila," I replied. I could have been wrong, I suppose, but I was pretty sure my statement was true.

"Kitty. Kitty." Mila repeated.

"Nope, no kitties," I replied. I glanced in rear view mirror to see if perhaps there was a stuffed kitty sitting on the seat. There wasn't. No kitty toys or shirts or anything.

"KITTY. KITTY. KITTY." Mila's chant became increasingly insistent.

"There are no kitties," I replied. I knew for a fact I hadn't run over a cat in the road. None of our cats had escaped the house. I WAS SURE. There were no cat toys. THERE WAS NO REASON TO BE CHANTING KITTY.

Mila started to cry. As she became more and more upset about my apparent ignorance to the Kitty Concern, she started to slip in her pronunciation. "Kitty" turned into "Diddy." When she yelled "DIDDY. DIDDY. DIDDY. DIDDY," I had to give in and tell her the very long story of Sean Combs and his need to change names like other people change pants. He's not "Diddy" these days. I'm nearly certain of it.

"DIDDY. DIDDY. DIDDY. DIDDY, YOU EFFIN MORON," Mila said. (I'm paraphrasing.)

There were no kitties. Or Puff Daddies. Or Diddies. Or anything, really. The car was actually super clean since Alexis had just vacuumed up the half box of Cheerios that she and Mila were storing in the cracks of the seat. Yet, Mila became increasingly upset because KITTY.

It was a very stressful drive to daycare, is what I'm saying. We got there and nobody lost an eye or anything, but HOOBOY, it was close. It's always the worst when you find yourself arguing with a one year-old, you know?

Finally I burst out of the car and quickly walked to Mila's door so I could free her from the ghostly kitty that was apparently following her around. (Powder, was that you? You are dead, right?)

And then I saw it.

Just beyond Mila's reach, there was an adorable little pacifier. With a kitty on it.

It sucks when you're dumber than your one year-old.

Comments

[mumple]

The Howler was saying "Der" or "Der Der" for weeks before we realized she was saying, "Theodore" which is the Toad's real name. I'm just lucky she only ever got mad at him for not knowing what she was saying.