Less Than Perfect
I know I've mentioned it before, and if I weren't lazy, I'd find the post(s). But ... lazy. So, I will just repeat myself. The Big Kid in La Casa de Burgh Baby is a perfectionist. Like, WOAH. She's the kind of perfectionist that demands that she do something 100% perfectly the first time, or she quits. Oh, and she has to be THE BEST at that thing, too.
This is not a hereditary condition. I would like to take the blame for it, but I wasn't kidding about that lazy thing. That means I'm the kind of person who wants to be good at things, but just good enough to squeak by. For example, I have always been diligent about getting an A in every class ever. But, I know an 89.5% is an A just like a 99.5% is, so I'm going for the minimum amount of achievement necessary. I can find flaws in most everything I do, but I like flaws. They're fun. They also save time and energy.
Despite many, many, many conversations and life examples demonstrating such, Alexis can't wrap her head around the "try hard and consider that enough" thing. She keeps insisting on perfect. It's so bad that I've been calling her a "giver upper" just to get under her skin. It's pretty much the only thing that works. I tell her that she's a "giver upper." Then I tell her that she's right, she can't do it.
If there is anything the kid likes more than being perfect, it's proving me wrong. She falls for it just about every time.
Knowing how to pull the kid's strings has come in very handy this week. She's been going to a gymnastics camp with a very specific goal. She says I can't tell you that specific goal because she hasn't nailed it (PERFECTIONIST ALERT), but now that she's four days in, she is at least adding the word "yet" to the end of her sentence.
She hasn't nailed it ... yet.
She will because I said she can't, but first we had to fight about it a whole bunch. Yesterday was the worst of the battles. Alexis sat in the car, crying and sobbing and yelling because she hates gymnastics, the teachers are mean, she doesn't have any friends at the camp, she wants to quit, and her life is terrible. Oh, and I "don't understand anything."
It just so happens that Alexis' meltdown took place at the same time as a Mila meltdown. She was also crying and sobbing and yelling in the car, but she had a better reason. Her eyes were open and THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE, OMG. She just wanted to sleep. Sitting in a parking lot listening to your sister flip out is apparently not conducive to taking a nap.
I'm super tired of arguing with the big kid about being a giver upper, but I'm not yet tired of hearing Mila complain that she wants to sleep. Thus, I told the big kid to go ahead and be a giver upper, but go in to camp and shoosh because I QUIT. GO AWAY. BUH-BYE.
Let's just say it was not one of my finer parenting moments.
Today, Alexis was still mad that I forced her to go to camp despite her request to quit. As "punishment," she gave me the silent treatment all the way to camp. Which, HELLO, SILENCE! I probably should have been sad, but it was nice being able to hear the music in the car for a change.
Once we arrived at the gymnastics place, Alexis tried to argue that she didn't want to go in. I turned to her and said, "Go. Now."
I'm so empathetic. Obviously.
Alexis sneered at me and then went in, pouting the entire time.
After camp, the Alexis that emerged was a completely different Alexis. She was smiling and happy and all sorts of perky. She eagerly told me about how she had figured out that thing she's trying to nail. She thinks she will have it perfected very soon. Confidence was back in heart, she was smiling, and she was back to loving everything about life.
As we were driving home, I could hear Alexis thinking. She was doing that sort of grinding mental effort thing that looks painful to an onlooker. Finally, she told me what was on her mind.
"Mom, I think I didn't like camp at first because I couldn't do it."
OH, REALLY? YOU THINK? I didn't say it, but I thought it.
Alexis continued, "Why didn't you tell me that I wasn't having fun because I needed to practice more?"
And then my head exploded.
(PLEEEEEEEASE let Mila continue her Opposite Streak and not be a perfectionist. PLEEEEEASE.)
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Reader Comments (3)
I hope that Mila can teach her that ok is good enough sometimes. It is more about having fun than being perfect. :)
Maybe Mila will teach Alexis some things as they grow up together
i don't know...being a perfectionist seems like a good thing (says the girl who doesn't even really care about the being good enough thing)