Life Isn't Fair

I have a very long and very well documented hatred of teeth. Specifically, I firmly believe that teeth belong inside your mouth and anytime they are anywhere that isn't inside your mouth, I have a problem. They should also be SOLIDLY in your mouth, for what it's worth. So, just imagine how I feel about loose kid teeth resulting in bodily tissues left around the house so a sadistic fairy can swap the bodily tissue for cash.

It's all so very stupid.

And gross.

And wow have we been living the stupid, gross life a lot lately.

I am not here to take back any of the mean things I've said about loose teeth or teeth falling out or any of that, but Mila? MILA WINS.

It turns out that magical kids who spend all of their time conjuring happy don't have time to notice loose teeth. Mila occasionally will become vaguely aware that she has a loose tooth, but not really because we go straight from, "I have a loose tooth!" to her slapping that tooth under a pillow.

It's ... ideal. She has to lose those teeth, obviously, but her way of doing it tightens the whole process into just a few hours. And now? Now she's packing in two or three in a week and WOOOO! That's so much better than one per month for months on end.

I mean, the kid is basically toothless right now, but I didn't suffer along the way.

Which is why the Tooth Fairy has been a wee bit generous. She awards kids who don't torture their mothers. It seems right.

Unless you're the other kid who was evil and mean and spent months wiggling any loose teeth and making sure I saw when they were holding on by a thread. Apparently that kid completely remembers that the Tooth Fairy paid $1 per tooth and she is PISSED that the creepy collector of bodily tissues is now paying more like $5.

And to that, the Tooth Fairy says, "Suck it!" Torture your parents less than your sibling and it will work out for you.