Mean People Suck
I expected it to happen, but I didn't think it would happen so quickly or with so much viciousness.
"Your glasses are ugly."
"You look terrible."
"Those glasses are tragic."
At school, on the bus, even at dance class, Alexis has been ridiculed over the past few days.
Oof.
The good news is that she is still ecstatic to have the glasses. She loves everything about them. The bad news is that I can't escort her everywhere all through life so I can take care of the mocking myself. Kindergarteners shouldn't be saying these sorts of things and I'd be more than happy to make that crystal clear for them.
Alexis and I chatted for a bit about how sometimes kids are mean. They just are. We discussed jealousy and how sometimes kids don't pick the right words and most of all, we talked about what she thinks. She thinks her glasses are just like mine (which they are--it wasn't hard at all to figure out why she walked past the pink ones and selected the brown ones instead). If my glasses are "pretty" (her word), then hers must be, too.
But ... oof.
This growing up thing is hard.
(If you have any suggestions for comebacks Alexis could use, I'd appreciate them. So far she's rocking "Thank you" as her standard reply to mean comments.)
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Reader Comments (51)
Are you kidding me?!? Do I need to come up there and kick some kindergarten ass? I can't believe they would be so mean. Well I sort of can...but not until they are older. Man, kids suck sometimes. She looks adorable. Stupid heads.
Really? You aren't serious?! How horrible!! Mean people do suck! Both of my girls just got glasses themselves...and so far I think they've both been free of ridicule. So sorry she's had to put up with that, but I'm glad she still loves them!! I think "thank you" is the best comeback...It shows backbone without being nasty in return.
If it were me, I'd bust out into Tragedy by the Bee Gees to the "tragic" line, but I'm rather a trained musical monkey that way.
I like a simple, "Oh really? I like them." Because I've learned over the years that mean people can't really hang with simple statements of fact or belief. I love it when that happens. Throws them off.
(I am sitting here with glasses on my eyes with one of the sides broken off. When I saw hers pop up I said "Badass" out loud, and I've been wearing glasses since the fifth grade.)
Little jerks. Ugh. Hang tough, badass little girl who wears glasses.
She looks adorable! I really hope you get some good suggestions for comebacks, so I can tell my 1st grader! It is so hard to just let them deal with mean kids on their own.
Mean kids make me punchy. My Abigail (6) got glasses in the fall and she's been rocking them in 1st grade. A few of the boys in her class laughed the first few days she wore her glasses, but the novelty of picking on her faded. Sounds like you handled it awesomely (as usual). I always talk with Ab about being compassionate towards them because perhaps they don't have a family that makes them feel valued or loved, hence the mean. Still working on our own comebacks, but I endorsed some combination of "Cram it!" or "Your mom wears glasses". I do! And they rock.
She's got a good head on her shoulders, she knows kindness kills.
It just sickens me to hear that! I think her glasses look fantastic! My mother always taught me that when someone said something mean to me I should simply say, "I'm sorry you feel that way" and walk away.
@Kristen--That's an excellent line. I like it.
I've always liked "That's your opinion, and my opinion is that you're wrong." So cute that she wanted the same glasses as you. And yes they're pretty.
I punched a kid for calling me four-eyes in elementary school, but . . . I'm guessing that isn't the direction you're going for :-)
I like the suggestion of "I'm sorry you feel that way." To the point and turns it around on them.
It won't last forever, and you've already won the hard part with her being happy with them.
She's adorable in them, by the way.
Sad but true...kids are mean, and it starts in pre-school and does not end until graduation, if you are lucky! Glasses, braces, acne, hair, shoes, clothes...kids will find SOMETHING to pick on other kids about. My words to my kids? It is because they are jealous, so jealous that they have to pick hard to find something wrong with you and the worst they can find is your glasses/braces/etc. Jealous or just downright mean. My kids mostly let it roll off their backs (as I have told them to, told them it is so not worth it to entertain their comments or retaliate with anything outside of kindness...their time is better spent reading a book!), ignoring the instigator(s), but it is not easy to do.
My second grader has had to deal with a lot of mean comments and several bullies in her 3 yrs in school, unfortunately. In our experience comebacks to mean kids don't usually do much except make the mean kids try harder to bother others. It's taken a lot of coaching, but she has learned to ignore anything that is not positive and let it slide off her back. Maybe that sounds weak, but she's a tough little girl. She's realized that it's not worth it to get upset over an opinion that simply does not matter. Like Libby, we talk a lot about having compassion for kids who make fun of others because of what they may be lacking in their own lives, just to help her understand a little bit about why some kids do mean things.
It's sad that we have to teach such young children how to deal with ridicule. I'm sure the teenage years will be a real treat.
Good luck! She looks beautiful. :)
They are obviously just jealous because of HOW ADORABLE those glasses look on her. Seriously, could she be any cuter?? I think not.
But she's so cute!!!
How about "So what?" with a shoulder shrug? She's so fortunate to come home to such a loving family (and to be so gorgeous)(and to have great taste in glasses).
You can tell her, that her glasses look so cool that I immediatly started hating mine and need to get new ones (the first in about 20 years - so shopping is allowed). I wear mine only when I work long at the computer or have long car drives and this is why I did not care how they look like, but looking at this ... I also want to have so badass cool glasses that look cool and beautiful.
As for the return. I thought of something like: "Oh, you think it doesn't look good? Then you have obviously also trouble with your vision, too. I can recommend you a good eye shop."
I got glasses when I was 4 yrs old, with the power of +4. It was 1988, and the lenses were thick and frames super ugly... I hated them! Obviously I also got super mean comments at Preschool. My usual responses to them, depending on how I was feeling at that time, were: "Oh you don't like them? Neither do I! High five!" Or "Sorry if you feel so. I still have to wear them to be able to see."
I really hope Alexis doesn't have to deal with it for long, and the kids see how gorgeous and cute she is in those glasses!
Clark Kent wears glasses, and he's Superman!
I agree with you on the whole thing about who lets their kids be mean like that thing. I have a special needs cousin, and he didn't even get picked on like that when he was in school. They're glasses! There are TONS of people who wear them. And, you mean to tell me that none of those brats have seen a kid with glasses before?
Not that you want to think about it, but when she's a little bit older and rocking the glasses in a "nerd chic" kinda way, how many boys are you going to have to beat up to stay away from her? ;)
I think A looks beautiful in them! (And, they look kinda like mine - but mine are blue!)
Honestly, I like the "I'm sorry you feel that way" and just walking away shrugging it off. Personally, I love my glasses. So much so that I own three pairs to make sure all outfits can properly coordinate with whichever pair I pick that day. There are a lot of comebacks she could say, but you don't want her to end being mean, too. Just continue to teach her to be gracious and they'll probably get tired of saying anything. Give her a hug from me.
When I was in the classroom, one of our strategies with kids was teaching them that words are powerful. So as kindergarteners we'd have them say TO the person "is that helpful or hurtful?" so hopefully it would become habit in all of their thinking in an effort to teach them to think of that BEFORE speaking their nasty words to someone.
"I'm sorry you feel that way" is the best reply to a kid who chooses to ignore the hurtful aspect.
She looks adorable in her glasses!
PS. What the hell are the other moms doing at dance class not stopping that crap???
Kids like that make you want to lose all your clearances! I don't have any comebacks for you. How about, "you're glasses are ugly!" "So's your face!" Not mature enough? Lol
Yes, mean kids suck.
That's what I told my son when he had to start dealing with mean kids in kindergarten. Its what he says in his head while he tries to just give someone the "your mud on my shoe" look and say nothing. He realized no matter what he responded with got more from the mean kids.
I just showed my 9yo your post.
We started with the picture. (he loves your puppy pics cuz I'm a mean mom and won't let him have one)
He says "WOW! She looks SO grown up! Very pretty! Can I have glasses?"
Then I let him read what you wrote. First I heard him sort of gasp. Then I heard him sort of growl. Then he was just like "whatever, stupid people". Then he said "Mom, I remember when you told me what Alexis's mommy is telling her. I'm only just now starting to understand." (kindergarten to 3rd grade)
He started telling me how they had to do these lessons on feelings and stuff and how useless they were, they just gave the kids more ammo/words to torment with.
Just the other day I said "when we move (trying to buy a house), are you going to be happy to get away from the mean kids or will you miss your friends?" He said "there are going to be mean kids everywhere and I can make new friends anywhere".
Somewhere in the last 4 years that kid has figured things out, I think without my help LOL
Hugs to you and Alexis. She really does look so grown up sniff
Wow, snap, that 'comment' was an entire blog post in itself. Sorry
I think Alexis looks absolutely adorable. When her classmates offer negative remarks, she needs to tell them to grow up. She really should feel special about all the attention she's getting, they are just jealous because of it. People that are mean to others are not the people you want in your life; not a good reflection. Hold your head up young lady, you look classy. Love Aunt Linda and Uncle Paul
glasses make you smarter -- that was always what my Mom taught me to reply with & considering her audience I would say that is probably already the truth too.
Oh kids are ridiculous now a days. She looks adorable in them. So very glad she is still in love with them :)
Come backs "Thank you for seeing something is different about me, the different is awesome!" "I am sorry you think glasses are not beautiful, but I need them to see the beauty in all."
Tell her Emily thinks she looks great!
"Your glasses are ugly." - So is your soul
"You look terrible." - You smell terrible
"Those glasses are tragic." Your attitude is tragic
Kidding (sort of). She is a doll, and good for her for ignoring them. Kids suck.
oh DUDE. What the HELL??? There is no other way that a kindergartner learns that kind of behavior except from the adults in their lives. THAT is what is tragic.
At Maggie's birthday party, she opened a dress from my mom- adorable! white with black polka dots and butterflies all along the bottom! AND SPINNY!- and her "best friend" (Maggie's claim, NOT MINE.) immediately said "That's not a pretty dress." So then of course Maggie was iffy about the dress after that because her "friend' said it wasn't pretty. We had several chats about jealousy and people saying mean things because of it, and how maybe they don't even UNDERSTAND those feelings they're having but they say it anyway. Eventually she started wanting to wear the dress. But it took some convincing. Ridiculous!
Alexis looks beautiful and intelligent in those glasses :) She should never think otherwise!
I worried about this a lot when my Oldest Boy got glasses. As far as I know, no one has teased him (it helps that his best friend also wears glasses and the kids seem to think they're "cool" - something to covet instead of ridicule). I like most of the comebacks (including the snarky ones, but those are for at least 6th grade;). You're doing a GREAT job! I love that she wanted glasses like yours - she is a mini me!
Oh my god, are you kidding??? I can't even believe that Kindergarteners say things like this! She looks so amazingly adorable. I guess haters gonna hate. She can't help it that she's 50 bazillion times more beautiful and awesome than they'll ever be.
"Really? They help me see who the mean people are." (Personally, I would then push them up my nose with my middle finger, but you may want to go another way.)
She looks beautiful! I too started wearing glasses young (I think I started in first grade, but still). Unfortunately, kids just suck sometimes. As for comebacks, all I can think of is "that's o.k, you don't have to like them--we just have different senses of style" or even the "Oh, I think they're awesome, do you want to try them on?" might also work well (although, not sure these days kids would want to share their glasses with others what with lice, etc....)
This hurts my heart. I got glasses in 3rd grade and I don't remember being teased about them until middle school. I came home begging my mom for contacts because the kids were so mean. Tell her to just smile at the mean kids and say thanks... and teach her that regardless of what she gets made fun of for, roll with it and let it go. That attitude will help her so much later in life. I know that from experience :)
In what world are we in that kindergarteners know how to use "tragic" effectively in a sentence? I think her glasses are kick ass!
I've been trying to post a comment on your last few posts but haven't been able to. Glad it is working now!
Alexis just looks ADORABLE!!! I think she is just the coolest kid.
Mean kids suck. Seriously. Where are the parents teaching kids to be KIND these days?? ARGH!!!!!
"You're glasses are ugly." - mean kid
"You kiss your mama with that mouth?" - beautiful Alexis
"I don't kiss my mama at all!" - mean kid
"That explains a lot." - beautiful Alexis
Okay, that might be more for middle school, but she is such a smartie it still might work. ;)
When I was in 6th grade I had to take my brother, a second grader, lunch money. One of his classmates walked up to me as soon as I walked in the door and said "You're ugly!" My comeback was "Obviously you haven't looked in the mirror lately since I know I'm much better looking than you." I was later informed that when I walked out the door the kid said something ugly and called me "four-eyes." Little brother walked up to the kid and said "HEY! That's MY sister and only I can call her four-eyes!" I couldn't have topped that comment if I had tried!
Alexis should tell them that she likes her glasses and she thinks they look pretty. It's more difficult to tease a person about something that they're not self-conscious about.
I personally like "wow, that wasn't very nice." and then walk away.
a little shame/embarrassment when you say something you shouldn't never hurt anyone. :)
I thinks she is rocking in her glasses. A simple Thank you or I'm sorry you feel that way are the best answers. Your kid is so cool. If I had been lucky enough to have kids, I would hope she would be as well adjusted as Alexis. You are a great Mom and I am so glad that I get to take part in your world. (Ok, maybe Ihave a little blog crush, hope that is ok)
great. i am 40 years old and want to spank entirely too many little kids who are behaving like jagoffs.
alexis has such a kind and loving heart. so thankful you are helping her keep it.
only comebacks i can possibly suggest are the ones where she makes certain the mean kids know she doesn't care about their opinion. teasing often ceases immediately when no response is shown. so the suggestions of "too bad you feel that way" or "that wasn't very nice" or "really, because i like them" are all i came up with as well. other than giving one of those bullies a bloody nose.
p.s. i love that she picked her glasses based on yours. she is right that you make them look pretty, ya know.
Her glasses are ten times better than the ones I wore at that age (think giant, thick pink frames that overtook my tiny face). I didn't get contacts until 8 years later, so I heard everything there is to be said about glasses. Being able to see was a lot better than squinting to see the board or having my face two inches from my desk to read. Not sure what kind of comebacks to use, though. I never really said anything back.
Personally I like "I'm sorry you feel that way" and "wow, that wasn't nice" although I would say I used to which was "4 eyes are better than 2". I started wearing glasses when I was 1-1/2 years old and I can tell you there were no rocking glasses in 1964. I HATED my glasses - all of 'em. When I had surgery to correct my cross-eyedeness (it is so a word) I stopped wearing them for a time. Had to start so I could see distance when driving. My son started with an eye patch at 2 years old and is still wearing glasses at 15. I don't remember kids being jerks when he was little but then again he's sort of the class comic so he diffused a lot of stuff by humor.
Tragic? Wow. Kids these days...
Anyway. I've been wearing glasses since third grade, and bifocals since I was eighteen, and my currently glasses look almost exactly like Alexis's (and so I guess yours, too), except they're black on the outside and blue on the inner, face-facing parts. I think she's absolutely adorable. Tell Alexis that those kids don't know a good thing when they see it, and in a few years their brains will catch up to their mouths.
Personally, I'd respond with "I know you are but what am I?" Buttt I may not be much more mature than a kindergartner myself.
She is cute and adorable. I have a six year old in the first grade and she a little extra weight on her belly. She was told once to go a diet by this girl. The girl got in trouble for bullying. This one girl bullied her a couple times in the cafeteria about what she was eating and it would make her fatter. Ugh. Anyway, that girl got into trouble too. So sorry your little girl goes through that at school.
My favorite comeback that I've been telling my 1st grader to say when kids are saying mean things to her. "Hey....you dropped your arm!"
I hate hate hate that kids are like this already, in kindergarten!!!!! and yes, I said hate. all this has to start at home, I mean - where else could they possibly hear this kind of stuff?
I now an appropriate age to teach her what the bird is or tell them they are number one and walk away? j/k but man wouldn't they look shocked.
I think her responce is perfect. It's way more mature that is for sure.
She looks very pretty in her new glasses. So grown up. That part isn't cool at all! What happened to that squishy baby face?
"AND?"
Lol
I'm glad she has you, even if you can't put kindergarteners in their place. Ugh.
Where on earth did kindergarteners learn to say something is TRAGIC?
Kids these days are growing up far too fast. Sorry Alexis is dealing with this. I wish I had a comeback for her, but I don't. I just ignored the kids who made fun of me in glasses. :(
PS: It took me awhile to find it, but here's a "girls with glasses" series of three posts when a mom had a similar issue and wanted to encourage her daughter. http://thismamamakesstuff.com/?s=%22girls+with+glasses%22