Mila and Donald are Basically Twinsies

Tuesday

Sep292015

There isn't much you can count on with a toddler, but you can be sure that no matter what the mood is, it will change. Very quickly. Like wooooosh! Happy to sad! Gleeful to angry! Sweet to hulksmash!

Unless it's a terrible, no good, very bad day, that is. In that case, the mood lingers like the odor of a sippy cup filled with milk left under the seat in your car for two weeks.

Yesterday was a terrible, no good, very bad day in Mila's world. She was half battling a cold, half trying to cut a tooth, half exhausted, and half frustrated that I'm so bad at math. Miserable was what she was. Between her yells and her fits, I described her mood as somewhere between fire-breathing dragon and Donald Trump.

That's when it dawned on me. Mila. Donald Trump. They're basically twinsies. YOU GUYS.

Donald Trump is a toddler. I can prove it.

1. Hair check! Who has crazier hair, a toddler or The Donald? It's a really close contest.

2. A real conversation that I've had with Mila many times goes like this:

Mila: "Up!"

I bend over and pick up the child.

Mila: "AAAAAAAAARRRR! I HATE YOU! PUT ME DOWN! YOU JERK!"

Me: "So you don't want up?"

Mila: "UUUUUUUP! OMG YOU ARE SO STUPID! I SAID UUUUUP!"

Ask Donald Trump to give his stance on basically anything and you'll have the same argument. He said this, but no he didn't, and didn't you hear him already say that? HE DID NOT SAY THAT, STUPID.

So confusing.

3. One of Mila's favorite things to do is to throw her water cup. Screw the consequences, she has no use for that water. Water is stupid. Water never helped anyone.

The same could be said for The Donald's attitude towards immigrants. They're useless and stupid. Just like water.

4. Toddlers and Donald Trump have nearly identical planning skills. For example, yesterday Mila had a great idea. She discovered that refried beans are amazing. Everybody likes refried beans! They should be shared, even! With all the things! So she rubbed refried eyes in her eyes.

It totally makes sense. If refried beans are delicious in your mouth, they should be even more delicious in your eyes.

Donald Trump's "tax plan" is just as well thought through as Mila's refried beans plan.

5. Argue with a toddler. Argue with Donald. SAME RESULT!

6. The faces.

7. Have you ever tried to have a conversation with a toddler? One second you're talking about eating dinner an the next thing you know aardvark economy genius.

Oh, wait. That's Donald that switches topics mid-sentence.

OR IS IT.

8. True story: While walking through a corn maze this weekend, Mila became absolutely certain that the direction we were headed was wrong. It was her way or nothing at all, dammit. SHE WAS RIGHT. THE END. STOP ARGUING.