Misery Loves Company. Or Something.
Life is not fair. This I know. However, when it's 2:00 in the morning and your kid is screaming her head off in absolute agony because she does NOT do sick at night, I feel like the misery should be shared. When it isn't . . . SO NOT FAIR.
Alexis is like a vampire when she's sick, and not the *sparkle*sparkle* jail-bait type. By day, you'd never know anything is going on. She's chipper and sweet and can't be stopped. When the sun sets, however, she turns into a monster on par with the love child of the Incredible Hulk and Cruella DeVille. She's bringing everybody down with her. By force.
But Mr. Husband can sleep through Cruella Hulk's screams, thrashes, and growls, even when I kinda sorta maybe shove her all up in his business.
(She and I sort of agree on the whole Misery Loves Company concept. She doesn't do miserable alone, and I don't think I should either. So shoot me. PLEASE.)
Friday night I did everything within my power to share the misery, but SOMEONE slept through it all. I don't know how the hell he does that, other than maybe he has an on/off switch and I WANT ONE GIMME GIMME GIMME. As Friday turned to Saturday, Alexis didn't much improve in her sicky ways, but she did morph into The Good Sick as the sun rose over the land.
We spent Saturday snuggling, me secretly cursing He Who Deserved that Kick to the Shins I Gave Him at about 4:00am. While I would have liked to have gotten some yard work done before it turned Way Hot, I was OK with hanging out with the cuddly little beast as we watched movie after movie.
Until she started puking.
On me.
I let her have a drink of water and she thanked me by hurling it all over my clothes.
Twice.
SO. NOT. FAIR.
As they day went on, I managed to change clothes four times thanks to the sweet little puke monster that was attached to my side. The last wardrobe change came just in time for me to head out for the Pirates game. We had originally planned to attend as a family, but since recent Pirates performances have made even well people barf all over PNC Park, we figured Alexis was best left at home. Mr. Husband was a rock star for volunteering for Sick Kid Duty while I went out and had fun. But, let's face it, he *SO* totally had earned his way into a few hours of solo parenting.
During the game, I texted him a few times to see how the kid was doing.
First, she took a nap. I was stunned as I had spent hours trying to get her to do exactly that.
But, whatever.
After the nap came word that she had asked to eat something. Surely, I thought, the time had come for Mr. Husband to get a little taste of the puke monster medicine. When he said he had given her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and some milk? I very nearly fell over laughing. I'm a big fan of gateway foods when Alexis is sick, and peanut butter and jelly and milk are waaaaaaay far away from the foods I let her start out trying. I mean, he skipped crackers and plain bread and water and, well, really I only ever let her eat crackers because I'm evil like that.
NOTHING HAPPENED.
Apparently magical unicorns and leprechauns and the Well-Kid Fairy visited during that nap because Alexis recovered just in time to have a pleasant evening home alone with her dad.
SO. NOT. FAIR.
I'm going to figure out a way to teach that kid how to share her sick misery with EVERYBODY and not just me. Eventually.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Reader Comments (13)
So glad she's feeling better and hope you get some better sleep tonight. If it makes you feel any better (it won't) one of my dogs walked in the door yesterday after playing outside and puked on my foot. No warning. No reason. Just walked in and yakked all over it.
oh yuck, that's no fun on a holiday weekend! (or, really, EVER.) Glad she recovered, even if it was JUST IN TIME to give Daddy an easy time ;)
So not fair! My husband is the same way, he can sleep through anything and has. He also refuses puke duty, says it makes him queasy, no kidding!
Glad to hear Alexis is feeling better.
My kid puked on the dog this weekend. It's been a fun one huh? Glad you got to go out a bit. Karma is in your favor and maybe next time, she;ll puke in his golf bag.
I feel for you! My daughter used to projectile vomit on me all the time. Her father would sleep through it too.
The thing is, she still comes home and wants me to take care of her when she's sick, and she's married. (Hugs)Indigo
You need to teach her to aim for daddy next time she feels the need to hurl.
She seemed perfectly fine Friday evening. Juliana would never settle for Scott when she is sick. I sent him to her room once in the middle of the night when she was sick and she turned him away and demanded me. He was only to happy to report that news back to me.
I'm trying not to laugh, but the Howler does this projectile vomit magick thing that will curve around Daddy to hit me. Even if I cower behind him. She wouldn't puke on Daddy if her life (or mine) depended on it.
Glad she's feeling better--just in time for the heat!
Wait...did you...make a Twilight reference? ;-)
I highly recommend setting off your car alarm the next time and see if that wakes him up. I swear I read some study that the #1 thing that wakes men is car alarms and then don't you know a few weeks later in the middle of the night our car alarm malfunctioned and went off in the middle of the night. My sweet husband alarmingly woke me up and as I'm about to jump out of bed and run into our daughters room cause something is obviously wrong based on how he's acting and he says no, no - the car alarm is going off!!!
He also sleeps right through our daughter waking up but let that car alarm go off and watch him sit straight up!
We tried giving Alex a piece of a hard taco shell, and he choked on it. While I was making him gag to get it back up, DH was standing there gagging and nearly hurling himself. *sigh* I guess it's a good thing that I'm a SAHM and 16months of breastfed poopy diapers (and one day of pukey kid) has mostly cured my gag reflex for gross bodily stuff.
My kids' preferred puking spot is on me. I can catch puke in my hands like no body's business...especially if the puker just ate a blue Popsicle.
I also have a husband who can sleep through babygeddon. My solution...earplugs for myself. At least it starts us on a more level playing field.