Mommybloggers Are the Worst Parents, Right?
I got one of those comments today . . . one of those comments that essentially boils down to, "Get off your computer and be a mom." Thanks to the magic of Woopra, it was easy to figure out that the person who left the comment had never visited this site before, was here for a few seconds, and didn't come back. In other words, it was Copy and Paste Troll, likely working his or her way around the internet spreading good tidings of cheer and stupidity.
Easily dismissed. VERY easily dismissed.
Except, you know, the message behind the comment is out there. There are people who hold the theory that if you are blogging about your kid, you aren't taking care of your kid. Maybe there are people who genuinely have addiction issues and get lost in the world of social media. Maybe there are people who need to put down the iPhone and try talking to the people in front of them. Maybe there are people who take it all too far. Maybe.
But.
But, I can easily dismiss that sort of theorizing for one simple reason: blogging makes me a better parent.
It's true.
I could go on and on about how this little website has helped me to do my most important job better, but really it boils down to one word: awareness.
Thanks to the community, I'm more aware of what of what works and what doesn't. She taught me to accept my kid for who she is. She taught me to jump into those silly moments and take photos so I can relive the moments later. She taught me that open communication doesn't have to stop when kids hit the teen years. She taught me that it's OK to be the bad guy from time-to-time. So many people have taught me so many things . . . it's absolutely amazing.
More important, however, is what I've learned from myself. I want to be the parent that I "play" on this site. I want to make the best decisions possible. I want to give Alexis every opportunity I can. I want to the best parent I can be. I don't like it when the stand-out moment from a day is full of parenting fail. Rather than wallowing in those failures (and there are plenty of them), I try to really learn from them, think about them, and find a way that I could have handled the situation and walked away proud of myself. Proud enough to write about it here.
I can honestly say that this site is an accurate reflection of who I am. I'm proud of that fact. Blogging has forced me to really evaluate myself every single day.
I'm often asked why I post daily (and essentially have for over four years). There's lots of reasons for it, but one comes down to making sure I'm being the best parent I can be. Every day when I sit down to write, one of two things happen--either I immediately know what I'm going to write about, or I have absolutely no clue what I'm going to write about. When I don't know, I ask myself a question, "What made today different than every other day?" If I can't answer that, I know that I skated through the day. I didn't pay enough attention to Alexis, I didn't provide enough opportunities for a unique sort of day, or I just plain called it in. Regardless, it makes me aware that I need to do a better job the next day.
Kids are the ultimate source of blog fodder. I just have to live life fully enough to notice what mine is doing.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Reader Comments (40)
Ok. That person has pissed me off... Granted, I'm really cranky lately, but....
Heck yeah, this site is YOU. And the site of one of my favorite little people, Alexis... Truly. Blogging, I think, perhaps could help you to be a better parent. What do I know? I'm not a mom... but I know that blogging has made me, personally, a better person, it's also given me so many adult and kiddo friends that I can't even list them here!!! I love that!! And it's given me more than enough education for when I spend time with my niece!!!
Anyone who thinks that you, or any other mom that I know here in the Burgh, just sits at their computer writing & writing and ignoring their kid/children is OMG so wrong... RIDICULOUS.
Every child that I've met through the online friends I've made, I've hung out with or baby sat nearly all of them.... they are truly great kids. They are not lacking anything.
Obviously, whomever said that is ignorant... (even my sister finds time to get online, as do her mommy and me friends!!!) HAH!
Pay no mind to the trolls, dear. There are oodles of people here that have your back.
Carry on...
I just hate the attitude that parents are sometimes faced with. If we spend time online it's "get off the computer and be a parent already!" As though we can't possibly be involved, loving, and guiding parents just because we happen to own a laptop and use social media.
In the same breath we get crapped on if we're over-involved or spend lots of time with our kids and don't make a life outside of being a parent. Some days I feel like the rest of world looks at my choices and judges me harshly no matter which way I turn.
And I think that sucks.
We're all here doing the best we can in our lives, whether that means trying to be best parents we can be or it means making sure the cat is fed. What is so wrong in some random stranger's life that they need to jump on a simple Mom blog and crap everywhere?
I live the life of a stay at home parent and it can be a damn lonely place at times. I suspect that all those Moms who have blogs or are on Facebook a lot that whatever nameless troll out there hates so much are just like me - looking for a little contact with the outside world. A way to break up the constant babble of small children (for mine are young yet) with some kind of adult interaction. I say, thank God for social media. I'm a saner, more centered, and better person and Mother for it.
I agree completely. Blogging has made me appreciate the everyday with my kids and so much more aware. True, it's mostly because I'm looking for stories to share, but even when there are none I still reap the benefits.
I've often thought that if I were able to meet you that you would be JUST LIKE your blog in real life. Some people, I'm not so sure. But YOU, yes.
I love that you feel this site makes you an even better parent. And I totally agree.
Dude? You are amazing. I can say for a fact that your blogging not only makes you a better parent, but it has made me a better parent as well. I find myself regularly asking, "What made today different from every other day?" as a direct result of you posing that question. And you are right - I know that when I can't answer that, it is because I wasn't 100% there.
And what do people who don't blog do after their kids go to bed at night?!
so. well. put.
You? Have taught ME that I'm not alone in focusing on the awesome, fun, joyful things my kids do, rather than the not-so-joyful. You've taught me that learning from the good in my parenting life is so much better than just learning from the bad. That despite what other, well-intentioned I'm sure, people may think.... it is so not a bad thing to just stop and enjoy my children--guilt free.
And although the boys have now declared certain songs absolutely off-limits for me to dance to (because apparently, I can't dance), they will grow into men who are able to enjoy LIVING their lives with their chosen mates and potential children....because their mom didn't listen to the people who told her to grow up and do only what was "acceptable" parenting. No, their mama listened to her heart and did what it told her was the perfect way of parenting HER children.
I am so glad we're in this blogging world together.
In another day and age you would be writing these same things in a diary or journal. Keep it going; and don't let anyone dismiss your creativity. When Alexis is older (and if you have saved the blog) she can read about these memories.
I personally find that it's a good thing that my kid can occasionally entertain herself for 30 minutes while I take a break and 'play on the internet'. Letting her learn to play by herself is certainly NOT bad parenting, that's a life skill! Trolls be damned ;)
And you are absolutely right about blogging teaching us how to live in the moment and pay attention more. It sounds crazy, but that's exactly what happens.
oh I'm a way better parent because of blogging. And what is this Woopra you speak of? Must check it out...
I feel the same way. I just recently found your blog and I love it!
I was so going to write about this, based on our convos, but you've done a much better job than I ever could.
Also? How could you have learned to accept your child for who she is because of me?! I LEARNED THAT FROM YOU!
There is nothing wrong with blogging about your kid.
Back in the day, mothers kept baby books--little scrapbooks about their kids developmental milestones, photos, cute little 'moments' like first haircuts and adorable sayings.
Now mothers blog.
I really fail to see what the difference is. Except we killed less trees in our little memory troves.
I was just telling my husband that I am so glad I blog, because it changes your mindset. Suddenly, you are always looking for "the story" - the funny, beautiful, interesting, amazing things about each and every day. It makes you more "present".
There have been moments when my kids have said that I like my computer more than them, and that stung. I am writing a book (on my computer), I grade student documents (on my computer), I communicate with students and colleagues (on my computer), and I blog (on my computer). I guess I see their point.
That being said, I know they are proud of the work I do on this computer. They tell their friends about my blog and book, and they actually just started their own blog (they are 5 and 7 and it is super-cute: http://gideonandhenry.wordpress.com).
So... I try to be present and turn it off when I can (even scheduling non-work times), and when I can't, I just tell them this is how we eat.
I agree with you (which makes me right, right?). This blog thing is like a giant support group for me. I learn so much from everyone and try hard to contribute what I can. I get back much more than I offer and put all that into my family and my own life.
Let's begin a chant, shall we? Screw the troll! Screw the troll!
Talking to other parents is what makes you a great parent. It doesn't matter where or how you talk to them, just that you do. If social media has taught me anything it's that the word "friend" needs redefined or at least looked at differently now. I've made more "friends" and talk to those new "friends" more on Twitter and through blogs than I do some of my best friends in the "meat world." True story.
Trolls have kept me away from blogging. The urge to track them down is too great for me to handle.
if i were a mom, i'd like to be the kind of mom that you are.
SO well said! The parenting blogosphere and having my own blog have absolutely made me a better parent. As well as a saner person. I'm so thankful for you and your blog.
I agree 100%, that last paragraph really hit home for me. There are days that I am so tired when I get home from work, it's so easy to go on autopilot. I need to take YOUR words to heart.
Even though I am not a very good/consistence blogger, I know reading other blogs makes me a better mom, as does tweeting with others. It makes me feel more 'normal'.
So I say to hell with the troll!!!
This was a great post--thanks.
Great post! You are an excellent mother, and I agree that blogging has helped me in so many ways, too!
I'll drink to that!
It's amazing how I feel that way, but sometimes the fear of the judgment holds me back. It's hard to overcome that sometimes, but when I do, I'm always glad that I did.
Trolls be gone.
It doesn't matter if you do or if you don't. If you are a parent you are open to criticism in line at Target or on-line on Twitter. The on-line world has made it easy for more people to make knee-jerk critiques, that's all (ala your cut-and-paste troll).
Stay the course, woman. Sounds as if you & yours are fine.
I'm guessing that person didn't have any kids of her own. Sort of like the 20 year old fresh out of school pre school teacher who tries to tell you how to raise your kid but never been with any kid longer than 6 hrs in a row.
We'll talk after you haven't slept for 72 hrs because you were holding a sick screaming kid, all while covered in their puke.
Other than the obvious, what I love about your blog is that it makes me remember MY children at 2, 3, & 4 years of age. It sounds silly, with the Howler just coming up on turning 8, but those Alexis moments that you celebrate so wonderfully here help me relax during the drama that is 8 years old, and remember my Howler moments much more easily. Thank you (and Alexis) for that.
I definitely think that blogging has helped me to be a better mother. As someone else said above, being a SAHM can be incredibly lonely. A friend and I were just talking this morning about how we're both struggling to find other moms in our area that we can relate to or connect with. The blogging world helps to facilitate that, even if it's with people we'll never get to meet in person. And to have something that you say resonate with someone else? It's a great feeling and huge source of support. For me it's also a project that I can call my own. And like you said, it does help you identify what makes each day stand out from the rest.
You're a great mom......and reading your blog was what inspired me to start my own. Rock on.
Beautifully said!
Well put. I value my blog for a lot of the same reasons. And, the online mommy (and daddy!) blogger community is SO TIGHT, it makes me want to hug everyone sometimes. I've learned so much not only by posting my problems on my blog, but reading other people's problems on their blogs. Blogging is like journaling, but with feedback. No one would jump down your throat about a journal, so why about a blog?
Trolls are dumb. Haters are dumb. Troll haters can just go ahead and suck one.
I wanted to comment on this earlier, but didn't have time. I was at work. Making money to support my child. SO then I could come home and spend time with my child. But...oh wait...I find time when he is asleep or while we are watching some cartoons to write stories about him so...I suck as a mom.
People like that....need to know what they are talking about before they let their fingers fly across the keyboard.
Oh and I've also enjoyed the contact with other mothers and fathers and other people in general who I've met in the blog world! I think I'm a bit flustered by it to write a thoughtful comment, (plus there are robots yelling in my ear from Transformers on YouTube so I really can't think straight).
I agree wholeheartedly. Blogging has also opened my eyes to how much I love this small part of my life (being home with little kids). And, I know not everyone cares about this, but it's made me a much better writer. That's important to me.
"Blogging has forced me to really evaluate myself every single day."
YES! I SO agree! Who ever that was is a nimwit. Who doesn't understand.
I have learned so much from our amazing community.
I'm just going to say; "Hear Hear!"
Well said. I know that I often read what I write and use it to evaluate myself. Like you said I want to be the parent that I portray on my site. It is a funny thing how that works out.
I read this when it posted and FINALLY I'm back to comment. I could kiss your face for this post! It is the.perfect.response.
Perfect. Bravo!
What a fab post!! I agree with you 100%! Blogging and reading blogs,like yours, does make me a better parent. As parents we are constantly learning and evolving. It will never stop. I'm thankful that the blogging world and my friends here will be with me on the ride.
I love that you write everyday. How lucky is Alexis that she has such an awesome journal of her childhood? You capture the good times and bad, funny and sad (didn't mean to rhyme, really I didn't!) and she will treasure that when she is older. She will have a blast reading all of this.
I agree blogging just makes me a better parent. I don't blog everyday (maybe someday), but the little blogging I do, and all the "mommy blogs" I read allow me to have other parents to connect with, share ideas and triumphs with. Helps me feel better on a "mommy fail" day to know I am not the only parent out there dealing with the bumps that come along when raising children.
So ignore the trolls. . .what do they know anyway!?
I still treasure the picture of Addie screaming and naked with a toilet seat stuck on her head.