Murphy And My Fist Need To Get Together
I think there is a misconception that 99.9% of people spend New Years Eve out partying. It's easy to believe that since that's what our TVs show, but if everybody is out partying, how do we all know that Dick Clark is an uncomfortable shade of orange at this point?
Exactly.
I think 99.9% of people spend New Years Eve parked on their couch watching TV. Or sleeping.
I spent this New Years Eve getting punched in the face by Murphy and his stupid laws while I was parked on my couch watching TV.
One of the many problems with losing my job last month was that our health insurance was provided through my employer. It wasn't the end of the world to switch that over to the husband's employer's plan, but it is a process that requires a bit of work. He did his share of it and when all was said and done, our new insurance was set to go into effect on January 3rd.
Which means there was a three-day lapse. That's what happens when holidays get mixed in with inconvenient things like layoffs.
Do you want to guess what happened at precisely 12:06 am on January 1st?
At precisely 12:06 on January 1st, Murphy plopped his cranky ass down next to me and slapped me with that feeling that I was about to be sick. I'm not kidding--I looked at the clock right after I got that achy-crappy-hazy-little hint of illness in the back of my head.
Here's the thing--I don't get sick. Really. I can type those words and I will not be smited with some sort of horrible affliction. Those few years when Alexis spent her days swimming in the petri dish that is daycare I caught more colds than I have during the rest of my life combined. I have missed five days of school in my entire life (all chicken pox), called off sick from work exactly twice (strep throat--I felt fine but apparently was contagious or something), and generally just don't get sick. Normally when I get that precursor hint of sick, I can chug a glass of water, go to bed, and wake up fine. I get almost sick, not actually sick.
It's my superpower. No, I won't share it with you.
I fully expected to wake up on January 1st with another victory against germs under my belt. But noooooooooo! Murphy has it out for me this year! He slapped me with the best cold he could find.
I immediately deemed it a Man Cold and started whining.
The whining was warranted.
You guys, for two days I felt worse than I've ever felt. My head was so full of snot and congestion and just general misery that it hurt to lay down, blink, breathe, or even think. And sneezing? OMG. Sneezing was more painful than being stabbed in the head with a titanium spork. I've had the spork thing happen (long story), so I WOULD KNOW. MORE PAINFUL. OUCH.
I was sick enough to be all, "I'm going to the doctor's office," which are words that don't come out of my mouth because, again, I DON'T GET SICK.
And as soon as the words came out of mouth, I remembered. No insurance. There was a chance that it wouldn't cost a fortune to go, but it wasn't something I was willing to learn the hard way.
So I suffered. And was miserable. And tried to drag everyone down with me.
The good news, I suppose, is that five minutes (LITERALLY. FIVE MINUTES.) after the husband called me on January 3rd to say that the insurance stuff was all done, the fog started to lift. I'm still sick, but now I'm a manageable-not-completely-miserable level of sick. I'm certainly not sick enough to warrant a trip to see a medical professional or whatever.
Murphy and his stupid laws need to leave me the hell alone.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Reader Comments (12)
not laughing at you, not laughing at you...
ok, there was a bit of laughing at AND with you.
to make up for it, i shall help you beat the emit outta murphy!
oh for the love of pete, we need to add autocorrect into the punching...why would i write emit in that last sentence? sigh.
ok, i am done commenting now...sorry.
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Wha? You were sick? It must have been of Man Cold proportions, because I didn't even notice the slightest sniffle.
Now I feel all sorts of special (and slightly guilty) that you dragged yourself out in the cold while feeling like crap!
Snort. Totally figures.
And my superpower (or rather Achilles heel I suppose) is that I can take any ordinary germ and turn it into a 2 week near fatal illness. Really. It is a great party game. My husband brings home germs and shakes them off within 12 -24 (whine filled) hours. I am then incredibly ill for 2 weeks.
So sorry you were sick, feel better and I will help you kick Murphy's behind.
Hope you're feeling better. As an FYI, a lot of the pharmacies now have walk in medical services, which I'm told are fairly inexpensive to use.
Be warned: The Plague that everyone has had comes with a super bonus mystery round about a week or two after you're over the first one. But at least you'll get drugs for that one! <pat, pat>
I hate murphy. he's the one that rides in the car with me and makes whichever lane of the parkway I'm NOT in to move faster
ME TOO! Seriously, I almost get sick a few times a year, but rarely, oh so rarely do I ever get really sick. Also me too? I got sick over break. There must be a super bug going around. It was only for a few days and I never got as sick as you or my kids all got, but I got sick too. Super-friends Unite!
ROFLMAO. This had me dying! Glad you are better!