Next Time I'm Taking A Blow Torch With Me
I am 100% behind National Coming Out Day on October 11th, but the Coming Out Day that happened the past Saturday? Noooooooo! If you are lucky enough to live somewhere that has, thus far, avoided the stink bug invasion, you are SO LUCKY. Saturday was their Coming Out Day, and by that I mean OMG THERE ARE SO MANY STINK BUGS.
I suppose they emerged because the weather was mild. I know they were looking to upgrade their hiding places for the winter as they were creeping and crawling all over ever surface the eye could see. When we pulled into the parking lot at the car dealership, you would have thought it was partly cloudy outside. But, no, there were just THAT many stink bugs flying around. There were fat ones and skinny ones and big ones and small ones and evil ones and eviler ones and the point is, THERE WERE THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF THEM. FLYING. CRAWLING. IN MY SPACE.
(Before you start thinking you need to bust through your computer and take away my CAPS LOCK key, no REALLY, it looked like like the world was ending. At one point, I literally counted 116 of them crawling on one window of the dealership.) (Yes, I'm a dork who randomly counts things.)(All the time.)
The stink bug apocalypse made the whole car buying experience a whole special level of suck. I mean, it would have been suck no matter what, but when you have to spend every single second of car buying torture darting your eyes to and fro to make sure there isn't a stink bug trying to crawl into your ear, EVERYTHING is harder.
Our salesman was one of those jerks who likes to play games.
The stink bugs were trying to fly into my ears.
It was hot. (This is coming from she-who-is-always-cold, btw.)
A certain 4-year old was in no mood to sit around and wait for three hours.
All of that came together to create a perfect storm of stress. Problem Numero Uno was the salesman who apparently had a stash of hard liquor and a really good movie around back because he wouldn't stay at his desk for even two seconds. Each time he would return, his listening skills would be crappier than they were five minutes prior. I could have used every ounce of my energy just trying to get him to quit being a pain in the butt. However, there was the matter of the stink bugs.
The stink bugs were crawling on the windows, both inside and out. They were creeping all up on down the doors, often going on kamikaze dives for the indoors if anyone so much as bumped the door. They kept falling from the ceiling, sometimes landing on the desk. I swear, they were all staring at me and my pretty ears.
Alexis is normally good for a solid hour if I give her my phone to play games on. Not Saturday, though. She made it about fifteen minutes before she decided sitting around was entirely too boring and that she needed to start using my nerves as a trampoline. *bounce* *bounce* *bounce*
I have no idea how the nerves didn't snap. I kept pleading with the salesman to hurry up before the ticking time bomb disguised as a little girl took out the entire tri-state area, but he was clearly not paying any attention to anything. He would be all, "She's being so good!" before he'd go run off to hide again.
She was only being good if you managed to not make eye contact with her. At first I thought it was a good thing and that it would make everyone hurry up, but not so much. They still moved slower than molasses, when they weren't hiding.
But then I figured out how to handle at least one of my problems. I couldn't vaporize the stink bugs with a stare. I couldn't smack the salesman upside the head. I could, however, tell the kid that if she didn't chill out, the stink bugs were going to start trying to get in her ears.
I WIN.
Dear Future Alexis,
You can just go ahead and send me the therapy bills. We're good.
Love,
The Momma Who Just Wanted to Get the Heck Out of There With a Brain Cell Intact
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Reader Comments (10)
Bleh, just thinking about all of those bugs is creeping me out. I had to google stink bug because I had no idea what it was. I'd chill out too if you threatened me with bugs crawling in my ears!
First of all, ew. Kind of an amazing scare tactic though.
We're looking at buying a car next year, with a 3 year old and 9ish month old in tow. Should I just put the grandparents on high alert now?
I HATE stink bugs. On Saturday, we went to Summer Seat Farm, and this family was walking back to their car at the same time we were. The wife and kids started screaming because their entire car was full of stink bugs. The wife screamed at the poor husband, "YOU DUMBASS! YOU LEFT THE WINDOWS OPEN!" For some reason it was all just hilarious and Jim and I could not stop laughing. What I want to know is what happened that there are so many this year? I've never even noticed them before? What does this mean? Please say it means we will have a mild winter!
this comment is probably gonna be all over the place, so consider yourself warned.
why would you tolerate the salesman's shitty behavior? they work on commission so i don't get why you wouldn't ask for another sales person or go to a different dealer. especially a different dealer that at least made an effort to vacuum up the damn stinkbugs.
or stink bugs. hmmmmmmm...one or two words?
that photo of alexis is just gorgeous. that child is beautiful.
where were you that has the veggie tales photo thingies?
you are so mean, telling her stink bugs (stinkbugs) will crawl in her ears. seriously twisted. no wonder you tried to feed me to the scarehouse bunny.
Dude, I'm with hello haha. Switch dealers. But you got the new car? It's shiny and pretty?
One of the awesome benefits of living in Western Washington State is we do not have stink bugs!! HOORAY!
Scary: You with a blow torch and a 4 year old.
Can I just fed-ex you some RAID?
EW! 116?! EW!
I know they are harmless, but they creep me out. I suck 'em up with the vacuum every chance I get (and immediately empty the canister so they don't stink up the whole joint).
TIme for new games? Do you have Netflix on your phone? That's our new go-to for long waiting.
ANYTHING is fair game when you're stuck at a car dealership. No judging here.
@hello haha narf--There were three reasons we were stuck with the jerk:
1--My Audi really was ready to explode. I was scared the check engine light was going to light up or the car was just going to break down.
2--We had a pricing certificate for the Nissan, guaranteeing that we would pay below invoice. It was the only dealership within an hour of our house that accepts them. (P.S. Overstock RAWKS for car buying and researching and such.)
3--They had the only 2010 Rogue in town with leather seats. I didn't really want a 2011 because I'm a weirdo.
I hate car buying. And I see no reason for it to take 3 or 4 hours - just get my info and call me tomorrow to come pick up the new car. I hate held hostage. I hate trying to entertain the kids. I hate making small talk with the salesman. I hate waiting while he "talks to his manager". Glad you all made it out.