On My Way to Where the Air is Sweet

I won't bother to mention which parent keeps turning on the television in hopes of distracting Mila from burning down the house, but that person created a monster. A monster-loving monster.

Sesame Street, man. It has turned into an obsession.

From the moment she first caught a glimpse of the fuzzy Muppets, Mila has made it her mission to rearrange her life to make more room for "Elmo." That's what she calls the show, of course. "Elmo." From the moment she wakes up until she goes to sleep at night, Mila is asking to watch Elmo over and over and over.

The good news for the parent who doesn't like when anybody watches television is that Mila's attention span is about as long as a toddler's. The girl can't focus on the show for more than two minutes. That means she manages to harass the bigger people into turning it on, but then she vanishes in search of matches or whatever it is that she plans to use to destroy the planet.

Want to guess how many episodes of Sesame Street have played all the way through without a toddler in the room? You better pick a really high number.

Higher.

Higher.

You guys, it doesn't take a Mila for the Sesame Street shenanigans to get started. For reasons far beyond my comprehension, ALEXIS KEEPS TURNING IT ON. I don't understand any of it, I just know that Alexis is choosing to turn on Sesame Street over the 23,532,413 terrible shows that she usually watches.

Jessie and her brats have been banished.

I haven't cursed under my breath at Spongebob in days.

With the exception of a Fuller House marathon, even Uncle Jesse has been missing from the rotation.

Alexis has been ON PURPOSE WITHOUT MILA ASKING turning on Sesame Street. Because SHE wants to watch it.

Welcome to Sesame Street, Alexis.