On Otherness
We talk about Otherness a lot around here. It's not something to be applauded; it's something born of necessity. When you're a tomboy and your first-born declares her favorite color to be "sparkle," you have a choice. You can either embrace the Otherness or you can spend years trying to beat the sparkle out of the kid.
So, yeah, folks who get their kicks trolling this site, you're right. I did have a choice. I didn't have to buy that first princess doll or turn on the ridiculously girly television shows when Alexis was a toddler. But, I did. Out of selfishness. Beating the sparkle out of the kid might have been easier in the short-run, but embracing the Otherness is where I think I'll find the most benefit over the course of the next several years.
The decision to embrace the Otherness has already paid dividends.
When we're out in the world and we see Otherness, life is easier because of those early conversations. Honestly, talking about Otherness that can be seen is the simple part. We can talk about how the man with the odd gait was born with his legs pointed in the wrong direction. We can talk about skin color and purple hair and short skirts and creative hairstyles and all sorts of the things that can be seen.
It's Otherness. It's FANTASTIC. It makes the world a more magical place.
Sometimes the conversations about Otherness are a bit more challenging. For example, we recently came across a woman wearing a Niqab. Alexis wanted to know why she was wearing something that covered everything but her eyes, but I didn't really have an answer. I didn't have THAT woman's answer, anyway. I explained Otherness and how it sometimes impacts what people wear, but I don't know if I did the conversation justice.
It's the Otherness that you can't see that's hard, you know. Like the Otherness that the woman has that drives her to that decision.
It's challenging to address the Otherness that people are born with and that can't be seen in any way. It's hard to explain Otherness when it comes to how the mind works, or even the heart. When there isn't a choice involved, when it just IS, sometimes it's hard to see the world from that point-of-view.
Kind of like how sometimes it's hard for me to follow along when Alexis goes on a bender talking about sparkle and glitter and all of the girly things that she loves. I don't get that Otherness.
But I accept that it's real. Somewhere in Alexis' head is a little gear that turns in a way that I can't understand because I don't have it.
I do love it, though. I just plain love Otherness.
Which is probably a good thing because I strongly suspect that Mila is going to challenge my known understanding of Otherness is a multitude of ways.
Monday, June 29, 2015
Reader Comments (3)
Nice perspective on other. Children have no barriers and coming up with helpful conversations can be hard. When one of my daughters was 3 she saw a little person and couldn't believe she was getting into the drivers seat without an adult. After a moment she declared "I don't think that was a real person". Plenty of conversation to be had there!
I would though challenge the assumption (unless I've misunderstood) that the niqab wearer is driven to that as she likely chooses that dress. Some may not but there is a western tendency to assume that Moslem women are oppressed and have no choice.
@lydia -- That's just it. I'm not trying to imply whether it's a choice or not -- I don't know. I have no idea what the story is, just that there is one. Whether the "driver" is something external or internal, I have no clue any more than I know why a woman on the beach might be wearing a tiny string bikini.
you are such a great parent. love that you encourage your children to be the best of who they are, not the best of what you wanted to be. good thing you aren't here or i would hug you so tight for being you.