Reset the Stupid

No matter how much all things pandemic suck, and they most definitely do, I have to think there can be a few things that it will make better. Like, we get a reset on some of the stupid things we did before, especially things related to kids. I mean, at this point, over 1/4 of Mila's life has been consumed by COVID. We're not far from her not remembering the Before Days. Let's fix some things!

A prime example: Chuck E. Cheese. Mila may vaguely remember it as a place to go to have fun, but that memory is a lie. In reality, Chuck's is a place grown-ups go to punish themselves for having sex. It comes with a side of lame games and "pizza." The quotes are absolutely necessary back there, for what it's worth, because even on a good day, that "pizza" is about as much like the most important food on Earth as a saltine with a smashed tomato and a hunk of plastic on top is. That's not pizza. It's "pizza." When Mila asks to go there, I'm fully intending to reset on history and tell her that we don't do that.

A thing which I can't control but OMG I WISH I COULD is the notion of "spirit days" at school. Look, we're barely holding this in-person school thing together. Do we really need to add a bunch of quirky themes for clothing to the mix? Don't bother telling me that wearing a crazy hat or dressing up like a Dr. Seuss character is fun for kids. You know what else is fun for them? Having a mom who isn't on the edge of breaking from spending two hours looking for the exact hat that is apparently the only acceptable crazy hat in all of this universe.

Not that such a scenario played out here about a month ago. Of course it didn't.

All of that is to say, I hate every single adult who had the bright idea to be all, "Let's wear Steelers gear on Friday to celebrate the playoffs!" No. Noooo. Nopity nope no. LET'S NOT DO THAT.

Mila doesn't own any Steelers anything. You know why? Because it doesn't come with rainbows and sparkles. She may say she wants a Steelers dress, but she wants a Steelers dress that doesn't exist because nobody but a 7-year old going through her mid-childhood crisis would put 14 pounds of sequins, 9 miles of glitter, and a rainbow puking unicorn on the same dress as a Steelers logo. There is no such thing as a Steelers dress or t-shirt or sweatshirt or ANYTHING that Mila will wear more than once.

But she'll wear it once because some evil adults who don't understand this whole "use the pandemic to reset the stupid" thing told her it would be fun.

Jerks.

So, that is how it came to be that I had to venture into public in search of Steelers gear tonight. Yes, tonight. Of course we decided to do this whole spirit thing less than 15 hours before the kid is supposed to participate. OF COURSE.

I took Mila with me because 1) I can't pick things she will wear and 2) Thursday night. Stores were empty. Oh, and I should add a 3. The third reason I took Mila with me is because she says things that remind me that we need to reset the stupid.

Dick's Sporting Goods, I'm talking to you. RESET THE STUPID, PLEASE. For the love of all that is my sanity, please change the name of your store. Now is a great time to do it. We're all a little delirious from trying to navigate all this chaos so we won't even notice.

And why exactly do I have this request? Simple. I would very much so like it if I were to never again hear my 7-year old say, "Can we go to the Dick store?"