Santa Badger Don't Care

Not long after the witches put away their broomsticks and the ghosts tucked away their sheets, I set out to take the girls to see Santa. We had a few chances, but long lines, grumpy babies, grumpy big kids, and various other things stopped us each and every time I dared to think, "Perhaps today would be a good day for St Nick."

Alas, 'twas the night before Christmas and I still hadn't introduced Mila to the man who will soon be delivering all sorts of fun things to her.

(An aside, Santa arrives late for us. He stops by our house on Christmas Eve, but since we are out of town when he stops by, the gifts wait for us to return. It's a really very excellent arrangement that saves us from having to haul big items around and spreads out the fun of toys by a few extra days.)

I couldn't let Mila's first Christmas pass by without a visit to the fat guy in the red suit.

So I did the really stupid thing and ventured into the retail world with two kids on Christmas Eve. The good news is that Christmas Eve in retail is as I remember from when I was employed in that sector -- it's super busy early in the morning, but then everyone goes home and stores are generally empty. Except the grocery store. The grocery store is a terrible place to be on Christmas Eve.

But the mall? It was a ghost town. So Alexis, Mila, and I shuffled our way to Santa and found ourselves standing in a very terrible line. It was all of one person long, in fact. So terrible. For what it's worth, this is why I procrastinate so much. I am constantly rewarded for doing things much later than I should. Thanks, Karma!

By the time I had picked out a photo package, it was already our turn to meet Santa. Alexis crawled into his lap first, but not until after pleading with me to not make her. Some things never really change and that kid is still scared of old men who smell of booze and desperation.

Once Alexis was awkwardly seated, Mila joined the party. She doesn't care who is holding her most of the time just so long as she's being held, so she was very chill about the whole thing. Alexis, on the other hand, was very not comfortable.

It seems that Miss Alexis has determined that mall Santas are actors. She explained as much as we were walking to meet him that day. There can be only one real Santa and he's at the North Pole. All of the others are paid actors hired by the real deal.

This particular paid actor was clearly not feeling his assignment. He sort of mumble-asked Alexis what she wanted, to which she replied, "Nothing."

Seriously.

I would consider returning all of her gifts, but really she was reacting to the way the Santa seemed almost stoned. He was TOTALLY checked out. I mean, he couldn't even be bothered to look at the camera for a photo.

That was the best of the three takes. Santa was very honey badger about the whole process.

As we were leaving, Alexis told me all about how that Santa wasn't very good. "Mom, he's not a good actor at all. I think Santa needs to fire him."

So if you see a guy who looks a bit like Santa in line at the unemployment office, you now know who to blame.

Comments

[hello haha narf]

your girls are stunningly beautiful and santa is stoned. sigh.

[Jenna]

OH HEY. That beats our 20 year old Santa!