She's Is Slowly Disarming Me of All of My Fun Weapons
We sat in the middle of Magic Kingdom, me with a funnel cake in front of my face and them with . . . aw, hell. I have no idea what Mr. Husband and Alexis were eating because I HAD FUNNEL CAKE. Were they eating? Were they there? I don't know. FUNNEL CAKE.
Just as I was entering Level 3 of funnel cake blissdom, the short person seated to my right shrieked like a wee wimpy girl. Fortunately, she is a girl and she is little, so I'm generally the only one that tosses her a You Sissy! look when that happens. As I shot her a You Sissy! look, somehow my subconscious remembered that I'm responsible for that sissy. It also noticed that she genuinely looked scared, so I paused Project Funnel Cake Acquisition to ask her what was wrong.
Birds were what was wrong. Stupid birds.
The kid has always been scared of them, so when two ducks flew into the seating area, she flipped her lid. I told her they were just checking to see if she was doing a good job of eating her . . . ice cream? Maybe? I forget. The funnel cake consumed my brain.
It was a completely true statement since they were there to mooch for food, but I kinda sorta worded it in a torturous way because Alexis couldn't possibly eat any slower than she does. I think she's in training for some sort of World's Slowest Eater contest. I'm sure she'll do well, but I won't actually see the end because ZOMG. I do not have the patience to sit and wait for that kid to finish eating. Both Mr. Husband and I have used the whole The Birds Will Get You thing frequently when we needed Alexis to comply. We don't do it just because it's very effective (which it is), but also because it's so funny to see her reaction.
Her reaction this particular time was a bit over-the-top. She freaked out and then she freaked out some more and the she kept on freaking out. Finally, I told the kid the ducks just wanted a bite or two to eat and then tossed over a sliver of funnel cake that had been contaminated by the very not clean table.
The male duck quickly snarfed the tiny piece of funnel cake, much to the amusement of Alexis. She was so amused by the duck's shenanigans that I, The Mother of the Year, decided to sacrifice 1/4 inch of perfectly good funnel cake. I gave it to Alexis and told her to throw it to the duck.
As one would predict, the duck snarfed that little sliver right up. Alexis, unexpectedly, started giggling. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Each time the ducks raced to inhale the tiny sliver of funnel cake Alexis had thrown, she would bust into big ol' belly laughs.
Fast forward to yesterday. Alexis and I were walking around downtown Pittsburgh on our way to see The Wizard of Oz (you're welcome if the song is now stuck in your head). A giant rat with wings suddenly came barreling down towards us. I looked around to see if @JanePitt was to blame for the dive-bombing pigeons (she's never going to admit it, but I KNOW she's nervous she's going to crash and burn at the end of Make Room for Crazy--she could very well find a way to get her minions to attack me with pigeons) (speaking of Make Room for Crazy, have you tossed in your $5 yet? Why not? THANK YOU!).
As I swung my head around, I expected a short person to start climbing me like a tree. It's what she does when she's scared. Given that there was a pigeon three feet from her, standing on the sidewalk and daring us to walk towards it, she had ample excuses to freak out.
She didn't.
Instead, she said, "Hi, birdy! Momma, I like birdies!"
WHO IS THIS ALIEN WE BROUGHT BACK FROM DISNEY?
If she keeps conquering fears like this, I'm not going to have any means to torture her.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Reader Comments (11)
My kid will go and pick up the biggest spider, slimiest worm, and zillion legged millipede. She'll chase bunnies and squirrels and frogs. She loves dogs and cat and fish.
But birds?
Are her weakness.
Truth be told: I'm sure it's my fault. I hate them too. They're beautiful to look at for the most part but those creepy fluttering wings!?! GAH!
I love funnel cake.
I hate birds!
It's a love/hate thing that they grow up, ain't it.
How was Wizard of Oz?
I'm having trouble getting past the funnel cake. My keyboard may short out from the drool.
I can't believe you sacraficed that much of your funnel cake!
I remember the first time I saw pigeons. I was on this school trip to London (yes, in England!) and there were these pigeons walking around right in front of me! I'd never been that close to live birds before... (never having been to many cities at that point) I must have blown half a roll of film on the damned pigeons. No pix of Big Ben or the Tower of London, but I have pigeons!
I say, be glad she was afraid of birds during your last Disney trip. I spent my last three (3!) trips there helping a child find DUCKS, MOMMY! DUCKS! QUACK! QUACK!
AND I owe you a huge thank you! I think all of my talk about your photos from WDW has convinced my husband that we need to go back. Soon! So, thanks for sharing!
Birds. Ick, ick, ick. I don't blame her one bit.
However. YOU SACRIFICED FUNNEL CAKE TO FEED DUCKS?!!?!?!?!??!?! You really are Mother of the Year, and I bow to your greatness. I can't ever live up to your standard of awesome, so I won't even try.
I love the look on her face in this picture.
I saw that picture on Flickr yesterday and *almost* commented there, but now that you have put it with this post, I have to. That picture says, "What the heck, Mom?" or "Like, DUH...!"
@Dave--That's EXACTLY what she was saying. She was telling me that both Sidney Crosby and Chad Danforth can be her boyfriends at the same time. The apparently won't mind having to share her one bit. o_O
She looks so grown-up in the face in this picture! I think it's around the eyes.
That is totally a "well, DUH, Mom!" look on her face. I get it all the time.
Don't worry, you'll find new ways to torture her. :)
Heh. I think it's more of a "You talkin' to ME, pigeon? Huh?? HUH?! Yeah, that's what I thought." look, but maybe it's just me! :-)