Shoeless Wonder

One of the advantages to the giant age gap around these parts is that Alexis gets to cling to some elements of her childhood just a tiny bit longer than she would otherwise. That's why I'm willing to stop at a playground with both girls. Mila, of course, thinks it's the GREATEST thing ever. Alexis tries to play it cool, but she ends up playing with her sister before all is said and done.

Which is exactly what happened earlier this week. I stopped at a playground, Mila ran off to have the most fun ever, and Alexis tried to saunter around and pretend she's too old for such shenanigans. She lasted about 10 minutes, but then found herself sucked in by a giggling Mila. One thing led to another, and they ended up racing each other up and down a pair of side-by-side slides.

If they're racing down, my money is on Alexis EVERY time. Gravity prefers her. The race up, though? That can go either way. Sometimes Mila can run up a slide in a flash, but other times she struggles. There is usually a good explanation why. On this particular evening, the reason was super obvious from where I was standing - she was wearing slippery shoes.

So what was happening is that each girl was trying to run up the slides. Alexis was making it four or five giant steps. Mila, however, was getting about four feet up and then sliding right back down. It was because of her shoes. She is currently addicted to the most ridiculous bright red Mickey Mouse Crocs. They are as hideous as they sound and they have absolutely no traction.

I let the racing continue as it was for a while, but both girls are stupid competitive, so Alexis was gloating that she kept winning and Mila was getting madder and madder. Eventually I intervened and suggested that Mila try taking her shoes off. Just once.

And so, Mila kicked off the awful Crocs, wound up her little feet, and dashed right up the slide in an instant. She beat Alexis by a good three feet. Never one to allow herself to be defeated, Alexis demanded a retry and on and on it went. Mila kept winning.

And it was after about the 15th victory that I realized the error of my ways. Getting Mila to wear shoes is akin to getting a normal human to smile while having their teeth drilled. She acts like shoes are the worst thing to have ever happened to humanity. She loves buying shoes; wearing them is torture.

And I had invited her to live life joyously shoeless.

But it gets a little worse. After those 15 or so victories, Mila turned to me and shouted, "I am so powerful when I don't wear shoes!"

I'm never going to get that kid to wear shoes again, am I?