Shopping With a Bored Preschooler
"I want a flaflable," she said.
"A what?" I asked.
"I WANT A FLAFLABLE. I WANT A FLAFLABLE. I WANT A FLAFLABLE." She repeated herself over and over and over, proving once again that small children could make past prisoner torture done at Guantanamo Bay look like . . . well . . . child's play.
"You find one, you can have it," I told her, silently hoping that the never-ending loop would end.
It didn't.
All through the store, Alexis kept repeating her crazy nonsense, not even pausing to take a breath between words. She just kept talking and talking and talking and talking and OMG don't even think about not listening because then her head will explode and she will yell and are you still paying attention because YOU HAD BETTER BE PAYING ATTENTION or else she will keep talking and talking and talking and talking. And talking.
Mr. Husband was the first to break. As he hoisted a white flag up over his head, openly admitting defeat, I tried to figure out how I could possibly survive the rest of the grocery run. I considered freeing the beast from the cart, but then quivered with fear as I thought about what she could do if she were unleashed on the other customers. Nonstop chatter seemed less dangerous than a rogue terrorism expert.
Somewhere along the way, I told the little monster that she needed to get a new hobby. A few minutes later, she did.
She started hitting herself. Over and over and over she slapped her own face, while loudly proclaiming, "Ow! Mom! Stop hitting me! Ow! That hurts! Stop hitting me!"
The child is trying to destroy me.
The only thing is that this time . . . This time I HAVE PROOF.
Take that, you Tiny Terrorist.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Reader Comments (13)
I love it!
The Boyfriend's youngest sister used to carry around her Fisher Price recorder and hit it, then yell to mom and dad that she got hit, and get the other kids in trouble.
Oh that smile afterwards is pure evil. Where in the world did she learn that little psychomatic move. You expect an older child to know it would garner attention if she said, "Mom stop hitting me." Holy moley. (Hugs)Indigo
The best is that at the end she says, "Can I see?" My kids do that after every.single.shot!! Love it!
OMG best Monday morning video ever. Now, if we took that and montaged it with the video I posted of Charlotte laughing at "duty", we'd have the perfect kid.
I think you need to carry things with you. You know, books, toys, duck tape...
Reminds me of my Aunt's trip to the grocery store with her 2 boys, David and Michael. The boys were acting up and as Auntie was reaching her breaking point, David wails, "Mommy, please don't hit Michael again!"
I have no idea where the evil comes from...
Ha ha ha ha! I love the fake look of pitiful abuse that she manages while she's hitting herself. lol It's too bad she's shy or she'd be destined for the stage...
That's awesome. We are no match for these kids.
I am guessing FLAFLABLE= Falafel?
I'm with Becky. I totally want a flafable, but I don't have any idea what it is.
@BeckyD--I don't think she has ever had falafel. I think she's was just making up a word because she's being doing that a lot lately. See also: Trying to destroy me.
They are all in this together. I'm scared.
@BeckyD--Rightfully so. All we can do is hope for a decent nursing home some day.
All I can say is I miss JUST the Constant chatter...somehow I let my husband talk me into a second (and now a third child) and trust me, you start to learn how to just drown out the chatter...too bad my daughters chatter is just drown out by my son's screaming as I try to shop. His father has taught him well to scream EXTRA loud when we go to the mall, thinking it will keep me from shopping...LOL...nope, I just wait until he's asleep to go in "mommy" stores!