Stupid Elf™ Season is Sort of Magical

According to some corners of the internet, if you don't like doing something for your kids, you just shouldn't do it.

You guys. YOU GUYS. If I just didn't do the things I don't want to do for the two goobers who call me "mom," I'd have SO MUCH TIME. Cereal for dinner every night! Nobody needs clean clothes! Say goodbye to the damn Elf on the Shelf!

Oh, yeah. The Stupid Elf™.

It's no secret that I would like to punch the stupid thing in the face. I actually may have done exactly that a few times. The entire process is a hassle, and I knew it would be, so I tried very hard to get out of it. Alas, Alexis' teacher had one in the classroom one year and that was all it took. The kid wanted one so badly she shook as she begged and then she tried to use her own money to buy one.

Welp. How can you NOT cave to that?

It should be noted that Alexis still believes in magic. Or at least she WANTS to believe in magic. So much. I think she must spend hours awake at night concocting elaborate stories that bring her back to magic being real. It's the only explanation I have for how she conveniently overlooks all of the things that she HAS to know. I mean, she's nearly 10 years old. She's a bright kid. There's simply no way she hasn't figured it all out.

So I play along. If she wants to believe in magic, I will create a little magic.

Because I can't comprehend spending actual time dealing with the Stupid Elf™, I started things out on the right foot. Our Stupid Elf™ basically just sits around. She doesn't do bad things unless Alexis does bad things. That means she has trashed Alexis' bedroom exactly once because the Stupid Elf™ super doesn't like when dirty clothes are left all over the floor.

Funny thing, that. It was the one and only time during Stupid Elf™ season that Alexis' room hasn't been pristine.

Stupid Elf™ season is also accompanied by a dishwasher that magically empties itself, shoes that find their way to the closet, coats that hang on the backs of chairs instead of piling up on the floor, and a delightfully polite child who uses her manners without being reminded.

IT'S MAGIC.

And it kind of makes me want to keep the Stupid Elf™ around a few extra months each year.

Except then I would have to deal with it and noooooope.

Of course, I say that, but Brittany the Stupid Elf™ is currently sporting a fancy crocheted wardrobe that certainly didn't drop from the sky. The look on Alexis' face when she found Brittany wearing said fancy crocheted things?

Worth every second of the hassle.

The best thing, though, is that by the time Mila falls in love with magic and the Stupid Elf™ and all of that, Alexis will be old enough to help. How much do you want to bet that the Stupid Elf™ takes a turn for the naughty?

Comments

[JustOneL]

It's the one concession when the "truth" about Santa is discovered (I think I was more sad than the older kid). The older kid helps with the Elf! Perfect for those nights you forget to move the darn thing. And yes, the Elf tends to do naughtier things when the older kid is involved.