Stupid Jedi Mind Tricks
There is this really annoying sound that Alexis can make with her fingers and her face and, well, I can't really explain it, but I'd rather listen to her making that sound over and over and over again into a megaphone than be on the losing end of her Jedi Mind Tricks. Which is to say, good grief I hate it when the child proves that she remembers every freakin' thing I tell her.
The whole thing with the pierced ears sort of worked out in the end, with her getting to have her ears pierced, just as I promised her an entire year prior. In exchange, I got this alien life form who actually sleeps in her own bed. No, really. She completely conformed into a law-abiding citizen once I let her get little slivers of white gold stabbed into her head. It kind of makes me wonder if I could negotiate to get her to stay in bed past 7:00 am if I were to just promise her she could get her nipples pierced. Totally a fair trade.
I should mention, however, that the pierced ears are this little Jedi Mind Trick that has Energizer Bunny-like staying power. Christmas Day we were driving to Epic Holiday-Palooza #2 when a little voice squealed from the back seat, "IT'S CHRISTMAS!"
"And?" I asked. I would have thought that the mountain of gifts she had already opened that day would have driven that point well past home.
"I get to change my earrings!" she replied.
Oh.
That.
I had promised her she could take out the studs for Christmas, only I promised it WAY, WAY, WAY back in August. I can't remember what I had for lunch today, but the kid can remember five syllables I used to shut her little trap at a time when I was desperate for silence. "Wait until Christmas." WHOOPS.
Fortunately, I had vaguely recalled making some sort of random promise about earrings and Christmas, so Santa had stumbled into a big box store in search of some child-friendly earrings just two days prior. Several hours, an aneurysm, and a BAH HUMBUG, later, the one cashier in the entire store had finally managed to swipe those earrings across the laser lighty thing (technical term) and taken some money. Alexis bringing up anything to do with earrings was sort of a special Christmas gift that conjured nightmares and flashbacks and the PTSD associated with that shopping trip.
Oh, and did I mention that *Santa* had bought the earrings and not me? Yeah. Santa hit our house in Pittsburgh on Christmas Eve, a full six hours away from where we were when that little voice was all EARRINGS! EARRINGS! NOW! NOWNOWNOW!
Try explaining to a four-year old that the only place that sells earrings on Christmas Day is probably a place that specializes in tattoos, blow, and STDs. It's fun.
Eventually the whole earring thing worked itself out. Along the way, I decided to start tattooing anything that I promise Alexis somewhere on my body. First up, tonight's promise.
As I was tucking her in for the night, Alexis turned to me and asked a fantastic question. "When I'm all grown up, can I call people stupid?" she asked.
She's not allowed to call people "stupid," right now. I have told her repeatedly it's a grown-up word and that she can't use it when describing people.
"Sure, you can call people 'stupid' when you're an adult," I replied. I mean, why not?
"Do you promise?" she asked.
"Absolutely. I promise," I replied.
I'll go ahead and just get "Stupid" tattooed on my forehead this weekend so I can remember that I made that promise.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Reader Comments (13)
The force is strong with that one. Now you need to carefully define what "grown up" is.
No earrings for Sophie until she's 10. That was the rule when I was a kid and I'm carrying on the tradition. We'll see how that works out.
@Carabee--I told her "grown-up" was 18, so I fully expect that on her 18th birthday, she'll wake up yelling "YOU'RE STUPID" at every single person in her path.
That's fantastic. Did you see my tweet on Christmas Day? On the way to my parents house, LB asked, "What town are we in?" I said, "Steubenville." He said, "Don't say stupid, Mommy."
Nice.
Did I ever tell you that you're my favorite? Cuz you are!!! Love this!!!
Oooh ooh, can she say "butt" too? 'Cause that's what my 6 yr old wants to do when he's an adult. And no, NOT getting a tattoo of that one, thanks. ;)
LOVE the photo. :)
Maybe some sort of notepad is needed to keep track of these promises, tattoos can hurt.
I'm an adult! Can I start yelling "YOU'RE STUPID!" at random people? Because that sounds totally fun. One of the girls I used to watch (her mom wouldn't let her say "hate") was constantly telling me "Ooohhh! You shouldn't say hate!" I would usually reply, "I hate it when you say that" (okay..in my head).
@Jen--You don't already yell, "YOU'RE STUPID!" at people? You should start immediately. I suggest aiming most of it at people who slam on their brakes when entering a tunnel.
meg's face in that photo makes me want a bully so very much. then again, your alexis makes me reconsider the whole no kids thing. she truly is an amazing, and gorgeous, child.
hey, wait! light bulb moment. i am over 18. be back soon, i have to go tell my boss something...
I've taken to saying "SON OF A PURPLE RHINOCEROS!" It keeps me from swearing in front of Dylan, and is so ridiculous to say, that it usually makes me smile, which eases my stress and keeps me from rear ending stupid people.
You won't need to remember "stupid". She will remind you. In fact, the odds are overwhelming that she'll practice on you. The only real question is whether she'll start at 14, or wait until 17.
Trust me...
I'll be calling people stupid from now on, thanks. :) And I'm guessing y'all don't read the books about the Stupid family? They're HILARIOUS.
HA HA HA. There is a moment in every parent's life when she realizes that the child has become much, much smarter that she can ever hope to be. And then we are reminded of it daily.