Take 2
There are lots of reasons I don't so much as make eye contact with other moms during dance class. The most important one is that I don't like people. I especially don't like talking to them.
Alas, being in public with that creature named Mila is basically an invitation to converse for hours. She has a way of making more than enough eye contact for the both of us and then she does that adorable little "blah blah blah" thing and it's all over.
I get to pretend that I'm not a socially awkward introvert.
Most of the time the conversations are fine. I fully acknowledge that I'm just a whiny baby who wants to stare at walls during that hour. Sometimes, though, the conversations are weird. See also: there is a reason I don't like talking to people. I mean, there's really nowhere good to take a conversation that starts with, "Oh. Wow. I could never start over like that."
The stranger was referring to Mila and the giant age gap between her and the dancer. In a few weeks, there will be NINE YEARS between the girls. NINE.
It's a lifetime. I know.
The well-intentioned woman who couldn't start over went on and on about all of the things she's glad to be done with. Diapers, messy meals, fully dependent little people, baby gates, baby-proofing the kitchen, potty training ... she talked for days.
I didn't really reply because Mila was in full-on BREAK ALL OF THE THINGS! mode. She was grabbing and pulling and generally trying to see if she could fit the entire building in her mouth.
(By the way, she can't. She's mad about it, too.)
But the thing is, for every thing that's hard to start again, there are two that are abso-freakin-lutely fantastic.
We got to do that first smile thing again.
We get to celebrate first words again.
There's going to be all the toddler-isms. Alexis may not say "ska-betty" for "spaghetti" any more, but Mila will likely have her own variation. She's going to learn to play "Lello Car," too.
At some point, we will change our last Mila diaper. It will be a victorious day.
She's going to go through that crazy toddler phase when she will sing silly songs all of the time, she will learn to read, and she will talk so much I will think all of the words in the whole wide world are used up.
All of the joy that Alexis has brought to us will get repeated. And, it's getting repeated with enough of a gap for us to be able to pause and enjoy the encore. While Alexis is telling me about her first crush, Mila is discovering that veggie straws are the BEST THING EVER. They're in such very different places that there is no chance for it to blur together.
And it's really pretty fantastic.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Reader Comments (14)
I love this post. My boys have 16 years between them, and they love each other immensely. I like the relationship they have, and can't imagine what it would have been like had they been closer in age. Very different, for sure.
Your girls are beautiful.
My kids are 6 years apart...wouldn't have it any other way...and the best part....I don't have to pay for 2 kids in college at the same time!!!
Yes! The gap is good. There is 8 years between my stepdaughter and the twins, and then almost exactly 6 between the twins and the kindergartener. It's tough sometimes but is a good gap, and most of the time they get along well. We also thought the kindergartener was a new chance to experience all the firsts, and I wouldn't change it. Ever.
My kids have four years between them and I love being able to go through babyhood again. My son helps with his baby sister and is independent enough to do things on his own. I wouldn't want a small gap for anything in the world. My brother and I have a 6 year gap and we adore each other. Big gaps are fantastic. I couldn't have handled two babies at the same time.
I love mine being 6 years apart. I did really savor the younger ones firsts all over again. They are in different places and I love it. I get to hear the totally random hilarious pre-school/kindergarten comments but I also have conversations about Einstein and science theory all in the same night.
My girls are 5 years apart and I got a lot of the same from mothers/strangers/people who should really know better. I just give you credit for taking the baby to dance class. We're taking a hiatus from gymnastics since our 8 month old is out of the carrier and in full on "carry me, entertain me, feed me" mode wherever we go. In the best way possible, of course.
i love your attitude! seriously beautiful. as are both of your children!
Thanks for the perspective :)
My youngest sister and I are twelve years apart, and our middle sister is halfway between us. My mom wasn't planning it that way, I don't think, but I'd like to think it has worked out for the best. I don't remember a lot of my middle sister growing up, but can tell you so much about the littlest. I think Alexis is going to have that advantage and LOVE IT.
My two are 10 years apart, and it gives me so much more perspective on both their 'phases'. I think I enjoy them both more, because now I understand how fleeting all of their issues are in a way I didn't the first time around. It's a gift to be able to enjoy them so much.
I used to just blurt out "Well thanks for that." or some other snarky comment, but now I find that raising my eyebrows really far up, my Mama Eyebrows, usually gets the point across. Then I shrink back down from Mama Who Owns Her Life back to Awkward Introvert and ignore the idiots with their feet in their mouths.
You have the best of both worlds. :)
The Toad was 3 months past turning 13 when the Howler arrived. Toddler attitude and teenager attitude are exactly the same. Of course, with a toddler, you can more easily physically move 'em when you need to; teens taller than me, not so much. With that gap, it's like being a parent for the first time again. EVERY THING is different, even how I go about parenting.
And they still fought like a couple of 2 year olds until about yesterday.
I would say not a more than a few days, maybe a week, go by that I don't regret having just one. I definitely don't miss some of the baby and toddler things, which happened so many years ago, but how I miss all the cool firsts.
I think some people just don't think before they speak. I have been guilty of it too, though I like to think I have been over that "stage" for years; I just can't imagine saying something like that to someone I barely knew. On the other hand, I often tell my SIL, who has four boys, each two years apart, that no, she should not have another kid or get a puppy. But that is different. :-)
My children are 2 1/2 years apart and I wouldn't want it any other way. They are close in a way that happens onlybecause they are so close in age. They love the same music and the 15-year-old helps the 13-year-old work through school and social issues in a way only a sibling can. I can't imagine having a teenager and a toddler much iin the same way you and many commenters probably can't imagine having two teenagers. It is simply a different perspective.
And shamefully, I have been a person who has commented on age difference and wondered out loudwhy anyone would want to "start over". But, reading your blog and having knowledge of the time it took Mila to join your family has greatly helped me learn to just keep my mouth shut. I try to remember I don't know that story and why there are so many years between children. Thank you for that.