Ten Ways to Waste Your Breath While On a Road Trip

1. Whine to your mother that you don't like the music that is playing. It's especially ineffective when the music that is playing is part of a playlist named after YOU and which contains nothing but sugary-sweet pop songs which you selected. Given that your mother is happiest listening to Nine Inch Nails and Linkin Park and such, it's probably a safe bet that she isn't listening to Katy Perry because it makes her butt shake. In fact, it makes her head explode.
2. Moan about construction in the same breath as you groan about the poor road conditions. Need I explain why this is a problem?
3. Turn on the Naggagator 2000 and aim it straight for your husband's brain. You may think that being all, "Nag nag naaag naggity nag nag naaag," will result in at least one word getting through to him, but it won't. Some douchenugget sold him a Naggagator 2000 filter and that sucker works WAY too well.
4. Complain that nobody knows how to drive while tailgating an overloaded pickup on a two-lane country road. Not that I know anyone who has ever done that.
5. Threaten your two grumpy co-passengers with promises to play the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack for a solid hour if they don't quit with the whining and crying about the music that is currently playing. It seems the two grumpy co-passengers will unite in a mission of Ultra-Annoyance by whining even more, making you realize that they can indeed create a new level of misery if you make good on your threat.
6. Accuse your parents of child abuse because they dared to bring your Minnie Mouse sunglasses along for the ride instead of your flower-shaped sunglasses. Your parents may just be old enough and annoying enough to tell you that sunglasses are sunglasses and that you should just shoosh.
7. Ask, "Are we there yet?" I don't care if you are four or thirty-six, it's an annoying question that will never be answered.
8. Ask to play games on your mother's phone over and over and over, despite the fact that she has repeatedly told you that the phone needs to charge and doesn't reach that far when plugged into the car. It doesn't matter how many different ways you ask the question, the answer will always stay the same.
9. Argue with a four-year old about something so meaningless and ridiculous that the mother won't need Will Smith to *bloop*bloop*bloop* the memory of the topic from her mind. It will be forgotten instantly because a mother's brain is only capable of holding a small number of things and the topic of that fight? NOT WORTH THE BRAIN SPACE.
10. Threaten anyone that if they don't quit whatever annoying thing it is that they are doing, you are going to leave them on the side of the highway. It doesn't matter who is dishing out the threats, when you're over an hour away from home, EVERYONE knows you're bluffing.

 

Comments

[rachel]

I feel your pain.
Also: Phantom: {sigh: love}

[Andy T]

The Misery of Others post! Whee! Aw, you are such a good pal.

[Jenty]

LOL that photo tells such a story!

[Indigo]

I remember telling Skye at that age to sit still in the back of the car. She could meander her body like a contortionist to make the seatbelt useless otherwise.

She thought about it, then asked me straight faced - "How am I supposed to sit still when the car is moving."

I couldn't look at her for the longest time, afraid I would burst out laughing. Still gets me, to this day. (Hugs)Indigo

[Katie in MA]

Being able to kick the back of your parents' seats when you KNOW they won't leave you on the side of the road? Priceless. :)

Good thing everyone had fun once you got there!

[Jen]

Oh my! That looks and sounds awful! How do people with four/five/six kids do it? I'm guessing earplugs?

[Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children]

Were you recording my road trip from a few weeks ago?

[Gina]

Oh, the games on the phone thing. It can be a convenient way to occupy them, but mine always manages to drain the battery exactly when I need it to be charged.

[Lindsay]

So overall it was a good road trip?

lol