The Enemy Has Two Wings and a Very Loud Beak
As if this year didn't already have enough challenges, I have a new enemy.
The new enemy has been doing THAT for nearly two weeks now. Every day.
Every. Single. Day.
It starts at about 6:30 am and goes on and on and on and on and tap tap tap tap tap tap SMASH.
All day.
I'm not entirely new to this internet thing, so I already did my so-called homework. I am here to declare the bird behavioral experts LIARS. ALL OF THEM. That doucheface is not seeing his reflection in the window and attacking "the threat" to his partner and nest. That doucheface IS the threat. He clearly has decided that his one true love lives inside our house.
I have tried literally every recommendation the internet has offered up. There's highlighter grids drawn everywhere and paper on the windows and wind chimes in the yard and whirligigs creating chaos all around and basically the front of our house very closely resembles a circle.
You know what all that got me? This. We escalated to this.
THAT IS NOT BETTER. AND LOOK HOW BAD THAT BIRD WANTS TO BE INSIDE MY HOUSE.
Y'all should know that this whole thing is an extra special challenge because that particular window is HUGE and also REALLY HIGH UP. There was a point very early in the day last week when I was standing on my tiptoes two steps above the "don't climb higher than this" labels on a ladder while in my pajamas so I could hang paper on as much of the window as I could reach. I'm sure my neighbors thought it was damn sexy. The good news is that it's probably for the best that they were staring because nobody was home but me. I need witnesses if I'm going to fall to my death while battling with a robin.
While I'm losing to a robin, that is. LOSING.
I've tried cayenne pepper. I've lined the entire window with American Girl dolls creepily staring out. I've turned the giant chandelier on. I've turned the giant chandelier off. I've slammed the front door over and over. I've sent Mila to chase the enemy while screaming at the top of her lungs. I've let Alexis throw stuffed animals at the window. I've ran the Roomba in the room right inside that window for hours on end. I've blasted music through the Nest doorbell below the window. I've chased the robin with a drone. I've ... done everything.
Including lose my mind because tap tap tap tap tap SMASH.
If you have ideas of new ways I can create chaos that involves making a bird madder than I already am, please share.
Pretty please.
Tuesday, March 15, 2022
Reader Comments (4)
We taped inflated balloons to the outside of the window the year we had a robin doing the same thing. I think we left them up for a week or so. There weren't many balloons but it was enough to make the bird leave.
Feel your pain... last year we taped strips of tinfoil (about 2" wide) to the outside and inside of our windows. They caught the breeze and reflected in the sun. That finally did the trick. Best of luck.
Window cling of a cat or owl?
Critter removal company?