The Hard Stuff Continues
"Check out my guns!" a grinning, curly-haired Alexis said.
Still clad in fuzzy PJ bottoms and a tank top, she stood in place and waited for me to admire her biceps. I complimented them as appropriately as I could while laughing because COME ON. She who started life at an oversized 9 pounds 12 ounces is currently a peanut. She's the smallest kid in her class, even as she is exactly average according to growth charts.
Her peanut status is destined to come to an end. She knows that, so she enjoys being small as much as she can. And, yet, she considers herself to be one tough peanut.
"I am pretty strong," she replied with an even bigger grin.
She turned and began to walk towards her bedroom, all the while looking at her left bicep with a smile. As she turned the corner, she began talking softly to herself, but I heard it. I heard the words.
"If only my legs weren't so fat," she said.
I froze in my tracks and then called out, "What did you say?"
"What?" she replied. "My legs are fat is all."
I argued with the 8-year old for a minute while in a state of complete disbelief. I've been so very careful her entire life to never say anything negative about my own body. I've been that good example, that bringer of positive body image, that person who accepts the good with the bad and embraces it all. What goes through my mind is one thing, but what comes out of my mouth are the words I want to hear her saying.
I don't want to hear Alexis saying that she has ANYTHING that is fat.
I don't know where this stuff comes from, but I know it's not OK.
It's time to wage war on a little girl's body image, not knowing whether anything I say or do can even make a difference.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Reader Comments (5)
I need to watch myself, because I know I have a problem with body image. Luckily, Emily has never claimed to be fat, but once when she was 8, she mentioned that she wasn't as skinny as another girl (who was actually underweight). It is a constant battle with society.
It's an uphill battle, because our culture is soooooo very filled with it. But it can be fought, and I still believe that it can be won. It's just not going to be easy, and to quote Mad-Eye Moody (different context, obviously) "Constant vigilance!" is our only hope.
I work so hard to set a good example despite my own insecurities. But I know it is an uphill battle. And I fear that because my girls are so different (one a skinny bean pole who eats like a horse and one a very solidly built girl who eats very little) that is it bound to cause tensions later. Makes me sad to think about.
Oh, this is heart breaking. I do wonder if there is anything we can do, as parents, to totally stop it. I think you will do everything right and help her grow up with confidence, but at some point society does play a role, doesn't it? Now's about the time we need to start our own little bubble world.
I remember hating my thighs (the first of many hates), which started when I was nine. I was a gymnast and felt like they were too flubby, too close together. ::sigh::
this hurts my heart.
i promise to never again negatively say anything about my weight around your perfect daughter. or for that matter, around any child.