The Letter I Can Bite Me
I made it all the way to the letter "I" before I wanted to send Alphabet Show-n-Tell to time out. Just in case you happen to be blissfully unaware of the "joy" that is Alphabet Show-n-Tell (in which case, CAN I BE YOU?), it's when a school adds a little extra rule to the usual Show-n-Tell. Each week the name of the item the kids bring in to show off to their friends has to start with the designated letter of the alphabet. Alexis took an apple for A week, a Barbie with brown hair for B week, a cat stuffed animal for C week, and so on.
But I week was a whole new challenge.
I asked Alexis last week what she planned to take. Usually she rattles something off immediately, which makes me think she and her friends hold secret Alphabet Show-n-Tell conferences during school. All I'm saying is that their lives seem to revolve around Show-n-Tell, much like my life revolves around Starbucks and chocolate. This time, however, I was met with, "I don't know. Do you have any ideas?" when I asked.
Idiot?
Nope. Couldn't use that one.
Imbecile?
Probably not age appropriate.
Ingrate?
Yeah, ummmm . . . no.
Inferior?
There seems to be a pattern here . . .
So while I apparently can toss out I insults like a boss, I couldn't think of a usable noun. After much hemming and hawing and a little consultation with Dr. Google, I decided I was going to cheat and convince Alexis that one of her dolls was named either Isabella or Isaac.
When it was time to grab the Show-n-Tell item, I walked into the playroom, pillaged in the closet, and emerged with a long ago forgotten doll. "Hey, look! It's your doll Isabella! I bet she'd be perfect for Show-n-Tell."
"Her name isn't Isabella," Alexis replied. "That's Lolly."
"Oh, wait! I found Isaac!" I don't give up easily.
"That's not Isaac. That's Feffer," Alexis replied.
I might have mumbled a few obscenities under my breath at that point, because WTH? Since when does every doll in this house have a name? That doesn't start with I?
Alexis rolled her eyes at me and said she would find something. She went into the closet, started tossing boxes and toys and assorted debris here and there, and then emerged victorious with a stuffed iguana.
Of course! Iguana! I don't know why the hell we have a stuffed iguana, but of course we have a stuffed iguana. Why wouldn't we?
I praised the short person up and down for being so smart and then started to leave the room.
"But I doooon't wannnna bring the iguannnna to school," Alexis whined. I'm a boss with I insults, but she's a boss with the pointless whining.
"And why not?" I asked.
"It's not cuddly," she whined.
Of course. Not only does the Show-n-Tell item have to follow the magical mystical alphabet rules, it also must be cuddly so that she-who-allegedly-naps-at-preschool can snuggle with it for a little while. I think it's an urban legend that she really does sleep, so I suppose that the cuddly part is a tiny bit important, what with her need to smoosh and nuzzle and kick when she's not sleeping. The stuffed iguana is about as cuddly as a rock. It's the sort of quality of stuffed animal that you'll find at a roadside carnival as a reward for throwing a ball though an oval-shaped basketball hoop. I'm pretty sure that if Alexis had kicked it while she was not sleeping, she would have broken a toe.
But I didn't care. I was done looking for an I thing, so I told her to suck it up and take the iguana. She doesn't need all ten of her toes anyway.
MELTDOWN. ALL OVER THE FLOOR.
Homey don't play that and neither do I, so Alexis ended up with her choice of going to school empty-handed or taking the iguana. She took the iguana.
AND SHE SURVIVED! Whoddathunkit?
I need to start planning out the rest of the alphabet. Now. Just in case.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Reader Comments (20)
My mother still swears that the worst part of show & tell was when we were being taught how to count. Sure, bring in "ten things" was great, that was a nice, small number. And at ten children in my class... conducive to treats and baked goods. I, however, missed that day... So when a week or so later we were instructed to bring in "one hundred things" I brought in... one hundred unpopped kernels of popcorn. I have several beefs with this:
1) I was already struggling in kindergarden popularity, so not bringing in 10 skittles per student? Major fault. I was sequestered to the furthest reaches of the nap kingdom: by the window.
2) I had to recount the suckers, probably, one hundred times.
3) Reread number 1
4) I was the third child. There is simply no excuse for what happened.
The preschool class at E's school EATS their way through the alphabet. Parents are responsible for bringing the snack each week and it has to be themed for that week's letter.
I have way too little creativity for that, so it's a good thing I probably won't be stuck with it. It'd be like, hmm . . . B. Well, kids, have some yummy bread for your snack.
And yeah, you totally need to keep a running list for us of all the acceptable, cuddly things she's going to take. (Good luck with that!)
@Odana--YOU WIN! I don't know what, but something.
@Jayna--I would be all I DEMAND TO HAVE LETTER C so I could do cupcakes, mostly because Q? What the hell do short people eat that starts with Q? Quiche made with SweetTarts, maybe?
@MIchelle Actually, I lost. I lost the MOST.
Just wait until you get to U,V, W, X, Y and Z! For X I got a CD of an Xray on Saoirse when she had pneumonia. The kids were pretty thrilled to see it up on the smartboard. How much cooler would a broken bone have been though? For U I wanted to send in her unltrasound picture, but could not find either one.
As for snacks, we are an APPLE school which means no unhealthy snacks. Finding a healthy snack for many of the letters, that went along with the food type of the day was near impossible.
The little boy I work with has the same stupid alphabet show n tell. I really wanted to ask the teachers last week how fun class was with 16 kids playing their Xylophones at the same time (What the heck else starts with X that a kid can take to school?) I'm with you on the IDIOTS word.
Why didn't you just send her in with an invisible dog?
I'm laughing. AT you is probably more correct than WITH you, because you're probably not laughing. I've earned my "I" dues. Just you wait for those fun ones at the back of the alphabet. If you're smart you'll be planning sick days in advance.
LOL -- my daycare does us the favor of not doing the hard letters, they skip those.
My husband drops them off, and my favorite is when we have forgotten that it was the alphabet show and tell day, and he manages to dig something pretty creative out of his car to go with the letter.
Needless to say, my kids have brought some odd things to show and tell.
So at the end of the day, there was Alexis with her iguana, and a dozen othe kids with I-pods?
@Scully--We totally forgot on F week, but somehow magically had a stuffed Fiona in the car. There is a reason I never clean that sucker out!
@Bluzdude--One kid had ice (in a bag--yes, really) and another had fake ice cream. I didn't see anything else, which makes me think other parents bribed their kids into skipping the whole thing.
I am impressed you had the iguana. Glad my kid's preschool did not have alphabet show and tell. I don't remember school being so much work for my parents when I was young. Sheesh.
LOL. So it isn't just my kid that pulls this stuff? Thank goodness. Misery truly does LOVE the company.
My goodness, your kid and mine sound like twins. It must be the whole being-four thing. I'm still getting used to it, but the upside (in my case, anyway) is that what he's actually upset about can change quicker than the weather, sometimes without any intervention whatsoever from me.
Fortunately we have a cuddly stuffed iguana for when we get to that particular hurdle.
My favorite "i" when I was four? Ichthyosaur. They don't make those in plush.
i loved, and i do mean LOVED, show and tell in school. but what jackass ruins it with an alphabet theme?
I LOVE IT! "Homey don't do that. Neither do I." Yes. I am with you on this.
I=intelligent. That covers you.
I=issues. That covers alphabet show and tell.
Hey, is your dog a pit?
I've been woefully remiss on sending show and tell. Thankfully Peanut doesn't seem to mind or at least she's not telling me if she does. Today was show and tell and I don't even know what the letter was. But I decided since I was picking her up a little early she probably missed it. I highly doubt that, but I'm going with it.
Our daycare did Show and Tell followed by the chance to play with the things the kids brought in for show and tell. HATED THAT! Lots of pressure for show and tell to be a toy that other kids would be interested in (otherwise DD would be disappointed) but that won't get ruined. Alphabet show and tell in kindergarten was a relief, plus DD was a little more mature then - for Z, she was happy to bring in a picture of a zinna that we found using google images and printed out before school.
I recall one child bringing a triangle for alphabet show and tell on I day because it was Isosceles - clever parent.
@Shannon--See, that whole "play with it" thing is ALWAYS bad news. (Heh.) Too much pressure and too much excitement. Short people need boring show-n-tell.
Oh Lordie! This makes me glad that *MY* 5yo's class isn't doing every letter. Their letter-themed show-n-tell started this past week with the letter N cuz they were also discussing nutrition. Either its really smart or its slackerish, and either way, I don't care.
And there has GOT to be a doll named Jessie or Junie or SOMETHING in your house for J!