The Princess and the Frog
You may not have received the memo, but kettle corn is absolutely essential to the survival of a 4-year old during Farmers Market season. If we run out, Alexis puts on her emo face and starts listening to Fall Out Boy at top volume. It's quite the travesty.
Since Pete Wentz makes me want to consider all the ways an apostrophe could be used as a deadly weapon, Alexis and I stopped at the Farmers Market on our way home. In the time it took for me to turn off the car, get out, and then unbuckle her seatbelt, she managed to ask if we could buy kettle corn no less than 1235327435243 times, so I handed her $5 and told her to hurry before they ran out. With a panicked look in her eye, she fled and then stood guard over the dozens of bags of kettle corn until I could get there. Kettle corn is vital, but it still hasn't reached the level of importance she requires before talking to a stranger.
At last, she stood clutching her precious bag of kettle corn, a giant smile decorating her face. I had $15 left in my pocket, so we started to look around and see if there was anything else we should buy. As we perused the fresh lettuce, bright-red strawberries, and fuzzy peaches, Alexis suggested that we look for something special. Something very special.
"We need to find my boyfriend," she said.
I asked for clarification and was told that we needed to find her a boy, a boy who was handsome enough to be her boyfriend forever and ever.
Really.
Since there are no vendors at the farmers market who sell chains and locks appropriate for locking one's daughter in the basement for 20 years, we started walking around, looking at the boys right along with the produce.
"What about him?" I asked as I pointed to a tiny terrorist with spiked brown hair.
"He's not handsome," Alexis matter-of-factly replied.
"What about that little boy?" I asked, gesturing towards a blond little guy.
"Nooooo way!" she answered, her tone implying that I was an idiot to even consider him.
Back and forth we went right up until we ran out of money to shop and little boys to talk about.
During the drive home, Alexis commented that we'd have to keep looking for a handsome boyfriend for her. I agreed, but suggested that first we eat dinner and work in the yard a little bit.
You may have heard a jubilant "Woooohoooo!" a day or two ago. That was me. We finally finished the work on the patio, so now I'm back to being focused completely on the hole in the ground that wants to grow up to be a pond and waterfall. We finished dinner in time for me to get out there and empty all of the water out of the hole in preparation for the next step. As the water slowly found its way to new parts of the yard, I ran into this little guy again:
I called Alexis over to see the little frog. She came running at top speed as she hadn't yet actually caught a glimpse of it. As I scooped the little frog and some mud up with the shovel, Alexis said, "You have to kiss him so he can turn into my handsome boyfriend!"
I will wipe that kid's butt, but I'm not kissing a frog for her. Sorry. I told her as much and then made the suggestion that she kiss the frog.
"No way!" she said before turning to Mr. Husband and trying to convince him to kiss it. He was even less cooperative than I was.
During all the attempts at passing the kissing buck, the frog had jumped back into the water. I scooped it up again just as Alexis turned to face me. I quickly pushed the shovel/frog towards her, to which she responded by screaming like a wussy girl and running away.
If that kid ever whines to me that she can't find her handsome prince anywhere, I'm handing her a printout of this post. She had her chance, but she wouldn't suck it up and give the little froggy a smooch.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Reader Comments (14)
Obvious solution: There's got to be a frog-like furry out there somewhere. Bam. You're welcome.
On a separate note:
Dear Alexis,
Make sure your prince is sufficiently in love with you to give up the furry hobby. You don't want a furry boyfriend and your mother in the same hemisphere.
@Andy--Jealous much? ;-)
Wouldn't kiss a frog for your kid? Wow. You suck.
(Yeah..um...I wouldn't do it either. Crap. now I suck too!)
Your such a spoil sport for not kissing the frog for her. ;)
It doesn't count unless you kiss your own frog anyway. If she wants a handsome boyfriend, she's gotta do the kissing. End of story.
You and Alexis trolling the Farmer's Market, looking for boys. Sounds like a Gilmore
Girls episode!
Karen is right... the Prince belongs to the Kisser. And there's your "out."
so adorable... i love that she's looking for a handsome boyfriend... you've got a long road ahead, my friend...
Whoa. When you step up from sporks to punctuation, things have gotten serious. ;-)
Okay, now that that's out of my system, I am going to go die of cuteness from the rest of this post. That girl? zomg kills me.
Hey, at least you're trolling the Farmer's Market and not, say, Wal-Mart or some such. As for kissing frogs, well, I've always heard you have to kiss a lot of them to find your prince. Tell her she better get started.
@Madame Queen--NOOOOOOO! There's no need to start until she's . . uh . . . 50!
Mmmmm, kettle corn is wonderful! I think it's great that Alexis thinks so, too, and asks (begs?) for it.
As to the boys, I think you should definitely keep looking for the lock & chains for the basement...and then let me know where they are for when Abby gets these ideas in her head. Hmm, maybe I don't want her to hang out with Alexis; don't want any ideas passed along there... :-)
And as for the frog - oh yeah, she has to do the kissing herself or it just won't work! She needs to understand that rule.
Good luck with the pond & such. It looks like it will actually be dry & sunny-like for several days in a row for you! (You better not curse our Saturday birthday party and bring rain by draining your hole in the ground! Heh!)
Last night Kate decided Fred from Scooby Doo was her prince. Unfortunately, he was also in jail. Fortunately she was a princess who could rescue him.
I wish I had had kettle corn, because it was damn fine entertainment.
God Bless Kettle Korn! By the way, I've been quietly following your blog and have two (yes...2!) awards waiting for you over at my blog, http://www.MommyLiteOnline.com.