The Problem Solver
There comes a time when you look back on your life and think, "CRAP. Paybacks are going to be a B-I-T-C-H."
That time came to me pretty much the day Alexis was born. As I gazed into her wide open eyes (because she didn't sleep then either), my entire life flashed before me. Memories of sneaking out of my parents house, recollections of lies I had told ... all of it. It all came flooding back.
I was entirely too smart for my own good when I was a kid. My parents paid one hell of a high price because of it.
Paybacks are a bitch.
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Early Saturday morning, I scurried around the house. I had a photography class scheduled to start at 9:00 am, and I had yet to throw together some snacks, assemble the manuals, and set up the dining room as a classroom.
As I quickly threw the Apple Pecan Biscuits in the oven, I grabbed the red box out of the family room. I didn't need to open it know what was inside because sometimes paybacks take the form of a kid who is even more OCD about sorting toys in boxes than I am. The small red box is home to the My Little Ponies. Nothing else is allowed to be in there.
I tossed the box on top of the dining room table and walked back to the kitchen to grab the napkins. I didn't give it another thought.
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As I rushed the husband and Alexis out the back door, the participants for the photography workshop began to knock on the front door. The class started shortly thereafter. We kicked it off with introductions and time spent laying the groundwork for better photography.
Words and buttons and concepts were explained and reviewed, and then it came time to put them to use. As the participants prepared to take some photographs, I walked toward the table to grab the red box.
It wasn't there.
I knew I had put it there, but maybe I had moved it? I looked and looked, but didn't see it anywhere. Thinking perhaps I had dreamt the part where I carried it into the dining room, I scurried over to the family room.
It wasn't there.
I checked the playroom.
Nothing.
And then I realized what had happened.
Alexis HATES when I use her toys for photography classes. HATES is very intentionally in CAPS LOCK because that is the level of her fury. I don't know why it makes her twitch uncontrollably, but HOOBOY. It totally does.
The easiest way to make sure your mom doesn't use your toys for her photography workshop is to hide the toys. That's what Alexis did. She saw the red box sitting on the table and thought to herself, "Oh, hell no!" and tucked it away where I wouldn't find it.
She admitted as much hours later when I asked her if the My Little Ponies had walked away.
Paybacks are a bitch. I know I'm in for it because the kid is SO much better at forcing the world to let her have her way than I was when I was her age.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Reader Comments (5)
My first born, a daughter, was my karmic payback. I lost count of how many times I've called my mom to profusely apologize for my childhood behavior.
There really are no words to have fantastic it was that she did that. Annoying as a parent, of course. BUT funny as hell for me to read! Thanks for lightening the day :)
I am the world's WORST liar...except to my parents. Still, this is the case (which is why when I was pregnant with our last baby, my mom thought I had a lot of "dentist" appointments until we announced it). I'm SO certain that my kids are going to have inherited this trait. It's impressive that she fessed up, though.
This is hilarious, and at least you know you are not going crazy.
So get your own toys! Ones Alexis isn't allowed to play with! I have a stash (if you ask, you'll be subjected to many photos of Frodo the Bee) and if the Howler wants to touch 'em, she has to let me use her stuff. THAT's how you even out the karma.