The Scars of Disappointment Run Deep
Sometimes it's surreal how much I end up talking to myself, but it should be noted that the reflection of me is about four-feet tall and has curly brown hair. Alexis doesn't look like me at all, but don't be fooled. Her mind most definitely works like mine does. More notably, I'm relatively certain she ripped out a piece of my heart when she was in the womb and now uses that piece as her own heart.
There is no doubt that she is mine. She is my mental and emotional clone. She has my personality and then some.
But.
But, as we near her seventh birthday, it is becoming more and more clear that she is travelling a very different path than I did. She bears the scars of experience, but her scars are superficial. Mine went all the way to the bone. She doesn't know what she doesn't know and sometimes I wonder, is that OK?
When we wander through a store or the mall or wherever, she is full of "Can I?" "May I?" and "PLEEEEASE?" She wants everything she sees, to the point that I say no without even knowing what the rest of her question will be. She is spoiled, and that is our fault, but is it really a problem that she doesn't know the disappointment that is a Christmas without gifts or an evening without dinner?
She's never gone hungry, never had to wear the same shirt three times in one week, and she certainly hasn't ever been left to fend for herself in the midst of poverty-filled trailer park. Her biggest tragedy right now is that she really wants a new suitcase and her super-mean parents won't let her use her own money to buy one (just yet). Little does she know how very fortunate she is to have somewhere to go. She has been on more vacations during her 6 years and 360 days of life than I took in my first 25 years of life.
She doesn't know.
And I'm not entirely sure it's a bad thing. Or even a good thing.
She's travelling a different path.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Reader Comments (7)
As life goes on, she'll get her own bumps and bruises from disappointment. We all can wish as hard as we might, but all of our children will find them in some way. You can't predict them and you can't stop them, but you can (and we all know you will) be there to soothe them.
Then, one day when the time is right, you can sit side by side and compare battle wounds. You can open her eyes when they need to be opened. Until then, being a little spoiled and naive, but loved more than life itself, isn't a terribly bad way to go.
I understand how you feel. My kids are spoiled too and have never "done without," the way I did growing up. But that is my accomplishment and my pride that I can give them a childhood where all of their needs are met and then some. I think the only way I can help them understand how lucky and blessed they are is by helping other less fortunate. My kids are old enough now to give their own money to charity, to go help as a family at the food bank, things like that. They will not feel the need themsleves, but they will understand a little bit that there are people who don't have everything we have.
I worry about this with my own kids. We were so poor and there was so much violence in my home, but a lot of that created important parts of me. I don't want to needlessly make my kids suffer in the name of character building, but I do want them to be people of character.
I understand. We grew up with some very rough times (yard sales to pay for food, anyone?), and sometimes I wonder if we're doing my daughter a disservice by providing so much for her. Which, ironically, is much less than most of her friends, but is many times more than either I or my husband had growing up.
It especially hit me at Christmas, when I took a picture of our tree surrounded by gifts. All but 3 of which were for her. We have one child. One 4 yr old. The thought hit me that it was TOO much for her to get. That for some reason she shouldn't get so much.
And then I just pushed that thought out of my head, and revelled in the happiness that is knowing that for THIS Christmas, even if never again, for THIS Christmas, she got everything she ever wanted, and my husband & I worked very hard to provide that for her.
isn't that what we're supposed to do? make our kids' lives better than the ones we had? my kid is spoiled too. last weekend, she wanted to go to the mall just to "look around." she asked for every single thing she saw, and touched just about everything she could find. I spent most of my time saying no, which I felt bad about, but maybe she learned that she just doesn't have to have everything? And like someone up there said, if you can balance all the getting with giving to those less fortunate, then you've got yourself a good kid :) but, I think you already do
About the vacation thing...my kids have been to more countries...without giving it a thought! Oh, we're swimming in a pool in Guatemala, nice water. Oh, we're eating rice in Costa Rica, yum. I never traveled outside the country until I was over 45 years old!
this post kinda made me cry. ok, totally made me cry.