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Thursday
May152014

The Universe According to Facebook

I've mentioned a time or ten that I'm not really a Facebook person. I have an account like most normal human beings at this point, but the odds that I will actually look at anything on it are somewhere between "HAHAHAHAHA" and "not a chance." I dislike it so very much that I created a page for this here bloggy blog and maintain that page using a third party app, just so I won't have to actually see anything resembling a Facebook logo or news feed.

It's way funner that way.

One of the reasons I can't handle the Universe According to Facebook is that it flat-out refuses to show things in chronological order. No matter what, it insists that a comment on a post that's five days old is more important than a post that has no comments but was posted seconds ago.

I don't care what I missed five days ago. I just want to know what's happening NOW.

I was talking about the weird nonlinear time thing with a friend today and it dawned on us why it's so frustrating -- we miss more because of Facebook's need to tell us what's important than we would left to our devices.

Facebook thinks life events are important. Births, deaths, graduations, etc., they're all important. They tend to get a lot of comments and likes, so they show up at the top of a feed.

But life's little moments? They get lost in the algorithm.

Early last week Alexis told me about how some boys at recess have been chasing her and won't stop. There's some teasing involved and all of that dumb 2nd grade stuff that happens. In talking about it, it occurred to me that her reaction was exactly what the boys were after, so I told her she needed to change her reaction. We talked it through and I suggested that she just laugh if the boys started teasing her again. We figured out what she could think about to make herself laugh, practiced it, and she said she'd give it a try.

Two days later, she jumped in my car and quickly blurted out, "It worked! Your advice worked!" She continued to tell me all about how turning to the boys and laughing threw them off and they left her alone the rest of the day.She wasn't sure what the next day would bring, but she felt like the teasing wasn't so bad after all now that she had figured out to just laugh at it.

It was such a little victory, but it's an important one to me. I got something right for once.

The Facebook algorithm would ignore the whole thing. Describing the resolution and effectiveness wouldn't have gotten many comments or likes and it would have become one of those posts that barely exists.

The little stuff really is what matters. It's too bad Facebook hasn't figured it out.

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Reader Comments (7)

That frustrates me so. The mobile app is even worse than the web page. Lets not forget that we have to actively work our 'liked' pages to keep them in our new feed. Grrrr

May 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermary

Ugh, yes. I complained about it on twitter last night and I honestly think I'm done with facebook mobile and will probably only cross-post things there every once in a while for family.

May 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAllison

Under the "Newsfeed" option on the left, you can choose "top stories" or "most recent". Yes, I'm on FB too much.

May 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAddie

Great advice. When the boys chasing her thing happened to my daughter, we had a similar conversation. But she decided to roar at the boys. For a little girl, she has a huge roar. Worked like a charm. So glad laughing did too, that is much more civilized.
Wishing you the very best of luck and health in the coming weeks.

May 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulie P

@Addie--The algorithm defines "recent" differently than I do -- it doesn't go by just date/time of the original post, but also counts comments and likes on the post. So, if someone likes something that's six months old, it'll jump to the top of my list as "recent." WHICH IT IS NOT. Heh.

You're smart, my friend. Those little things are what help me get by.

May 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

I agree with your assessment of Facebook. And with your advice to Alexis. How awesome that she tried it and it worked! Power to the laugh! "Like" to you.

May 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJP
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