This Is How It Starts
I knew within moments of the doctor walking through the door that we were in trouble. As Alexis sat on the table, all scrunched up as she examined a loose thread on her sock, the newest pediatrician in the practice asked me a series of questions about Alexis' history. Every last answer could have been found in her short file, a fact which screamed at me as I was drilled about past hospitalizations and the like.
"How old was she when that happened?" the doctor asked.
"I don't have the dates in front of me, but I'm sure you do," I replied.
I wasn't trying to be disrespectful. I was genuinely dumbfounded as to how a pediatrician could walk into a room to examine a kid who hadn't been to the doctor in over eleven months without at least skimming her file. I was equally dumbfounded as to how the pediatrician had gotten into the large group practice. None of the other pediatricians had ever approached an exam so grossly unprepared.
The questions finally stopped and were replaced with interpretations of new information. "Let's see, she's just under 43 inches tall . . . that puts her in the 50th percentile," the pediatrician reported.
Not tall enough, I thought. She needs to grow another inch if she wants to ride Space Mountain next month.
"And she weighs 43 pounds . . . so the 75th percentile," she continued.
43 pounds? Soaking weight and holding a brick, maybe, I thought.
"That puts her body mass index in the obese range," the pediatrician said, averting my glare by staring at her computer.
I blinked. And blinked. And blinked. That's what I do when there is a traffic jam of words trying desperately to escape my head all at once. The madder I am, the more words get stuck and the faster I blink. At that moment I was blinking so furiously the paper on the exam table was ruffling in the wind.
SHE'S RIGHT THERE was one of the thoughts stuck in the traffic jam. As in, SHE CAN HEAR YOU and HAVE YOU SEEN HER? BECAUSE SHE'S RIGHT THERE.
None of the words made it out of my mouth. Instead, I sat there blink, blink, blink, blink, blinking.
The doctor turned to Alexis as I blinked furiously. "No more soda or sugary snacks for you, OK?" she said.
BLINKBLINKBLINKBLINKBLINKBLINKBLINKBLINK.
"I don't like soda," Alexis said.
BLINKBLINKBLINK Yeah! You tell her, kid! BLINKBLINKBLINKBLINK.
"OK, well, make sure you stick to healthy snacks," the doctor continued.
BLINKBLINKBLINKBLINKBLINKBLINKBLINKBLINK.
"I like carrots," my "obese" kid reported. "Carrots are healfy!"
BLINKBLINKBLINKBLINKBLINK If you think I trained her to say that, you're wrong. BLINKBLINBKBLINKBLINKBLINK.
The doctor continued with her lecture as I blinked furiously and Alexis sat dumbfounded. The kid doesn't like junk food. She really, truly doesn't. We've never made a big deal out of it to her because, well, WOOOOHOOO! Do you know how fantastic it is having a kid who spits out Pop Tarts after one bite because they're too sweet? We don't want her to catch on to the fact that she's sort of a freak.
BLINKBLINKBLINKBLINKBLINK.
Finally, some words managed to navigate through the traffic jam and fell out of my mouth. THE WRONG WORDS.
"Have you seen her head?" I asked out loud. (This? THIS is why I blink when I'm mad. I can't be trusted to open and close my mouth.)
"What do you mean?" the doctor asked.
"The kid is a bobblehead," I . . . uh . . . clarified. (SEE! My mouth can't be trusted!)
The words are true, though. Alexis' head has always been too big for her body. It's a well-documented fact (Reason #153428 it's a good idea to read her damn file before trying to play doctor). She's a skinny, skinny kid with a big ol' square noggin bopping around on top. She's destined to keep those chubby baby cheeks for a while longer, but there isn't an ounce of baby fat left on her anywhere else. Trust me, I've tried to find some, if only so I could tell myself, "See! She's still sort of a baby!"
The doctor was still clearly confused as to what the bobblehead has to do with the kid's weight, but charged on with the appointment as I sat blinking in the corner.
This isn't a case of parental denial. Anyone with two eyes can see that the kid is NOT obese.
That pediatrician is so definitely fired.
Just as soon as I stop blinking.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Reader Comments (68)
Appalling. I would not have been able to exercise the self-control that you did, so kudos. The stupidest comment we ever heard from a pediatrician: When told our son was vegetarian, and we were asking about appropriate protein choices. "What, no meat or chicken? What about veal?" Yes. We forego steak and turkey breast but chow down on the animal that is the poster child for inhumane treatment of animals everywhere, you genius.
We switched our pediatric practice before the next visit.
What. the. frick?
I would have been silenced by shock and anger, too. I really would have. BUT, I would like to think that I would have made a huge-tastic fuss and gotten some sort of Big Wig in the room and FLIPPED OUT ON EVERYONE. But I wouldn't have.
She's perfect. You know that. We know that. And bobbleheads are cool. Ask BB. Hell, ask me.
@KimLy--I always expect some sort of drama over the vegetarian conversation, but it never happens. Kind of impressive, in a way.
@Firemom--Bobbleheads are adorable. Always.
HAD to delurk for this one. Most pediatricians seem to be on crack. My nephew went from borderline underweight as in here are some tips to fatten him up to "I generally prefer them on the skinny side." As the food Nazi who feeds him now and fed him then, both assessments were wrong. I often let what she would tell his mother go in one ear and out the other. Your beautiful little girl looks perfectly fine. Follow your instincts they're more important than an MD.
Those charts and graphs are stupid as far as I'm concerned. Even now, as adults. I mean I weigh 148 (give or take...) and am 5'3" and still considered overweight for my height. I don't think I look overweight when I look in the mirror. Could I stand to lose a few, sure but all that stuff is just poppycock to me. As long as she's healthy and developing fine those things mean nothing to me. And that doctor needs to find some bedside manner. STAT.
@Elaine--I love the word, "poppycock." I may have to use it in my letter to the doctor's office.
I am not writing to defend the doctor, but I am wondering, if the doctor was new to the practice, if the doctor was "new" in general. If the doctor is just starting to practice, then it is likely that most experience has been obtained from books and statistics, and he/she does not know practical things, like how to deal with patients and to know that statistics and what is in print are not the whole story. Maybe on paper Alexis fits into the mold the doctor was badly trying to tell you about, but yes, you look at Alexis and ask a few questions, you learn there isn't a problem. My doctor says things to me like, look, your kid fits into this that they tell us about, but a few years ago, this wouldn't be any sort of issue, bleh bleh bleh. So, the doctor tells me what they are supposed to be telling you according to current thought, and also...take it with a grain of salt, I'm not seeing a problem here. That's a better bedside manner, for sure.
This may not go away, because when she gets to school, if she's still fitting into these statistics, she might hear something like this from a school nurse, who may be required by the school to send paperwork home that your child has a problem. I've heard this from some mothers on my street, and their kids don't look overweight to me, either, and it sure didn't sound like it was handled well. These statistics are out there, and there is pressure to prevent childhood obesity, so there may be more of this. You may have to prepare her and assure her that despite what those figures say, she is healthy, beautiful, correct for her, and does not need to worry. (It all seemed to sail over her head, so I wouldn't worry right now.)
If the doctor has been around for a while...then, um, yeah, don't go back to that one.
@ScullyPA--She has been a pediatrician for several years, but based out of a different office within the group we use. She recently switched to our office (recently is relative, given that we hadn't been there in nearly a year...KNOCK ON WOOD THAT CONTINUES).
I know we covered this in Twitterdom, but I am seething all over again after having read the post. What kind of ridiculous doctor asks questions about the obvious and then fails to ask them about things like eating habits that aren't DOCUMENTED IN THE FREAKING CHART?! Ahem. Sorry. Got carried away on Alexis's behalf.
PLEASE tell me you wrote a strongly worded letter to whoever's in charge.
@Katie in MA--Not yet. I will, but I have to stop blinking when I think about it. Otherwise, I'll just ramble.
I hope you called later once you could gather yourself and talked to another pediatrician in the office to let them know about this appointment! This is completely unacceptable! UGH! It is doctors like this that can ruin the whole bunch. I hope your daughter didn't catch on to too much of what she was saying. As a mom of three daughters I know just how important our body images are and I would hate for this dumb doctor make your daughter feel bad about hers.
I would have lost my ever loving mind on that woman. That is so ridiculous and clearly a unprofessional thing to say in front of a little girl. It makes me furious just to read it. You showed an amazing amount of restraint.
Ok, my head just exploded. Like, it shot off my neck, spun around like a boomerang and landed again.
WHAT THE HELL!
ASKDHKJSDFSDIFUHDSFNHDSHA
I can't articulate. Too mad.
This post has been on my mind since I read it earlier this week. Then Thursday my 7 year-old son comes home with his BMI information from the school nurse. 48 inches tall, 51 pounds, which puts him in the 51st BMI Percentile. According to the chart, 15th-85th percentile is "generally a healthy weight." So I don't know how being at 43 pounds and 43 inches, at 50th percentile for height and 75th percentile for weight, puts Alexis in an obese area. That doesn't make any sense. At all.
I commend you for not outing this doctor and the practice by name. I was reading this thinking "Does this doctor not KNOW that Michelle has thousands of readers?" Let's face it, this doctor made mistakes all over the place. Not reading Alexis' chart, not being able to properly read a BMI chart, not know how to "deliver" this news is a kind manner (even as it was completely inaccurate, if it HAD been accurate, she needs to know how to talk to parents about such a sensitive subject). But the biggest mistake she made was telling you this inaccurate information in front of your daughter.
“Big mistake. Big. Huge. I have to go shopping now.”
Gah.
Some doctors? Just deserve to have their own personal exams done in the middle of winter, in Minnesota, at 7am. You know, when the stethescope is at its coldest and most uncomfortable.
Alexis? Is perfect. But you already knew that.
What an idiot. Please PLEASE let the doctor's office know about how the newbie screwed up. Nobody else needs to have to deal with the insensitivity either. I'm sorry that you had to.
Late to the party, as usual.
Agreeing w/@Nicole and others here: doc was reading the chart wrong. 75th percentile is still a healthy weight according to the CDC.
But really, what doc in her right mind would dole out diet advice to a 5 year old girl based on a chart when the girl is right there? Doppler radar may predict rain, but not as accurately as looking out the window.
Had similar experience, only in Texas before we moved here to Pgh, but the issue was the other end of the scale. I have an adopted son, from an Eastern European country. He was 4 when we brought him home Dec 2008, and he weighed 25 pounds (11 kilos). Not only is he thin, but he's also in the 2-3% on height. Obviously, nutrition in orphanages is non-existent; and once we got him home and he started eating a balanced diet (no more boiled cabbage for you!) -- all his malnutrition symptoms went away (thin hair, horrible morning breath, etc) -- but he still wasn't really growing a whole lot or packing on the weight like I had hoped he would. So there I am, explaining to a pediatrician my concerns about his poor nutrition the first 3 1/2 yrs of his life, and how he's still not really gaining and growing, and she looks at me and says "well you don't want him to be fat do you?" .... Um -- is that what I said? That I wanted him "fat"? How exactly does concern about his poor nutrition since his infancy, translate into me wanting him to be "fat"? I should have said YES - better than starving to death! Then she lectures me about how it's healthier for him to be lean - last time I looked, none of her peer group would call getting "lean" by living on boiled cabbage and potatoes to be a healthy way to achieve "leanness" in a child. I'm not sure what is wrong with some of these people - honestly. We never saw her again.