Tiny Humans Can YELL

Thursday

Aug282014

Do not be fooled by this angelic little face.

This kid is having the worst week of her life.

My return to work has turned her world upside-down, but C'MON, WE DID THIS THE NICE WAY.

Baby steps, that is. Instead of surging straight into daycare, the kid has a whole week of hanging out with dad. Throw in the little bit of continuity that is her sister, and life shouldn't be that rough.

Shouldn't be. But it is.

Despite being in the same house with mostly the same routine as most of the rest of her life, poor Mila is so angry about every little change. So, so angry.

Which is to say, she's really pissed that nobody will feed her or let her take a nap.

The feeding thing surprises me muchly because I get texts all day about how she was offered a bottle and responded by yelling obscenities. If you want to eat, dear Mila, eat. IT'S RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE. She won't, though, because BOTTLES ARE STUPID, Y'ALL.

Except, the kid has been given bottles pretty regularly her entire life. Admittedly, I've never fully depended on them because I hate pumping more than I hate Dora's stupid whiny voice when it yells at me to find the map. But, I'm not dumb. She has eaten from bottles.

Sort of.

I can't actually think of a time that she took more than an ounce or two. So there's that.

The no sleeping thing fascinates me muchly because my vision of Mila is that she is possibly the only human on earth who loves sleep as much as I do. The girl can SLEEP, is what I'm saying. Yet, all this week, she has done a terrible job of napping. I'm not sure what the issue is because if she starts rubbing her eyes when I'm around, I put her in her crib and walk away. Ten minutes later she is asleep.

There's no magic or drugs or anything involved, I swear. She just knows how to put herself to sleep. I'm not touching anything that isn't broken, so I stay the hell out of her way and let her do her thing.

The no eating and no napping thing has been escalating as the week progresses, to the point that today my lunch date was the tiny human with big blue eyes. While she dined, she told me all about how I'm the only person who understands how the food thing is supposed to work. Then she fell asleep mid-swallow.

If only people would feed her and let her sleep.