To Be Continued. Promise.
One of the very unfortunate side effects of my car getting smashed was that I was forced to drive Mr. Husband's SUV for a few days. Somewhere between the insurance companies figuring out what the police officer at the accident had already declared and me getting a rental were a few days of a crippled Audrey in our driveway and no rental coverage. Rather than battling over the issue, I put my life at risk.
I mean that literally.
I was fully aware that Mr. Husband's 1998 Honda Passport was a POS (to put it mildly), but he has spent so much time complaining about it that I long ago stopped paying attention. It was like there was a filter between my ears and brain that refused to let anything negative about the Honda get through. A survival instinct, if you will. I mean, I knew that the key sometimes got stuck in the ignition for weeks on end. I knew the only way the thing would start was if you turned the key half way, waited for the power locks to go down, and then tried starting it. I knew that it sometimes randomly revved itself.
I didn't know it liked to randomly stall in the middle of the road.
While I was in the middle of absolutely nowhere.
Seriously. (Also, THANK GOODNESS. Middle of nowhere > Busy highway when it comes to breaking down. I think. Mostly. Kinda.)
The first day of the Epic Sacrifice I plopped Alexis in the back of the Passport and started navigating to her preschool. I happened to select one of my more rural paths between Point A and Point B. Just as we hit the absolute center of Nowheresville USA, the Passport decided it was time to take a nap. A loooooong nap. In the middle of the road.
I tried to start it back up again and again.
Nothing.
I figured I would wait a minute before turning the key again. While I waited, I started to think through a Plan B. I could call Mr. Husband, but he was over an hour away and would not be amused. I could call roadside assistance, but you kinda sorta need to know which road you are on in order for them to find you. I figured I had a little time on my hands, so I grabbed my phone and pulled up Google Maps.
It said my current location was BFE. And, if you don't know that that stands for, it can roughly be translated as "In the middle of a field filled with horse poop and dandelions and you have GOT to be kidding if you think anybody is going to find you there."
Alexis and I sat in the Honda for ten minutes, me alternating between trying to figure out Plan B and me trying to start the vehicle. I considered walking to the nearest intersection to check the street sign, but realized that would require a good 3-mile walk. At 7:30am. With a cranky 4-year old.
No thank you, especially since Pennsylvania does this really fun thing where it considers labeling streets/roads to be an optional activity. I think maybe you have to request a street sign from the troll under the bridge, but first you have to figure out which bridge he is under, but you can't because none of the bridges are labeled. And if you call and ask for directions, the Powers that Be will tell you, "The yellow bridge."
They're all yellow.
Anyway, ten minutes passed and the Honda finally started, and then went on to act like nothing had ever happened. As in, it suddenly decided to run better than it had run for years. Literally.
It took me 4.2 seconds to call Mr. Husband and tell him to get rid of the dumb thing before I drove it off a cliff.
EPIC ERROR.
Never tell your husband that he needs to start car shopping. Ever. Never ever ever. Unless, of course, you enjoy hearing about cars 24 hours per day, 7 days per week for a month. And I don't.
Regardless, it's gone now (along with my sanity), but that's a whole other story.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Reader Comments (22)
Hehe, I only like to car shop online. I even haggle through email and openly pit dealers against dealers. Good luck with the search.
That picture is a classic!
Ugh...I"m in the same boat. Hate. Car. Shopping:/
Love the pic though;)
oh em gee that picture is EPIC.
That's mean of you to leave us hanging like that. We want to know what kind of car he choose.
I feel redundant but at least I'm in good company. Jesus, Alexis. Sass squared in the best way. Wherever could she have gotten it? Re: Cars, I'm with you. I mentioned a desire in passing once and am now being sent Ebay links. Not even Craigslist links. Ebay. Yikes.
You have my full sympathies. I've heard about nothing but cars 24/7 for the last 3 years. And we're not even in the market for a new one.
So, uh. Where do I get that brain filter?
Where is this magic brain filler you speak of?!
My poor husband has been hearing about the car I want for the last year. Not 24/7 (God, even I would have to kill myself for that one). We're nowhere NEAR being ready for a new car.
Love the picture. But, then again, you take some amazing shots.
(I'm *this* close to having convinced the husband it's time for a new camera. I am now off to stalk the page on your site with all the camera info) ;)
My Explorer is almost 7 years old but it's basically been rebuilt, it's such a piece of crap. That being said, I hope it never dies because the concept of car shopping makes me want to puke in my mouth.
The Hulton bridge (Oakmont) is lilac :) Only one in existence! Just sayin'.
Are you sure you don't drive past my place on the way? Because I also live in BFE...
while i understand this isn't the point of this post, HOLY CRAP IS THAT PHOTO ADORABLE. woman, you seriously have skills with that camera.
@hello haha narf--I can take zero credit for that photo, other than the fact that I clicked the little silver button. The Tiny Terrorist was the one giving me the stink eye over her glasses, all on her own.
We're looking for a new car. Despite the joy of no car payments, loading and unloading a kid from a Saturn Ion is proving to be increasingly bad for my back and his head. I told my husband to find something for us, but since I'm going to be the primary driver he insists I pick the vehicle. Blegh. Sure it will be fun to have a new vehicle (if only for the novelty of having a CLEAN vehicle...for a few days at least), but the getting there is going to involve a lot of sighs and eyerolling on my part.
FYI the optional street naming thing isn't a PA thing - it is a Burgh area thing. I spent months driving around with a map in my lap and cursing the lack of city planning and logic when I moved there.
There's nothing like that pang of anxiety in the pit of your stomach when your car conks out... especially in the middle of nowhere... with a kid in tow!
Makes the "where's my wallet" pang look like heartburn.
@michelleSmiles - when I moved here, I told my then fiance (now husband) that the Pittsburgh city planners were clearly on crack. I've lived here for 10 years now and the South HIlls and Monroeville are still complete enigmas to me.
Ooo! A new car! I hope he got something he'll enjoy!
I love that there is a yellow bridge in the picture.
Heh. My favorite part is the picture, because Alexis is TOTALLY saying, "Mom? Let *me* handle this."
@Katie in MA--Oh, she would have handled it, all right. She was very insistent that he get a yellow convertible Beetle. She had the whole thing figured out from Day One.
You realize that posting that picture means that is all people are going to comment about, right? You must frame that immediately!
Okay, I'll comment on the rest... Jim's old car used to stall in the middle of rush hour traffic. Ridiculously dangerous. You guys definitely need something new. Good luck!
Ughhhh -car shopping.....blahhhhhhh!
Why do guys like it so much - it has to be the worst experience ever.
I would try to just bite the bullet and go out fast and buy one.
It is just like ripping off a bandaid - the faster you do it, the less pain is involved!!!
Oh, and GREAT picture!
Heh I'm honestly the first comment to your incredible article?