Trickery

95% of the time, Mila asks to go to sleep and then ... goes to sleep. It's a magical little routine that makes my heart sing because could she make my life any easier? Well, yeah, she could if she would STAY asleep all night, but that's a separate issue. Bedtime is easy.

Except for when it's not.

On the nights when Mila changes her mind about wanting to go to sleep, she does so in such spectacular fashion that all I can do is laugh. It's either that or cry. Obviously.

Her refusal to go to sleep starts out with trickery. She lays in my arms, very nearly out, and then shoots up. JUST KIDDING! LET'S PARTY! From there, she grabs from her I'm Not Going to Sleep Bag of Tricks.

Trick #1: READ! Somehow, some way, in the darkness of the night, Mila manages to reach into the abyss and find a book. Does she keep one in her diaper? It's possible because I swear she pulls the book out of her ass. It just appears and she demands that I read it.

Trick #2: Go fishing. Hey, did you know that I keep fish in my mouth? OR DO I? Mila is on a mission to find out. She sticks her sticky little fingers in my mouth and goes fishing for treasure. Oh, and if I move my face so that she can't reach? I AM THE WORST MOTHER EVER OMG.

Trick #3: Make demands. If annoying me isn't working out, telling me what to do surely will. "Get up!" she'll tell me. When I don't instantly pop out of the chair like a jack-in-the-box, she gives me sooooo much grief. "NOT NICE! Get up!" She's an impressive little drill sargent when she wants to be.

Trick #4: Ask for help. If I'm not budging, surely yelling for the Big Kid will help. "ALESSUSSS!" "Where's Alessusss?" Usually by that point, Alexis is already in bed, so she's zero help to Mila. That doesn't mean it isn't worth trying, though.

Trick #5: Repeat Trick #2. You never know if it might work better the second time around.

Trick #6: Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. I'm not sure if we're all clear about the fact that I'm Mila's mom, but she wants to make sure that we are. She can repeat the word mom over 100 times before she decides that it's worth testing out a new trick.

Trick #7: DRAMA TIME. If all else fails, it's time to bring on the drama. Sobbing as if actual pain is involved is the absolute best way to buy another few minutes. Tears fall, ear drums are shattered, and a very sad little person makes it crystal clear that she was right when she said she was sleepy.

About half the time the trickery ends with me giving up on everything and going downstairs to get some work done. I take Mila with me and she acts as if she's stunned that I'm not willing to sit in the dark and wait for her to fall asleep. When the path leads downstairs, she ends up falling asleep eventually. First she has to rearrange all of the furniture and use up a few boxes of tissues while wiping her nose over and over again.

The other half of the time, I interrupt the drama with a simple question.

"Mila, do you want to go to sleep?" I'll ask.

"Yes!" she'll reply and then promptly close her eyes and go to sleep. It's as if the entire episode never happened.