Trying To Stick With "Thank You."
The sun shone brightly outside, but Mother Nature's recent tears have left the yard looking more like a swamp than a friendly play place for a kid. As a result, Alexis little feet were busy running circles around the family room and kitchen. Her best little furry buddy, Cody, was close behind, fully engrossed in the intense game of chase.
I probably should have fussed at Alexis to stop running in the house, but instead I used those rare moments of a child fully self-entertained to briefly check comments on Friday night's post. A few mentions of the couch prompted me to post a public reply. Just as I was about to hit the Post button, a certain 5-year old appeared in my face, her eyes full of questions.
I don't remember what it was that she wanted, but when I returned to the laptop to finally submit that comment, I stopped in my tracks. I paused as I read what I had written and then deleted it.
I had done it again.
Apologized.
That couch? Oh, we paid practically nothing for that thing. It was an outlet purchase! It needed some wood glue and is probably missing a (purely decorative) leg, but it still looks pretty good, right?
Any time someone comments on something new or something that I considered a Major Purchase, I find myself apologizing.
The blue sweater? I found that on clearance at TJMaxx for just $10!
The car? I managed to get that for $1000 under invoice! Plus, I spend $20 less per week on gas than I did with my old car, so it's practically a money maker.
The house? Oh, yeah, it's a nice house, but we paid $70,000 less than the first owners did when they had it built five years ago. It had a bunch of holes in the walls and the plumbing was a mess, but it's starting to come together.
I always find myself justifying purchases by trying to explain that we didn't actually spend that much money.
I find myself making excuses for what we have.
I find myself apologizing for having nice things.
But I'm trying to stop.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Reader Comments (16)
It's hard!!! And part of it, for me at least, is that I'm often very proud of my bargain finding abilities. Like, we went to a wedding this fall and the dress I wore -- and looked SMOKIN' HOT in, if I do say so... I found at Goodwill for $5.00. So there I was, in a lavish reception at a boutique hotel in Boston, trying to stop myself from bragging about my thriftiness.
But people aren't complimenting you by saying, "That sofa looks expensive!" They're saying, "You have good taste." THAT is something you can take full credit for and not feel any need to qualify.
I do the exact same thing.
That you for standing up and speaking out
I struggle with this so much!! My husband laughs at me because I'm apologetic and embarrassed by the (amazing) house we bought (which I love). And I just got a new (to me) car that is a fancier name than I've ever owned but I'm quick to point out it is 6 years old and will go for another 150K miles. And anytime someone compliments something I tend to do the same thing you do and tell them what a great deal I got on it which makes my husband ask me what the point of getting an amazing deal is if I immediately out the item as a bargain. I could go on. I need to work on just saying thank you too.
BTW - love the couch ;) and regardless of the deal you got on it, I'm sure you worked hard for the money that paid for it.
Never EVER apologize for having nice things that you and your husband have worked hard to earn. Anytime we buy something nice or perceived as expensive we always hear "how can you afford that?" or "it must be nice". Mostly from my incredibly cheap inlaws. My answer is always "yes, it is nice. We work our butts off to have these things".
I do that when it comes to my house. Someone comes over and says the house looks nice, and I proceed to point out every single flaw and unfinished project in the place. Then I show them the hidden messes, and make sure to draw their attention to any stains and/or smells. It's delightful.
@Gina--You and me both. By the way, did you ever notice that the faucet on that stupid extra kitchen sink is complete crap? Or that the family room ceiling needs painted? Or that the trim in the half bath is a mess?
Sometimes I should just punch myself instead of talking. Heh.
Note to Michelle:
You're allowed to have nice things.
That is all.
I do that, too, but I just thought I was bragging about my insane cheapness and ability to find a fantastic sale! Maybe I AM apologizing for having pretty things...
I don't do this with my kids, though. If someone tells me how awesome/well-behaved/adorable they are, I always say thank you. Always. And so do you, I think.
Be PROUD, be very very PROUD. You and your husband work to live the lifestyle that you want. That is something to be proud of, never to be looked down upon. You set goals and you achieve them - you are a great role model for your child. She will understand the value of things and appreciate them - unlike some children who grow up with the best of everything but yet don't understand that they do have the best but rather they think it is just the norm and expected.
My mom always told me there are two kinds of shoppers... those that will tell you how much they spent on something, and those that will tell you how much they saved. There is nothing wrong with being proud of getting a good deal, of being a smart shopper, of saving money (especially in today's economy!).
Don't apologize, be proud!
I am a proud saver, myself. I have no hesitation, when someone compliments my shoes, of saying "Thank you, can you believe I found them at Wal-Mart on sale for only $10?". To me, it says that I can be a smart shopper, use my money wisely, and still have style.
And by the way, the couch is amazing!
so many of us are guilty of that. i've been working on a big smile, a thank you AND THEN STOPPING. if they wanna know where i got it they will ask.
so difficult.
i'm glad you also are working on it. you work hard for everything you have. and you deserve nice things, dammit!
I do the same thing. THe good and the bad of childhood and how you were raised and the lessons you learned from it all - sometimes I think you can never really escape. Not that that means you can't try like hell. :)
Oh dang. I do that all the freakin' time. Men don't seem to apologize like women do. Why is that?
I do the same exact thing all the time.
I think it is because I came from a blue collar family and have always considered myself a blue collar worker (still do) and now that the hubby and I are comfortable and making a good living I feel the need to tell people that we still live a blue collar life. It's weird. I am still frugile and we are careful with our money and we are by no means rich, but I feel like people assume we are, and for some reason that bothers me. I guess there are stereotypes on both sides and clearly I hold my own. ???
I'll have to stop doing this too. Great post!
I suck at accepting compliments. I think a lot of women do. But like you, I am working on it.
I do it too. Remnants of growing up po' perhaps? the need to apologize for having money to spend... it's weird. Bah.