Ugly To The Bone
"Would you just shut up? You don't even know what we're talking about." The words cut through the air like swords at a Naval wedding.
Was it a joke? Was it playful teasing? Was it just a case of one woman being mean to another? I wasn't sure. I tried to ignore the whole thing as I shrunk further into my chair.
The manager and my stylist resumed their conversation about stolen samples. Apparently the salon had received a large box of product samples, but someone had made off with all of them. My stylist agreed that she would buy some of the shampoo and conditioner because she really wanted to try it.
Once the agreement was made, silence fell over the salon. Uncomfortable, tense silence.
Later, as I sat under the hair dryer, I heard another side of things.
"We just don't get along," the woman who had been on the receiving end of the cutting words said.
"Why not?" a third woman asked. My stylist, the one who had yelled "Would you just shut up," was was over on the other side of the room. She couldn't hear the conversation.
"Mostly because she's a bitch and I'm not," the woman replied.
That answered that. The original words were meant to be mean. The feeling was mutual.
I tried to ignore the conversation as they continued on and on and on. Hurtful, horrible words were thrown around. They laughed as they called their co-worker cruel names. They enjoyed every second of wallowing in a puddle of Mean Girl Antics.
I sat pondering why it is that women are so awful to one another. Why do we talk about one another like that? And why in front of customers? Everything about the exchange was utterly and completely unprofessional and unnecessary. I began to consider how I would go about interrupting them. I didn't care if I hurt their feelings. I needed silence to wrap around me.
Just as I was about to say something, one of the women suddenly realized she had a client that she should consider talking to. She was waxing her eyebrows, but had hardly even glanced at the teenage girl as she slathered on the wax.
"Do you want me to wax your lip, too? It looks terrible."
And suddenly I was angry. The client was no more than 16 or 17-years old. There was no need to tell her that anything about her was anything less than perfect. Unfortunately, the young girl had already read the memo that her Italian heritage had given her something that needed to be tamed. "I usually do it myself," she replied.
"I'll do a better job than you can at home," the stylist told the young girl.
Talk about rude. My blood started to boil so fast that I couldn't find words. Eventually I managed to form a few sentences as I complained to the manager about the hostile environment she was tolerating. It's on her to stop it, right? I mean, miracles aren't going to happen, but shouldn't people be required to at least be civil to one another when customers are around? And shouldn't the exercise a little kindness towards customers?
Women can be so ugly. It's truly a wonder men have anything to do with us.
Here's to hoping this one never gets sucked into that sort of drama.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Reader Comments (19)
I hope that your dream for her comes true. Women can be real bitches.
Oh man. That's a rough one indeed. (Though you wrote it well.)
I hate the petty bitchiness of womanhood. I do. (But don't you think, for a second, that dudes don't get all kinds of bitchy with one another. The fire dept stories that I have -- and am not allowed to share -- prove that men can be just as catty.)
I've always been so much happier when I work with men. Women suck. Obv not all...I have managed to surround myself on line and IRL with some who are pretty awesome but sadly that seems to be the exception. Many women just seem to think there isn't enough to go around. Not enough pretty, not enough smart, not enough funny, not enough men - so they put down other women to appear more awesome. Doesn't work out so well.
I don't get why people are so jerky to each other. It makes no sense.
For many years I worked in Construction (an all male environment) so I was kinda used to jokes and foul language at work. They all thought of me as one of the guys and I loved it. My contract was coming to an end and my husbands company was desperate for someone to help out in accounts for a year. I took the job to tide me over. It was horrific and I hated almost every minute of that year. Going from all male to an all female office. The office politics and bitchiness never stopped. I was seen as the bad person as I didn't get involved so I was usually on the recieving end. I worked as admin for the Tech department so I was was sorting out lots of things with the men who work in that department. The womens response to that was to start a rumour that I was basically a whore and screwing all of them. Lovely. All in front of my husband. Anyway I didn't last the year and I am much happier in my little hermit job as a GIS consultant. No people involved.I would never work in an office again for anything.
Awful. And this is exactly why I dislike most women. And (partly) why I am hating my (women-filled) job so much. So petty! And rude! And all of the talking behind backs? Good lord!
As I look at teenagers now, I worry that it's getting even worse. I hope I'm wrong, and that our kids don't see an increase in the negatives of Women.
heartbreaking. i just don't get why women are so cruel to each other. i find it so much easier to say a kind word. makes me feel better about me. when i tear down someone else i feel crappy about me in the process. i choose happy.
may alexis always know how smart, talented, funny, pretty and all around tremendous she truly is.
Aside from the woman on woman hatin', to act like that in front of customers is unconscionable. Save the sniping, if you must, for the back room. If I'm the manager, I'd have to lay down the law, clean house, or both.
And there are ways to help moustache girl without belittling her. Tact... learn it.
If I were you, I'd go get styled elsewhere. (Which I presume you are doing...)
I agree with Kathleen. I've worked with all women and there was constant drama in our office of 8. Now I am the only woman (12 men running heavy equipment and me in an office dealing with 100 trucks coming and going all day) and these guys may fight and bitch at each other (we all communicate with each other over company radios), but it never lasts longer than the moment and they are friends again.
My daughter is a hair stylist and she could tell some stories about the nastiness that goes on in large salons. I'm sure they were taught in cosmetology school how to be tactful to customers. Women can be so mean. It's sad. Hope you find a different salon.
@bluzdude--I'm not in any sort of committed relationship with any salon. Just happened to have a couple of hours and was near there, so I dropped in. Won't do that again, though. For sure.
I couldn't agree with you more. If you have to be ugly about people can't they do it when clients are not around?
Here is hoping she doesn't! With a mom like you for an example I have a feeling she is going in the right direction. :-)
I wanted to comment, but I just don't know what to say. I have two girls. I hope and pray that they truly learn by example - MY example.
PS Glad you spoke your mind once you found the words.
I've found that the women who are my closest friends (and I can count them on one hand) are the women who are self confident enough to not try and denigrate other women to make themselves feel better. I don't deal well with bitchy women who try and belittle other females (especially teenagers, like they don't already have enough self esteem issues.) I also much prefer to work with men because there's none of the petty bs. While working in a large insurance company I had the joy of having rumors begun about me and a guy that I worked with. I tracked it down, calling everyone in the chain who said they "heard it from" until I got to the starter. Turns out she had started the rumor to distract from a situation she was involved in. Long story short she ended up getting fired as this was the final straw in a long history of bad decisions on her part. Negativity has no place in a work environment, if I want drama I'll watch a movie.
You need to see Miss Representation. It was on TV a few weeks ago. It's going to re-air on November 12th. It was eye-opening even to a cynic like me. http://missrepresentation.org/the-film/
(I realize my note seems a little random and spammy, but one of the topics in the film is the bitch fight stereotypes propogated by reality TV. Plus, it's just a really powerful film especially for parents with children of either gender.)
I am an Instructional Designer and we make online higher education courses for schools, universities and publications across the globe, but mostly US based, and the office is full of highly educated women. And somehow, the intensity of the negative attitude seems directly proportional to their educational degrees. Due to which, I have resorted to working strictly from home and going to office only to coordinate with my graphic designers (all men!) when I need to discuss my media strategies for the courses with them. Also, my best friend since the past 7 yrs happens to be a gentleman who is at the senior management level in the same office. The result -- all women bitching about me having hot and steamy affairs with my best friend in order to grow and succeed quickly. Every time I go to office, there are new stories about us being together!
I really fail to understand what sort of fun women derive from bitching about other women. Why is it so difficult for one woman to treat another with respect and handle their differences in a mature way
I KNOW!!!! You are exactly right! Women can be so incredibly horrible! My husband just came home the other day and was remarking how he saw women at the courthouse (a judge and an attorney to be exact so it goes right along with Amandeep's theory) being HORRIBLE to each other. He asked me why women were so awful to each other. I had no answer. I will never be able to figure it out. I just don't get it.
I am so glad you said something to the manager. That was completely unacceptable. How awful.
I have a small handful of close female friends and that is about it. I have been hurt by girlfriends so many times I just started having more guy friends. And working with mostly women was always hell for me too. I really don't know how men put up with women either.
Very intruiging post!
I'm with you... I really hope I can teach my daughter how to be confident enough to not act like that. Cattiness, bitchiness, drama- I hate, Hate, HATE it. (And I do not use the "hate" word very often.) I've been lucky enough to find a few, select women irl who feel the same way- and I've clung to them. I've also been lucky enough to find like-minded friends online!
Sometimes I want to smack people upside the head and get them to realize that "Kindness does NOT equal Weakness!" Just because you are kind, does not mean you are a push-over or not confident in yourself. It takes A LOT of strength to be kind to some people!
It's so sad that there are some fields of work that are cesspools of gossip and The Tear-Down. Salons being one of them. Most of the service industry is centered around complainers and the drinking of haterade. Just don't drink the punch! I'm sure Alexis will grow up to ignore the ridiculousness...I mean, with a no bullshit mama like you, how can she not. :)