Weapons of Mass Consumption Best Go Elsewhere
In theory, I should hate the Girl Scouts and their blasted cookies. After years of torture at the hands of the Girl Scout leader who drank lots of the Kool-Aid, I have every right to never want to see another green sash for as long as I shall live. The evil Girl Scout leader made me wear my uniform to school every single week, even on school picture day. It wasn't the fun blue uniform the Daisies wear, nor was it that poop-brown Brownies uniform. No, siree, it was the bright green pants, crazy patterned shirt, and green sash of the Juniors set. I WORE THOSE GREEN PANTS ON PICTURE DAY.
The same crazed Girl Scout leader forced me to go door-to-door selling cookies. It was an uphill walk, both ways, through ten feet of snow. And lest you think I exaggerate, I lived in Minot, North Dakota at the time. Cookie season is in January. Do the math, but make sure you carry the one because OMG! There was a lot of snow there. Always.
In case you didn't figure it out, the lunatic Girl Scout leader was my mom. She drank gallons of the Kool-Aid. She might have lived on the stuff. Every year she drove me through neighborhoods all over the vast nothingness that is North Dakota because I had no choice but to sell at least 300 boxes of blasted cookies. She would sit in the car, toasty and warm, while I trudged through snow drift after snow drift, begging people to PLEASE just buy 100 boxes because then I could go home and be warm, too.
Whatever.
Here's where I'm going to admit something I never thought I would say: that torture might have led me to gain a few selling skills. I might have used those skills at some point in time. Maybe. I don't want to get all carried away and give anybody too much credit for the champion ear piercing sales skills I demonstrated in college.
These days, the only thing the Girl Scouts are learning from cookie sales is how to hand the sales sheet over to their parents. Or do they not do the sales sheet anymore? It seems more like the girls and their parents hide at random locations around town and play Marco Polo with those cookies. Seriously, you would not believe how much trouble I went to in order to find a few boxes of those cookies. A LOT OF TROUBLE. I think there is a vast conspiracy to keep cookies out of my mouth.
Over the weekend I finally found a respectable stash of the crack . . . er . . . I mean cookies. In theory, I secured enough to last months. (Thank you so much @AccessClosing! And @soulfulleoness!)
In theory.
Two years ago, Alexis was not at all interested in Girl Scout cookies. It was as it should be. Momma gets all the cookies for herself. This year, Alexis has evolved into a Girl Scout cookie weapon of mass consumption. People, she ate an entire box of Peanut Butter Patties (I refuse to acknowledge the name changes, sorry.). AN ENTIRE BOX. IN TWO DAYS.
I'm hunting down more cookies. They will be secured in a top-secret, locked location. If anybody tries to touch them, they best run for dear life.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Reader Comments (38)
This is a great post. I can't wait to get my cookies tomorrow. Thin mints are my favorite next to the peanut butter patties. I never made it to girl scout. I was a brownie and did the cross over ceremony to be a Girl Scout, but then quick. I decided I was too cool for girl scouts and decided to join band instead. Went from one geek to another. Oh well I accept it.
As a Patty, I demand you get along with the name change.
That is a perfect photo. Fork over the thin mints, lady.
I got cookies from some dear little girl yesterday, knocking on my front door. This means I still have more coming when the little darlings next door come around. It's guaranteed.
So are you going to be a troop leader for Alexis? ;-)
@Krissa--HELL NO. HELL NO. HELL NO. I like her too much to be her troop leader. So far. If she gets into my cookies again, I may need to rethink that.
My 2 year-old discovered the wonderful world of Thin Mints and I was never so happy to see them gone because if I had to endure ONE more temper tantrum because I wouldn't let him eat them for breakfast, I was going to lose my mind. I swear they are putting crack in those things anymore.
You can store them in the same place my husband has all his zombie supplies.
I've got access to a very limited supply of some extra boxes. Next year, I'll drop you an e-mail and we'll get together so my kid can work on her selling skills.
Things like Girl Scout cookies make me less upset over my daughters soy and peanut allergies. Guess I have no choice but to keep mine in my desk drawer!
There is nothing like Thin Mints, straight from the freezer. I get all hungry just thinking about the "snap." Does anyone else freeze their Thin Mints? Also, they really need to update the nutritional info on the Thin Mints. The servings are completely out of whack. What it should say is Container = 2 servings. (or 1serving, if it's a weekend day)
But as much as I like Thin Mints, the Samoas are my crack. 1 Box = 1 Serving in About 5 Minutes.
I don't remember the last time I saw an actual Girl Scout selling cookies. From what I can tell, it's the parents that are in Girl Scouts now, because all they do is bring the forms into work.
Unfortunately, my involvment in selling crap for Little League predated that trend and like you, I had to take my ass all over the neighborhood to sell candy, leaf bags or flower seeds. (Granted, I didn't have to go all over North Dakota in January) But I had to go knocking on doors all over town. I think my parents were trying to get me kidnapped.
I am going out today to buy a big pack of Oreo cookies to leave on the kitchen counter. My girl scout cookies will be hiding on the top shelf of the cabinet above the refrigerator. If the kids spot them I might tell them they are yucky sugar free cookies. Oh, yes I will.
I can't find a single freakin' Girl Scout to get my cookies from. Which is a shame. I REALLY wanted the lemon jobbies.
I bought GS cookies a couple of years ago for the first time in a while. I was majorly disappointed at how few cookies are now in a box.
I quit Girl Scouts after the eighth grade, after my new troop leader wanted each girl in our troop to sell 450 boxes of cookies each so that the troop could take a trip to Virginia to go spelunking. When only two of the girls in the troop made the goal, we were given a talk about responsibility to others. Did I mention that the troop leader had two daughters in the troop, and a husband who acted as troop dad and accompanied us on all of our adventures? Nothing like organizing your family vacation through the GSUSA.
Ha! Your welcome. I have more if you want em. BTW, I did make Julia go door to door. But Hubs and I went with her. She had to do all the Talking, and be accountable to them. It's a great lesson. We did help her out however, by letting people know ourselves. It's ridiculous how many boxes the girls are expected to sell. There really is no return to the individual troops, and for that I don't like it. But I will stuff my face with peanut Butter cookies, Thin Mints, and Lemon Creme's, and try an be OK with it. Nom nom nom
I am STILL waiting for my cookies to be delivered. Love the picture of A, by the way. Too cute.
I'm a little concerned about the amount of love for Thin Mints going on here. Have you people tried the peanut butter thingies? Both of them? OHMAIHELL. Peanut butter > Mint. Period.
OMG! MY mom was my girl scout leader too!!! I remember wearing the brownie uniforms to school, but I don't think I had to wear the green ones.
Such a cute picture!!
Shhhh...don't tell my kids, but I totally have a secret stash of Somoas. Hubby laughed pretty hard when he found them (but won't dare touch them without prior permission from me-and not one more than authorized). My 5yo almost found them. But I'm still quicker than him.
I want to eat a whole box in one day and may conquer that thanks for the motivation A! :)
AND I'm TOTALLY with you on the PB>Mint. Thin mints are dumb.
ALSO, I may have just argued with people at work that the lemon ones and the berry ones are healthy as they have FRUIT in them. I haven't "won" yet but i am NOT giving up the fight.
@Deena--If the lemon ones aren't healthy, then why have I lost a pound since the cookies invaded my house? They are winners.
(I need to try the berry ones. BAD.)
Ah, Tag Alongs! (One of) my favorite!! Easy copy-cat: Ritz crackers - samiched (spelled that way on purpose) together with some peanut butter and dipped in almond bark chocolate coating. Voila! No need to hunt down the "Girls". Thin Mints can be copied, too (Town house crackers dipped in the same coating with peppermint extract added) but it's not QUITE as good.
I'll let you know how my copy cat Samoas turn out...
PS Durn Lent! I have to freeze mine until after Easter!!
did tagalongs use to be peanut butter patties?
in any case, last year I couldn't pay my girls to eat tagalongs. so this year I ordered one little box, all for me. (Dan doesn't eat them either.) This year? they like the dang things. I haven't even gotten ONE.
They keep well in the freezer, as I'm sure you know. Can you believe I didn't buy a single box of cookies this year? What up with THAT?
@Redpenmama--They are STILL Peanut Butter Patties, but the GS like to be all snooty and give them a "clever" name now.
Criminy. One year I obsessed about trying to be the top seller in my troop so I went ballistic and hit everyone up. All I got was a crummy stuffed squirrel and a wildlife book. So not worth it. I think we all finished our last back from 1984 a year ago...
But oh...the Somoas.
I remember that post like it was yesterday, and am thrilled to know that she is now eating them the right way - and I am uber impressed with her pace!
I am ashamed to admit that I opted out of buying cookies this year. I know it supports a good cause, but the price-to-quantity ratio has gotten a bit distorted. As has my ass-to-pants ratio, which is probably the better reason for passing.
Diva is a Jr. Scout. We've got cookies. Still delivering cookies. These days the discourage door to door selling due to way too many weirdos out there.
You pierced ears at one point?
My neighbors are the most awesome people in the universe! Not only did their daughter score us cookies, but their dad has snow blowed our driveway five times.
I am loving her hair with the flippy things!! Adorable!
i went to the girl scout council website for the girl scouts in pittsburgh, which is here and i found their cookie booth locator so it should be pretty easy to find a location for sales if you know your zip code, and you can find exactly what date/ time they will be there. this is the year 2010. finding girl scout cookies in season is as easy as finding google.com and typing in "pittsburgh girl scout cookies". if you have any problems, i am sure you could call the council and they could find dozens of girls who would love to sell to you.
secondly, i too was the life-long girl scout wearing the uniform and with the troop leader mother, and yes, cookie sales have changed a lot since "back in the day" when i used to sell them, but some things haven't changed -- girls still sell more than half of cookies in the "sheet sales," which they call friends & family sales these days. girls still learn how to set goals, and make a plan to reach them -- whether it is for a patch, a stuffed animal, a campership, a trophy, or an ipod. i always went for a campership, but my mom also wouldn't pay for camp, and they didn't have ipods back then. i might feel differently these days.
girls still learn how to present themselves and market their products, they learn to pitch cookies to people, they learn communication, financial literacy, accounting, and money handling. they get to raise money for stuff they want to do, instead of expecting that everything be handed to them. did you ever see the world's shyest brownie almost puke from nerves when she tried to approach a stranger to buy cookies? i was that brownie, a long time ago, and i saw her at the grocery store last weekend, too. more than ever, girl scout cookie sales are about SO MUCH MORE than just the thin mints. it's about giving a girl a chance to prove herself, right? i'm so grateful for everyone who bought cookies from me, and i am stoked to get to return the favor to the next generation.
also this video that i did not make is more eloquent than me
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Hubs was ticked that I didn't get any Peanut Butter Patties from my niece this year. And now I want some too.
Sorry about the cold you endured. Minot. BRRRRRRRR.
My folks worked in a hospital, so I mostly "sold" cookies by having them hang a form in the break room. Of course, then I always wanted to get to the next level of prize which meant we'd have to buy however many additional boxes that was, which was usually a lot. Luckily, Samoas didn't exist then or I would have been even a fatter kid than I was.
BTW- My hubs is also from Minot. We get excited about random Minot references. The last time we saw Henry Rollins he told a story about watching a movie in Minot. We cheered. People probably thought we were drunk. Which we probably were. The end.
I can't keep up with the cookies. I am always happy to find them when they appear at my house though. Always a nice surprise.
My Dad was a boy scout version of your mom. I sold so many tickets to our expo that I got a new TV and a lifetimes worth of camping equipment. My dad was a mailman and he took me to every house on his route. When I quit scouts 2 merit badges short of eagle scout he nearly killed me.
Um, hi! Seriously, I have 50 cases in a spare bedroom. Just wrote a post about it.
They aren't really name changes they are just called different things around the country. Odd, but true.
Oh, the green uniform. Oh how I hated it. I couldn't wait to get to Cadets and wear the dark blue but unfortunately no mom would take the troop so it dissolved. My sister and I walked all over creation selling cookies, and houses are far apart in rural Westmoreland County, dude. We couldn't ever get any high numbers because we were in a troop together and had to split all sales between the 2 of us, tho.
I was cookie "captain" for the troop of juniors I was leader for before Peanut was born and I learned I don't ever want to be a troop leader to my own kids. I was really bothered by a certain type of mother working with the troop and the council. If I ever become that sort of mother, please impale me with a spork.
I have to avoid these cookies as they don't last 15 minuets in my house. There are 15 samoas in a box I believe which is nothing for me and my boys (9 and 12 yrs old). Each kid can polish off a sleeve of Thin Mints in minutes (faster if frozen).
I read in a book about nutrition that when we eat foods with corn syrup in them our body does not kick in with the 'satiation' feeling so we keep wanting to eat more and more. Test this with Chips Ahoy, Oreos or GS Cookies. Make a batch of real cookies from scratch with butter (no trans fats) and real sugar. Usually 2-3 cookies from scratch is ENOUGH and we stop, feeling satisfied. But I can eat a dozen or more Oreos without flinching.
Bad, bad, bad.