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Thursday
Aug122010

Whatcha Gonna Do When Karma Comes For You

I believe in Karma. You do good things and good things boomerang right back to you. You do bad things and, well, you have the sort of week I've been having.

I've been racking my brain trying to figure out exactly what I did to get Karma's panties all bunched up. Was it the bike thing? Because that's hardly fair. I had the emergency brake on and I can promise I don't have magical mental mirror moving powers. If I did? I'd do WAY better than taking out a lone bicyclist.

Was it that I threatened to drive my car off of a cliff a few too many times? Because that's not fair either. I have a $2500 hole in my bank account that says we are TOTALLY even. Actually, the car is winning because $2500 later, IT'S STILL NOT FIXED.

Yeah, THAT is the kind of week I'm having.

It wasn't until I was standing out in the yard talking to the neighbor that I figured out what's going on. I was explaining to him how my wonderful husband managed to lock his keys in his car. His only keys. As in, he HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM. There is exactly one key that will unlock that car, and it is safely nestled into the seat behind a few thousand pounds of glass and metal.

The neighbor asked if Mr. Husband was going to try to break into the car, I confirmed that fact, and then the neighbor said he was pretty sure he could get in. Before my brain could analyze the words, I blurted, "I should have known you would be able to break into a car."

The look on his face said, "Did you just accuse me of looking like a car thief?"

The look on my face said, "Aw, hell. I just told him he looks like a car thief." He doesn't AT ALL, by the way. In fact, I kinda adore that neighbor. A lot. He's Mr. Husband's new boyfriend and keeps him out of trouble fairly often.

As I tried to dance my way out of the stupid mess my mouth made, it dawned on me that I am collateral damage. It wasn't me that pissed off Karma, it was Mr. Husband. She's throwing everything she's got at him this week, and I'm getting splashed like the bathroom floor in a bar. It's really, really gross down here.

After three hours of trying, Mr. Husband and his neighborly boyfriend never did manage to break into the car. I'm thinking that means Karma is still pissed. I'm stuffing a Dora doll in Mr. Husband's briefcase tonight and instructing him to throw it under a moving bus tomorrow.  You have to do good to get Karma back on your side, and there is nothing better than ridding the world of a little Latina Whore.

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Reader Comments (9)

you knocked the Jonas Brothers too, don't forget that one ;-) LOL
Praying things get better by this weekend. Karma is NOT being my friend this week either, so maybe it's a 'burgh thing, not just us. I have 36 hours to find a new dog sitter for half of our vacation, and the beast is already in Erie, UGH!
August 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGinger
Is the neighborly boyfriend perhaps DBD? Just curious.

I'm all for throwing Dora under the bus but I think it wouldn't hurt to burn one in effigy and coat one in meat and set her out in the field for the coyotes. ¡Ay carumba!
August 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJames Bainbridge
Can.not.stop.giggling. at the car thief comment. I just can't.

Any way you look at it, this has been a harsh week. For everyone. Can we just start again next Tuesday? (I hate Mondays).
August 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermamaphan
Everyone I've talked to is having a screwed up week. Must be a Burgh thing. Hope the weekend is better!
Great picture!
August 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen
OR maybe you could just stick some pins in Dora? Or maybe look around your house for a dead chicken. Maybe somebody's done put the hex on you. Get rid of that chicken, problem solved.
August 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMadame Queen
You have to watch out for that Karma splash over. It will get you every time. I hope the Dora plan works out for you.
August 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTara R.
Watch a AAA mechanic open a car to get keys out (oh, just a few weeks ago, ahem, never mind), it took less than 5 minutes. And makes you wonder why we bother locking cars at all.
August 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDoug
I'm sure glad Karma is messing with you for awhile. That means she's leaving me alone!!! There are times when I just can't figure out what I did to deserve her wrath. We went all the way out to Walmart today for the big Dora birthday party that was no bigger than some random lady handing out cupcakes.
August 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca
Ha - love how that pic looks like she approves of the plot. As do we, Alexis, as do we.
August 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatie in MA
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