When Furry Things Attack

The second I opened the car door, I heard it -- the distinctive gurgly roar that calls out in a frequency that only I can hear (APPARENTLY) demanding that I walk over to the pond. It's the sound of the pump choking and struggling for water.

Ignoring that sound is a potentially expensive idea since the pump can burn out, so while Alexis headed into the house to get the dogs, I grabbed Mila and headed to the pond. Even though darkness had already fallen, it was easy to see that the water level wasn't too low. That meant that something was happening in the filter box that was keeping water from getting to the pump efficiently.

I say "something" because while I was quick to think it was leaves that had gathered in the filtration that exists to catch things like leaves, it wasn't that long ago that I found a snake inside the box. So, I propped Mila on my hip and carefully bent over to shove the lid off of the box. I quickly jerked my hand back because YOU GUYS, THERE WAS A SNAKE IN THERE ONCE, and quickly realized it was definitely a leaf problem. The only animal in the box was a frog. With one eye firmly locked on the frog, JUST IN CASE, I leaned over to grab the filtration stuff so I could clear it ...

and ...

then ...

it ...

happened.

Something furry brushed up against me.

Let's start with what I didn't do, shall we? I did not scream. I did not drop Mila and run. I didn't fall in the pond. Therefore, WIN! I might have let out a long sting of cusses as I went into full-on panic mode, but the baby was safe! And everybody was dry!

Once I calmed down enough to think coherently, I set out to try to figure out what furry thing had touched me in the dark. Which, is there a scarier sentence than that one? Furry things touching people in the dark is basically the reason nightmares exist.

ANYWAY. I looked around, half expecting to never find the answer which would just result in even more nightmares. Instead, I did find the answer. Glowing eyes stared at me from a foot away. I would have freaked the hell out and thrown Mila in the pond while I ran away, but the glowing eyes were accompanied by a friendly little "meow."

Phew.

A cat.

But it wasn't our cat. It was a solid black kitten. I've seen her around before, but never right by the pond. She must have been trying to fish when we pulled up and then hid under the patio table when I approached.

She's friendly, by the way. I already knew that, but I suppose the fact that she brushed up against me in the dark means she's the sort of friendly that is born from EVIL. PURE EVIL.

I returned to my task, dumping the leaves out of the pond filter, and ignored my frenemy the cat. As I worked, Mila struggled to free herself from my grasp because obviously. KITTY. RIGHT THERE. MUST ATTACK KITTY WITH LOVE.

Alas, there was still a frog staring at me, making sure I knew it could jump at my face at any second, so I ignored all of the things and worked on replacing the filter. Mila struggled. The frog stared. I carefully balanced on a stepping stone while trying to keep all of the other things under control. The cat meowed.

And then the door opened. Only a minute or two had passed since I had started my encounter with the cat, and now Alexis had the dogs on leashes and was taking them outside. Great! The dogs made it about ten steps before they realized there was something strange in the neighborhood. And JUSTLIKETHATBOOM.

The dogs ran full-speed at the cat, ripping their leashes out of Alexis' hand and very nearly knocking Mila and me into the pond.

The cat ran.

So did the dogs.

Alexis screamed then took off to chase the dogs.

I was still worried about the damn frog.

"PENNY! CODY!" Alexis yelled out in the darkness, pleading with her dogs to return.

"KITTY!" Mila chimed in.

The dogs ran into the street, their heavy plastic leashes bouncing behind them, as the cat ran into a neighbor's garage. Alexis chased after them, yelling at the top of her lungs. I chased after Alexis with a wiggly, impatient baby balanced on my hip.

So much yelling.

So much chasing.

I think we can add the whole fiasco to our very long list of reasons our neighbors think we're nuts.

 

Comments

[Mary]

It probably took longer to tell that little tale then it actually took to happen. Oh and yes you win because you didn't fall into the pond.

[Mechelle]

The most hilarious thing I have read all week!! Thank you for making me snort at my desk. Glad all turned out ok.

[ann]

Hilarious! You should write a book!