The Duo

Life Isn't Fair

I have a very long and very well documented hatred of teeth. Specifically, I firmly believe that teeth belong inside your mouth and anytime they are anywhere that isn't inside your mouth, I have a problem. They should also be SOLIDLY in your mouth, for what it's worth. So, just imagine how I feel about loose kid teeth resulting in bodily tissues left around the house so a sadistic fairy can swap the bodily tissue for cash.

It's all so very stupid.

And gross.

And wow have we been living the stupid, gross life a lot lately.

I am not here to take back any of the mean things I've said about loose teeth or teeth falling out or any of that, but Mila? MILA WINS.

It turns out that magical kids who spend all of their time conjuring happy don't have time to notice loose teeth. Mila occasionally will become vaguely aware that she has a loose tooth, but not really because we go straight from, "I have a loose tooth!" to her slapping that tooth under a pillow.

It's ... ideal. She has to lose those teeth, obviously, but her way of doing it tightens the whole process into just a few hours. And now? Now she's packing in two or three in a week and WOOOO! That's so much better than one per month for months on end.

I mean, the kid is basically toothless right now, but I didn't suffer along the way.

Which is why the Tooth Fairy has been a wee bit generous. She awards kids who don't torture their mothers. It seems right.

Unless you're the other kid who was evil and mean and spent months wiggling any loose teeth and making sure I saw when they were holding on by a thread. Apparently that kid completely remembers that the Tooth Fairy paid $1 per tooth and she is PISSED that the creepy collector of bodily tissues is now paying more like $5.

And to that, the Tooth Fairy says, "Suck it!" Torture your parents less than your sibling and it will work out for you.

Happy Maker

There was a point this afternoon when all of the things were happening at once.

1. There was a literal snake swimming in the koi pond. I tried to catch it and it disappeared into the hydrangeas and gaaaaaaaaaah. I cannot sleep until it is found and moved very far away. It still isn't hours later.

2. There were four stinkbugs stuck between the screen and window RIGHT NEXT to my desk. Which, I was trying not to look out the window because SNAKE IN MY POND, but they kept smacking into the glass and grabbing my attention so ... GAH.

3. My phone was ringing because despite being asked, "Do you have swimming today?" Mila went to school without her swimming stuff and needed me to run it to school for her. There's a road closure that makes that a giant pain in the ass, but I didn't have any meetings for the next half hour and I have a "you get one pass" sort of rule, so blah. I bailed the kid out but JUST THIS ONCE. (Side note: Alexis used her one pass for the school year when she slept through her alarm in the second week. Would you have guessed Alexis would be the first to blow it? Because I didn't.)

All of that is to say, it wasn't the best afternoon. Work provided a bit of sanity, but the world in my immediate vicinity was very not nice.

And then Mila came home from school. I had to ask her to do her homework about 17843 times (not that I counted or anything). She left socks and shoes all across the dining room floor. Her bag with a wet swimsuit and towel was thrown on the floor in the kitchen. Basically, a trail of chaos wound its way through the house and it led directly to Mila.

And, so, I asked Mila to clean it up. "Listen, troublemaker, pick up your stuff," I said.

"I"m not a troublemaker," Mila replied.

"Oh, yeah? Then what are you?" I asked.

"I'm a happy maker!" Mila responded.

If that isn't the most self-aware thing the kid has ever said, I don't know what is.

Happy maker, indeed.