Names Withheld to Protect the Innocent ... and Guilty

Life has handed me plenty of reasons to laugh, but none quite so fantastic as birds.

Yes, birds.

If you've been around these parts for a while, you may remember that one of my children is SUPER afraid of birds. She has no reason for said fear. There was no early life trauma or anything like that. She just woke up one day and was all sorts of NOPE about birds. And that? That has been a gift that keeps on giving. I try not to make too much fun of her because it is a genuine phobia, but even she sees the hilarity in how she sort of melts into the background whenever a bird is around.

If you're picturing the Simpsons meme where Homer melts into the bushes, YES. THAT'S EXACTLY IT. We'll be walking downtown, happen upon some pigeons, and I'll suddenly realize the kid has disappeared. It's hilarious every single time.

Oh, and peacocks? You know how they sometimes wander the zoo? I know they sometimes wander the zoo because that same kid VANISHES whenever one is spotted. I'm not mean enough to post it, but there is an incredible video of a peacock at a plantation in South Carolina and basically the video shows one of my children running to hug the peacock and the other one melting all the way up two flights of stairs and behind a pillar.

Heh.

Which brings us to the other gift. It was one level of funny when the one kid was scared of birds (and had a good sense of humor about it), but it was a WHOLE OTHER THING when the second kid came along and was all I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ALL OF THE ANIMALS. ESPECIALLY BIRDS.

That other kid is drawn to birds like I am to chocolate. She is going to have a pet bird some day, and it might just be a wild bird that she captures and convinces to follow her home. She loves them and adores them and wants to be friends with every last bird on Earth.

And that is exactly why I have a photo of that one kid trying to sneak up and steal an Eagle while the other kid is nowhere in sight. She was in another zip code, I do believe. She ran there the second there was even the slightest mention of birds.

If the Coffin Fits, I Guess?

Acorns and Frogs, Oh My

Mila kind of sucks at amusement parks. I've known this all summer as she is FINALLY tall enough to ride a few things at Kennywood, but has flatly refused. We've managed to bribe her onto the Jackrabbit two or three times, but each time was a 2-hour production and FINE. FINE, CHILD. WE WILL TAKE YOU TO KIDDYLAND.

If you're confused by this, join the club. The kid gets fussed at constantly for turning the living room furniture into a full-contact obstacle course, but somehow a roller coaster that some 4-year olds are tall enough to ride is super scary. If I had $1 for every time I told her to get down from some high place or some precarious position, I would be a millionaire, but controlled risks? Hahahahlolsob. She's afraid of them.

ANYWAY.

That means Alexis didn't get to ride anything big at Dollywood. She's actually very okay with that because she's the best big sister ever (... and I promised a return), a fact further cemented by her willingness to ride whatever Mila will ride.

Except the frogs. Alexis wisely drew the line at the frogs because COME ON. It's great that Mila thought they were SO MUCH FUN, but there were kids in diapers on that ride. The only novelty was that it was frogs and we all know Mila loves her some frogs.

And acorns.

I know I've written about Mila's obsession with acorns. She collects dozens of them every time we go for a hike, which can be proven by the fact that I removed approximately 8251935908314 of them from my car last week. (That number may be a bit low given that I can't really count past 100 without getting annoyed.) When Mila learned there was a ride that allowed her to sit inside a giant acorn? She was so happy. So very happy.

So, Kennywood. Now that you've removed all of Mila's favorite rides and left me stuck living in Kiddyland, maybe consider getting yourselves your own giant acorns? Maybe they can go where the Kangaroo used to be? That is quite possibly the only way I will ever again be able to walk through that part of the park without Mila sobbing because you took away her favorite ride and left a concrete pad in its place.

Acorns aren't the Kangaroo, but we could maybe make do. Maybe.