The Trailer Trash is Furious
I grew up poor. Really poor. As in I grew up living in beat-up trailer in the crappiest trailer park in town. My mom, when she was able to work (which wasn't often), worked at Wendy's. My dad, once he got out of the Air Force, worked assorted temporary jobs, including a stint at a gas station. Right now I make about six times as much money as my parents made combined, even in a good year.
Because nothing was ever handed to me, I learned something very important very young--I learned that if you want something, you have to work for it. I delivered newspapers for three years to save enough money for my first car. I babysat so that I could buy myself clothes. I worked three jobs my senior year of high school so that I could go to Spain as an exchange student. I worked my ass off.
And I would have it no other way.
A strong work ethic has catapulted me to success. Meanwhile, I have watched former classmates who were given every privilege in the world grow into adults who can't function without talking to Daddy first. The same people who once looked down on me because I wore crappy second-hand clothes are now incapable of making it a month without asking for hand-outs from their parents.
There was a time when those people could get under my skin. A little insult there, a blatant put-down here, they were able to get me down. Then I grew up and realized that money isn't everything, and that working hard will get you what you want. As a bonus, I don't have to worry about being manipulated or guilt-tripped by someone who paid for something. Nobody paid for anything I have now.
I thought I was past all that feeling bad about myself cause of economic status thing, but it turns out not so much. Why? Because recently someone has made me feel like crap for not putting Alexis into an elite preschool. We CHOOSE not to put her into one, and I absolutely believe it's ridiculous to think the freakin' preschool a kid goes to makes any difference whatsoever on his or her success. I am absolutely evidence that the school you go to makes ZERO difference in one's success. It's all about learning to work for you want that matters. Period.
So, Alexis, we won't send you to a preschool that "auditions" its students. We won't send you to a preschool that costs more per semester than some people make in a year. We will not put you in a class filled with snobby kids who don't know what it means to be told "no."
We will require that you earn what you get.
And if anyone makes you feel like a heel for any of that, just ignore them. Your trailer trash mom will take care of it.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Reader Comments (90)
"We will require that you earn what you get."
This is why Alexis is amazing.
This post . . . I love this post. That's all I can say.
So. Many. Comments. So. Little. Space. Head. Spinning. Where. To. Begin.
I know it's difficult, but please, please, please try to put whatever that elitist idiot said in the trash where it belongs. I, too, grew up poor and worked for everything I have. Nothing replaces loving and involved parents in a child's education. Private pre-schools are a joke. They just continue to wipe away a kid's chance at actually having a real childhood. Kids today will face enough pressures to succeed and conform soon enough. Let Alexis enjoy and actually have a childhood. From what I've read of your blog, she's well on the way to a being a well-adjusted, bright and engaging individual.
Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about the choices you make for Alexis. I don't know you all that well, but in my one chance meeting with you & Alexis, I think she is awesome, as are you. :-) My parents were pretty strict when I was growing up. I was told NO a lot. But it taught me good behavior, gave me a conscience and made me respect my parents a great deal.
Oh, and that picture? It's freaking priceless.
I'll let you know when I got to the outlets. Not sure when I'll make it there...
Right there with you girl. Trailer trash girls, UNITE! :)
I do NOT get the fancy preschool thing. I didn't go to ANY preschool. Graduated with a 4.0, scored a 1200-something on my SATs, went to an excellent college (that I paid for myself with loans, thankyouverymuch) I don't think it makes a lick of difference. 99% of it is parenting (and probably a little bit of genetics, heh) My parents did an awesome job, as did yours... and so are Alexis's parents.
I tend to have a bit of a chip on my shoulder when people make comments about our comfortable living situation now. Most of the time, they have NO idea what it was like for my sister and me growing up. Not that we were starving or anything, but... well, you know what I mean.
Our #1 goal with Maggie (and any future kids we have) is to make sure that, even though we'll likely have the means to give her pretty much whatever she wants, they will NOT get it for nothing.
You are my hero :) Love, A Fellow Trailer Trash Mom.
We try to teach our kids that money isn't everything, you work hard for what you have, you are grateful for the things that you do have and nobody is above anyone else because of the money they do/don't have. So happy to know that we aren't the only ones!
I didn't even know that there were elite preschools!!
Good Job Mama!! Keep doing what you are doing, Alexis is a great kid and she will be successful in knowing how to be kind, caring and compassionate!
I think it's needless to say here that Karma is an absolute bitch. I bet those assholes who picked on you in highschool went to an audition only pre-school. Alexis will thank you one day, don't let anything get you down. You're her mom and you're doing the absolute best thing for your daughter.
I went to a pre-school run out of the teacher's home. absolutely no frills. i graduated college in 3 years instead of 4 & i can color inside the lines/share.
:) hang in there xoxo
Audition for pre-school????Give me a break. Thank God my kids are grown.
If you judge what a person becomes by what they did in preschool,One of the boys in my son's class should be doing 5-10 years in Wetstern Penn by now. Instead he is just finishing law school. Which he paid for himself, by the way. He used to come into the classroom every day and say "Good Morning Mother F**kers." The teachers almost fainted.
The next time she says something to you tell her how much easier her kid will be able to get heroin in most of those "elite" schools when she's older.
I lurve y'all.
We weren't that poor, but I had to pay for a lot of things myself also. I had hand me downs from my older sister that were good enough and if I wanted new, I could save my babysitting money to get it. That's how I bought my first pair of Nike's. My Jordach Jeans came from Marshalls and were irregular. Now when my daughter struggles with everything her friends have handed to her she gets frustrated, but she gets it. She has to earn some things and pay for some things herself and she respects them more. We recently bought her her first cell phone. She told us she would not throw it against the wall to break it so she could get a new and improved one. Of course she knows that would be stupid because we would not replace it, she would. But how sad is it that many if not most of her classmates do have this mentality and that is why she said it.
As for the preschool. You said it best. Alexis is lucky to have you for a mom (and her dad, too.)
And here I thought preschools were free, but what do I know?!
That picture is just the BEST!!! Love it!! It is making it really hard for me to gather my thoughts!
An involved parent is worth more than any "elite" school.
Love this post!
Oh my holy hell yes!!
Love the picture. Alexis couldn't do better in any overpriced pre-school than she does with y'all.
MWAH
Best. Post. EVER.
You are so RIGHT. My problem? I came from where you did and we're no longer there either. But my kids? I don't want them to be the kids you described. Sigh. I'm scared though, it's great that we can give them so much, but I'm worried too that they won't know how to get it themselves...
Great post you couldn't have said it better!
Earning and paying your own way are the best ways to be. Depending on others to pay your bills and buy you things only works for children. Once past high school they should definitely be learning the value of earned money rather than handed to me cash. I own all my stuff too, paid for with my own hard earned wages. It's a great feeling.
I LOVE that picture and I LOVE this post. You can truly appreciate everything you have because you worked hard for it. I too refused to give in and send my girls to the "elite preschools" because I wanted them to know what it was like to work for what you get. No one should ever put you down for doing what is best for your child so shame on them! Alexis is lucky to have you! : )
The photo should be framed. That is how a family photo should look :)
"We will require that you earn what you get."
Thank freaking God I'm not crazy for thinking the same thing. We were watching Desperate Housewives sunday night and heather kept yelling at Susan for being a tool on getting her kid into an elite school.
I want the best for Jackson when he's born and will do whatever I can to provide that but the kid also needs to learn the value of hardwork.
This is a fantastic post.
I wonder just how many of those corporate CEOs now receiving billions of our tax dollars had parents like you.
I think ZERO
It starts and ends in the home.
What a refreshing post!
I grew up poor too. Very, very poor. We didn't live in a trailer only because we lived in the tiny apartment above my grandmother's. And I mean TINY. I went to an urban district school for 13 years. I was never handed anything.
I, too, worked my ass off for every ounce of success I have and I'll be damned if any kid of mine will think it exists any other way.
(Standing up and applauding!)
Well done, Mom! I also grew up poor and have always worked (except for 2 years that I spent at home with the kids). Even with my physical challenges, I continue to work HARD and go to grad school. I was raised by parents who believed in the value of work, and I am the same way. My son? Makes me proud every day. My daughter? She is still waiting for her personal bailout. Go figure....I didn't raise her that way.
I know Alexis is going to be amazing, always. She has a great mom!
Peace - D
I can't believe preschool is an issue with people. You guys keep doing what you think is right.
They actually AUDITION kids??
Like Kell said, Karma is a beautiful force. Mother Nature takes care of her good girls, and the bad ones? She drops a house on their prissy a$$.
May the snobby girls who wouldn't take a ride home from track practice in my father's farm truck because it was rusted and might wound their image someday get what they deserve.
Prissy preschool? Once upon a time there was no such thing as preschool at all, and we all turned out alright, didn't we?
*Applause* The elitists can bite me.
The happiest and most successful people in the world worked their way there. Parents do their kids a grave disservice when they give them everything. Alexis has an awesome set of parents.
We have more in common than I originally thought.
I could have written this post down to the hurt someone made you feel about the elite school. We turn into momma bears for our babies. Not to worry darlin, you're doing right and good.
I take from this post that you are living pride in yourself and the importance of work as lessons for Alexis. Good for you. We all know that they watch us way more than they listen to us. I have my daughter in a independent school right now because we couldn't find daycare near her school and it makes me kind of squirmy. The cost is the same as what we paid last year for daycare but the idea of her not being in public school makes me squirmy. I hope that she doesn't notice.
What an excellent post. And I adore the picture.
I can't wrap my head around having auditions for preschool. WHAT?
I grew up in much the same way (although in a rental and not a trailer, but it's the same mentality/treatment). I worked my butt off to get the things I wanted and never expected someone to hand me something, although I was treated very well by relatives who did have more. My kids are hopefully being raised with the same mentality. My Oldest Boy (age 6) already earns money for "chores" (a quarter a piece!) and he then uses that money to buy things he wants. He's learning that things actually DO cost money and don't just show up because you want them. Some parents are ridiculous! Ignore them!
Amen. Seriously. From one ghetto girl to another. You're a great mom. Don't let any snobby twit try to make you feel otherwise.
Working to get everything you have is a positive thing. It is SELF RELIANCE and it makes you a better person. Just reading this post alone, tells me you get it. You are raising a good person.
I am so proud of you!
Awesome post. A friend of mine married into a wealthy family, got divorced and raised her two daughters pretty much by herself. Through the years, her ex in-laws set up and contributed to huge trust funds for both girls, but she never let the girls know. She raised them to always take responsibility for their actions and earn what they had. They both went to college through scholarships, working and loans. One works for CNN & one is a nurse. I'm 100% sure they didn't go to a preschool where they had to audition. Things are worth more to us when we have to earn them.
I love this post. I was just thinking about this yesterday. Madeline is only a year, but I know that we'll send her to a private preschool, church-sponsored. Not because it's elite, but because the public preschools in my town tend to have 30-40 kids, which I think is too many to focus on anything.
ANYWAY when taking her to the pedi yesterday we drove by a Montessori preschool - one of those buildings where you know it's going to cost $5 to walk in the door. And I had a moment of doubt, like "Why haven't we even considered that?"
This is why. Because I want her to know the value of work. I want her to go to school amongst a variety of people, not children all the same due to social status, etc.
Great, great post, and fabulous mothering.
Amazing post. Really, amazing.
While I have slightly different feelings regarding sending my son to schools that make you audition (which, I'll admit is absurd at PRESCHOOL) I do think your story is amazing. I can't say I have the same story, but I *did* grow up poor, living in a house owned by my Mom's friend while my mom was on social security disability. But I was lucky, because my mom was well educated and fought for me to go to a wonderful private school. It was that, or one of the worst public schools in the city of Pittsburgh, where, honestly, I wouldn't have made it.
Bravo to you. Alexis is lucky to have such an amazing mother.
Love this picture - so perfect for this post. :-)
Also love the post. Alexis is a smart chick with smart parents, and shelling out a bunch of money for a preschool isn't really gonna give her anything she doesn't already have at this point in her life, y'know?
I completely agree. I would not send my kid to some snob school...I've thought about sending him to the local Catholic school, because I've heard good things about it, but it is not a stuck-up school where only rich people go. A lot of our local doctor's send their kids there, though, and I don't want him to see them getting everything and thinking he doesn't have to work for what he gets.
I say those people can shove it. you send her where you think she should go.
Okay, first off, I commend you for working as hard as you did, (and still do), to rise above your circumstances.
I am sure that there are snobby kids at those schools, whose parents hand them everything, but I also think there are parents who work their ass off to send their kids to those schools just so they will have opportunities that maybe they never had. There are kids at those schools who receive scholarships.
The kids at my "dream job" went to Winchestor Thurston, and they( and their parents) weren't snobby at all. They were some of the most creative, intelligent kids I've ever met. Then, there are people I know who came out of a school barely able to write a coherent sentence.
I guess what I'm saying is, yes, I think it is entirely possible to get a good education at a public school. It depends on the school, the teachers, the parents, and the kids motivation. I also think it is possible to go to a private school and not only get a good education, but come out a good person. Geez, I guess I've been thinking about this a lot lately!
I'm sure you wouldn't be surprised to hear that I agree. I have little patience for spending tuition type money on pre-school and even less patience for just handing your children everything.
And kudos to you on the whole boot strap thing.
I agree 100%. I never went to preschool, repeated Kindergarten, and wasn't one of the "chosen ones" that was placed in challenge classes in first grade, and I have made it pretty darn far in life. It is all about working hard for what you want, and not getting it handed to you. Great post :)
This is a great post! I think Alexis is so lucky to have level headed parents.
I didn't grow up poor, but I was not handed one thing I didn't earn, I think it is a wonderful thing to know I earned everything I got.
Great picture!
I agree, those preschools are crazy!
I think, no matter if you are born wealthy or dirt poor, just set an example and teach your kids the importance of hard work and not depending on anyone other than yourself. Just as there are spoiled rich kids who are handed everything and spend their life with an elitist and selfish attitude, there are also spoiled poor kids who spend their whole life depending on the government's handouts and never learning the meaning of working your ass off.
What a great post! You are inspiring and will definitely turn out one terrific kid there.
You know it was the same way for me. I spent entire summers working in the hot Fla. sun in the fields just so I had clothes for school, as well as providing for my brothers and sisters. It built something in me, that I wasn't afraid to work to get what I wanted, to survive. I tried to smooth the road for my daughter and let her go to college with no hardships.
Perhaps she's too much like her mother and could only learn the hard way. After a year she dropped out. Now she is working harder than ever at a low paying job, going to school and keeping her own home while her husband is off in Iraq. The kicker is this hardship is teaching her far more and giving her strength she wouldn't of had without these lessons.
I think Alexis has a great foundation to start out with. (Hugs)Indigo
P.S. I absolutely love that family photo!
I'm so with you! It's crazy really! The owners of my old company sent their kids to an elementary school that cost more than The University of Minnesota! They're being robbed...
My friend who is a teacher interviewed at a fancy private school and found that they offered $10k less a year than the public schools! So where's the money going???
Auditions for preschool!? That's ridiculous! I totally agree with you. Love the silly face picture!
This is one of the most valuable lessons we can teach our children. Alexis is a lucky kid. Though she probably won't realize it until she is much older.
Shame on the person who critized your decision. No one knows better what is good for your kid than you. I deplore people who hide behind their computer screen and cast stones at others. Just dirty!
I'm one of those kids who was handed stuff. And I laugh at those snobby folk, too.
It's not where you go to do your learning that matters. It's what you do with the opportunities you're handed.
(Okay, that said, I won't leave our school district 'cause of their special ed for my kids. It's the best in the area. And one of the reasons I love it so much is the head teacher, who is all about having the kids, even in kindergarten, step up and take responsibility for their own actions, their own schoolwork, their own EVERYthing. She's helping give my kids that attitude of "It's what you make it and I'm going to make it rock.")
Amen! That is the stupidest mess I've ever heard. Who teaches you how to count isn't nearly as important as you knowing what counts!
A-freakin-men! I made just as much as my parents combined when I was working part time (well, 4 part time jobs concurrently) in college. Last year my DH & I made about eleventy-billion times what they make in a year, and we were able to make the decision to NOT have me work and be a stay at home mom because we can afford to do so on just his salary.
My younger sisters, on the other hand, were taken wherever they wanted by my parents (even though they never paid for gas and *I* had to take the bus or find a ride if I wanted to go anywhere), and my younger sister just started growing up (at 23) and taking charge of her own life. My youngest sister (at 20) wants to get knocked up so she can quit her job and go on welfare, the lazy bum. (and yes, she seriously told me that).
It's like what Judge Christina said today on her show "and you wonder why America's youth don't seem to have any moral fiber any more" (or something like that).
Awesome...just awesome! I came from money and wanted for nothing but a relationship with my parents....didn't happen. And I can relate to your story, in the sense that through my daughters...having them and raising them and molding them to be what they want, it taught me many lessons. To me it doesn't matter that I came from money, as an adult, I don't any longer. I am no longer 'privileged'. I struggled as a divorced single mother. But I have the MOST awesome daughters and teaching them the value of a dollar rocks..especially when I learned it in my last 20's. You rawk momma and Alexis is LUCKY and BLESSED to have you as a momma!