The Tale of Captain John Smith and Pocahontas (With a Side of Mermaid Barbie)
Once upon a time, there lived a woman with wild hair. Her name was Pocahontas.
One rainy Christmas day, she met Captain John Smith. Upon seeing his super sexy boots, she instantly fell in love.
Captain John Smith loved her right back. I think it might have been because she has cute feet.
All was perfect between Pocahontas and Captain John Smith. They played together, they laughed together, they even laid in uncomfortable positions on wood floors together.
Then one day, Mermaid Barbie came along.
Captain John Smith wasn't sure what to think of this stranger with the scaly fin. Until he saw just how bendy Mermaid Barbie was, that is.
Captain John Smith tried to ignore the hot bendy blond, but she refused to go away.
At first Captain John Smith tried to make things work with both women.
But Mermaid Barbie was having NONE of that nonsense. She gave Captain John Smith an ultimatum. And a kiss.
According to the Puppet Master in our story, Mermaid Barbie wasn't just bendy and hot, she also had a lot of money. Captain John Smith just couldn't say no to that winning combination so he kicked Pocahontas to the curb and settled in for a life with Mermaid Barbie.
But, alas, Captain John Smith was a good-for-nothing cheating scuzzbucket. He had cast Pocahontas aside for the hot bendy blond, but karma would soon come back to bite him in the plastic ass.
Captain John Smith found himself alone, with only his boots to keep him warm.
Serves him right.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Reader Comments (26)
Is that a tramp stamp Captain John has on his lower back above his green undies?
Manwhore
Yes, yes it is. It's a series of numbers. Probably his phone number or his inmate number. Or both.
Bwahahaha! I've never had so much fun playing dolls. So where was Ken in all this brouhaha? (winks) Life just keeps getting more complicated.(Hugs)Indigo
That is hilarious! Kind of reminds me of the time my then 5 year old nephew lined up all of my daughter's Barbies completely topless. Like he was comparing them or something. He turned about 19 shades of red when we caught him. . .
OMG i'm laughing so hard!
fun fun fun!
Sadly, Pocahontas becomes yet another raven-haired beauty cast aside for a hot bendy blonde.
Mermaid Barbie smells like a fish. 'Nuff said.
Captain Smith should have stayed with the dark haired girl. Dark haired girls > blonde girls with no legs.
I think you and Alexis should write children's books. :)
@james bainbridge--The blond is missing more than just legs . . .
Alternately titled "As History Turns." Thanks for my laugh for the day!
"Plastic ass" made me laugh out loud.
Jack Ass... It's always the blond who wins, but from the sounds of Johns character, she didn't really "win" did she?
Well, flexibility is really a tempting trait to have, now isn't it?
Love this post!
Love it.
Hysterical! I love it!
OMG. You make me laugh so hard. Thank you.
Who among us could resist a rich, flexible, fish woman.
Loved this!
But I was hoping that the last pic would be the mermaid running off (or swimming off) with Pocahontas. Just for an interesting twist on an old tale.
Bwahahahahahahahahahah...that was AWESOME.
LMAO I love it!
I *love* hearing the stories the girls come up with while they're playing Barbies. Last time, Barbie was sent to jail because her house was dirty. I would so be a felon by now.
Alexis's tale still tops them all!
Woman, I love you :-) BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA
Love it! Why is it that someone always ends up naked when Barbie's are involved?
Too damn FUNNY!
he's even wearing a banana hammock
skanky man ho
Huh. I never would have imagined that men wore Speedos back then.
Who knew?
Mmmmmm