All Over the Place (In Writing AND In Life)

- Work has been interfering with my Internet time the past few days, and I do apologize. There are currently over 100 blog posts sitting in my reader summoning me, but I probably won't be able to get to them until Monday or Tuesday. Work has finally relinquished its hold over my brain, so if I can just knock out a few Toddler birthday preparations and help her enjoy her day however she sees fit, then I should be home free once again.

- Speaking of Toddler birthday preparations, due to Mr. Puff and Beep's failure to send me home Wednesday, I didn't get around to the cupcakes until today. I wanted to send them on Friday, but since nobody is going to put on their care face over the whole thing, I figured Monday would suffice. You must now marvel at the cuteness while keeping in mind that my husband thinks I should run around with a t-shirt that says "Domestically Challenged."

I totally rock the cupcake-making universe. Notice how they are in ice cream cones instead of wrappers? How considerate am I to realize that three daycare teachers probably wouldn't particularly enjoy rushing around trying to unwrap 20 cupcakes whilst the beasts clamber around them? (We'll just ignore how I'm giving the beasts a sharp pointy toothpick to poke somebody's eye out with since I couldn't think of anything else to use as the "stem".)

- Remember how my list of things I should do at home while Mr. Puff and Beep was holding me hostage included making Alexis a birthday t-shirt? Yeah, well it isn't quite done yet. I should be able to finish up in the morning, but it doesn't matter because when I opened up the mail this morning, I found this:

Karen. You rock, and not just the pony. Did you know that I LOVE surprises? Did you know that I was torn as to how deal with wanting "Little Miss I'm Two" needing to wear her special shirt two days in a row? Surprise! Now she'll have a shirt for each day! Thank you, thank you, and thank you.

As for the rest of you, get over to the woman's shop and do some damage already. I recommend this and this and this and I absolutely LOVE this. I want to see her shop welcome message say she's backed up until April. Go make it so. I'll wait.

(Just in case you're all "GAH! Enough with the Karen already!" can I just say, we've never met. Wanna. Gonna. Haven't. She just so happens to be good people and creates amazing things for kids. So this ain't no paid post, folks. Now go shop already!)

- Speaking of shopping, we ventured out into the world today to attempt to find something for Alexis for her birthday. We figured we should probably buy her at least one present. Mr. Husband REALLY wants to buy her a car so that she can run over the flowers in my garden and then test if it floats by driving it through the pond. Considering that right now she probably could drive it over the pond very easily, I suggest he wait a month or two and then get her some fancy wheels when it's actually warm enough to drive them. So, I grabbed a doll she's been interested in:

I don't think the damn thing is going to survive to see the morning. I don't know what the heck her name is, but Satan's doll is on my last nerve and she has yet to leave her package and enter Toddler hands. The stupid thing coos and cries and thrusts its arms around when it needs soothed. Which is all.the.freakin.time. It's allegedly motion activated, but the packaging failed to mention that all that has to move is one electron of a blasted molecule. It's supposed to stop when you give it a pacifier. Yeah, right. It won't shut up. I'm going to kill it.

- The Toddler's birthday commences in a matter of minutes. Let's just hope she doesn't decide to start the celebrations at 3:00 in the morning.

(BTW, I'm so sorry for the "electron" and "molecule" and, you know, big words up there. I've been hanging around about 150 Geotechnical Engineers for the past three days, and I think they may have inadvertently made me smarter. I mean really, I've been talking about micropiles and slurry walls like, I don't know, like somebody who actually understands what they are and what they do. Scary, I know. Oh, and I didn't go to the function where I might have met her. There weren't enough hours in the day nor apparently enough fabric to cover all the bits and pieces I prefer to have covered when I go to a work function. Could somebody please let the fashion designers of the world know that not all woman like to wear dresses that are so low cut their belly buttons hang out? Or that we don't all wear A cups? Thanks.)

Her First Minion

Once upon a time, there was a dog that liked kids. In fact, she REALLY liked them, just as long as they were served rare, with a bit of salt, and a side of bacon. And then came Alexis, and the dog formerly known as the Child Eater instantly underwent a personality change. I don't know how it happened, I don't know why it happened, I just know that Jasmine acts as if she can't imagine a world without Alexis in it.

And now that Jasmine has decided she will follow the Toddler's every command, I'm pretty sure Alexis can't imagine a world without her Jasmine.

A Temporary Change of Heart

Our driveway? Is full of more obstacles than an episode American Gladiator. The poor little Toddler couldn't walk into the house this evening because there was snow in her way. She stood and stared. And stared some more. And stared some more, in search of some way of getting around the vast chasm of doom.

When she realized that I really wasn't going to rescue her (since I was too busy photographing her misery), she wondered, what happens when a teensy little corner of your tennis shoe touches a itty bitty flake of snow?

I'll tell you what does not happen. The world does not end. Your shoe does not spontaneously combust. Glass shards do not become embedded in your eyeballs. Cockroaches do not crawl into your ears. Fire does not shoot out of your nose. Your pants do not fall off. Worms do not slither up your legs. Rabid rats do not gnaw on your knuckles. Snakes do not slither down your back. Ants do not take up residence in your diaper. Bacteria does not eat your flesh. Battery acid does not seep out of your tear ducts. You don't even fall over dead. Yesterday? Every single one of those things happened simultaneously when the Toddler was faced with the exact same dilemma. Today?

The screams didn't start until I had to drag her glove-refusing, hat-hating butt into the house before she froze her tootsies off.

I'm sure tomorrow she'll go back to fearing all things snow. Which is good, because I was hoping to use her snow phobia as an excuse to spend winters in Florida.