A Cultural Shift
I was chasing envy when I jumped aboard the monorail. Mr. Husband had been making memories with Alexis all over Disney World while I worked, and I was ready to get in on some that memory-making myself. Just as the ever present voice began to belt out, "por favor manténgase alejado de las puertas," a herd of teenage girls boarded the monorail.
As I squished into a corner to make room for the herd, I instinctively rolled my eyes. I had just heard an interesting-to-me statistic during the closing keynote of my conference, and there it was live and in person. In the 1960s 10-12% of people said they were "significant people" when polled. Now that statistic is closer to 90%. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, there's no denying that the quarterlife crisis is a real thing. Those girls are on the brink of discovering that they aren't as important as they believe. I hope somebody give them some floaties and helmets so that they survive the fall mostly intact.
I clutched the pole as the monorail began to move, not so much as to keep my balance but because I had just had the thought that some day I'm going to have one of those creatures of my own. A teenage girl. In my house. You all weren't there to hold me, so I had to depend on the pole to keep me from falling over dead with dread. Not helping: my eventual teenage girl creature will have friends like those teenage girl creatures.
ACK. ACK. ACK.
One of the girls, a tall brunette wearing shorts that would make Daisy Duke blush and a t-shirt that loudly proclaimed the name of her high school, started to tell her friends a story. She told them about how the previous night she and another group had been on the monorail leaving the Magic Kingdom when they had noticed a man. And "OMG, he was all by himself. How weird is that?"
I stood there on the monorail all alone. I guess I'm weird, too.
She continued on with her story, adding in the detail that the man was sitting on the monorail eating popcorn. Oh, and he was "Soooo creepy."
By that point in the story I felt like I was on a first name basis with Britney as she continued telling her tale. She had been using the pole like a stripper pole, dancing and generally having a great time, as another of her friends (Mandy, in case you were curious) took pictures with her phone. She described a raucous good time, a little bit of flirtatious crazy in the midst of the Rat's favorite mode of transportation.
I smiled a bit at the image because, really, who hasn't looked at those monorail poles and pictured Demi Moore swinging around with Def Leppard blaring in the background? But then she added in that Creepy Popcorn Guy just sat in that seat and kept eating his popcorn as she danced and her friend took pictures. A hefty dose of Judgy McJudgerton Speak dropped out of her mouth as she proclaimed him creepy and odd and generally a giant loser.
And I thought, when exactly did this happen? When did a guy sitting alone on a monorail eating popcorn become unacceptable while a teenage girl pole-dancing and letting a friend take her picture became The Norm?
Just get off my lawn, whippersnappers.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Reader Comments (17)
The "creepy" guy was probably afraid someone would think he was enjoying the show the kids were putting on, and would be spending the rest of his vacation in a jail cell wondering why he had to take the monorail that night. Silly girls are lucky he wasn't really creepy and that they can live to laugh about it. And why wouldn't pole dancing on the monorail be considered creepy, or weird at least?
I'm in complete denial that one that I will have 2 of those creatures in my house. If I think about it too much, I might run away from home.
@Roger--Based on the full description of the guy, I got the feeling that he was probably a Cast Member. Poor guy probably just wanted the hell out of there. ;-)
The lovely teenage years..
This is why I'm happy we're having a boy. There really are no good words for the way I loathe teenage girls. Teenage boys are irritating in a head-meet-desk kind of way but teenage girls make me want to rip my eyes out and set them on fire. And I've felt that way since I was a teenage girl. I keep hoping it'll fade with time but it seems to get worse.
I will never forget the time my dad was taking my teenage BFF and I to the mall, and he suddenly screamed, "CAN SOMEONE PLEASE FINISH A SENTENCE?!?" Or, the time, a car pulled along side my dad, and the girl screamed for my dad to pull over, because she was going to "beat the crap out of" my friend in the backseat. (Who had told her in the bathroom at McDonalds, "What are you looking at? You're just jealous that you can't wear this, you fat cow") My poor dad.
And @Jen's comment just made me laugh out loud. Literally.
I give the creepy man a load more principles on morals than I would the pole dancing teenager. My question is where the hell are the parents. How could they not know she wore those kind of clothes and acted that way. I honestly, don't believe this was just a show for her friends, her actions are more telling than not.
I raised a teenager, I would know.
So much for the innocence of Disney. (Hugs)Indigo
This makes me stabby and it happens all the time - a teenage girl basically does everything but take out a billboard, all "LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME!!!!" And then when someone actually looks it's "Ewww...he's looking at me - how creepy."
I'm sitting here in the throes of the same dread and fear: The Howler just turned 9. I'm also delusionally hoping that somehow, we will escape that whole horrid teenage girl thing.
We should just start stockpiling the antacids now, shouldn't we?
@Gina--Ding! Ding! Ding! I don't remember ever being that way, but it seems like half the teenage girls I see now do. Maybe I misremember?
Alexis is saying: "You and You and You - get off my monorail."
AAHH!! I feel the same way! I used to be a terrible teenager that rattled everybody's cages... and now they just scare me. I can't believe my sweet, adorable girls will be teenagers, someday. It's too much!
@Jen's comment also made me LOL. The rest of this post I was "la-la-la I can't hear you"'ing my way through.
As far as clothes: I am sincerely hoping Kate will be a goth, draped head to toe in black, and Flora will be a jock. A tall, skinny, dorky jock who likes jeans a lot. My only worry about Michael will be that he wears pants around his waist, not his knees.
I was a "look at me" teenager, but that's just because I felt like everyone was looking at me. It's being self-conscious, and, yes, sometimes it's a bad thing. But I dressed modestly and didn't pole dance for guys sitting alone on public transportation.
I just don't understand the super short shorts. Granted it was the early 90s when I was that age and we were swathed in flannel -- but I would have been MORTIFIED to wear shorts that showed my CERVIX.
And every time I encounter a teenage girl I call my mother to apologize for being an absolute ninny.
It scares the crap outta me. It really does.
I was such a horrible teenager that the fact that I have TWO girls is totally and completely horrifying. They're only two years apart and OMG I might die just typing this because I will definitely need much stronger medicine when they are 17 and 15. ACK!