A Skinny Girl's Rant
It's been at the forefront of my mind a lot lately, I suppose in part because of the now infamous Marie Claire post that made its way around the internet. I'm intentionally not linking to that trash, but if you missed it, there was a very poorly written blog post on Marie Claire's site in which the author basically said fat people gross her out. I think the intention of the post was lost in bad writing and personal demons, but, whatever, it opened up floodgates of anger.
Some of that anger was directed at skinny people. A lot of that anger was directed at skinny people.
It has always been OK to make jokes that anyone who is thin needs to eat a sandwich or must have an eating disorder or whatever. Ever since Alexis has grown old enough to sort of pick up on the body image issues around us, it has made me cringe to hear such things. It really doesn't matter whether it's a fat joke or a joke about someone being skinny, it's all inappropriate and dangerous. At least that's my opinion.
But it was during the American Music Awards that my head really exploded. It started with all of the comments about how thin Taylor Swift looked. Which, yeah, she did. However, she's like six years old and seventeen feet tall and whatever. It's none of my business how she manages to stay model thin. I saw tweet after tweet and post after post proclaiming her "too thin" and "sickly" and such.
Then Christina Aguilera appeared on stage wearing an outfit that I think could best be described as "unfortunate." Mostly it was unfortunate that nobody told her that the belt was too high and too unflattering, but the fact remains that nobody would look good in what she was wearing. Not even the "too skinny" Taylor Swift could make that mess look attractive. Of course, the minute Christina appeared on stage, people started to tweet that she looked "fat."
WTF?
No, really, DOUBLE-YOU-TEE-EFF, people.
There is no way on Earth that woman is fat. NO WAY. She's so tiny I could fit her in my pocket right alongside my life-size cutout of Taylor Swift. I'd still have room for Johnny Weir in there, too.
If Christina Aguilera is fat, then my goodness, I must look like a cow. WHICH I DON'T. I have a personal rule that I will never refer to myself as fat for as long as I'm wearing single digit sizes. Doing so is a lie. A big, fat lie. I'm not big and fat, and I prefer to keep my lies from being that, too. I may need to get more toned. I may need to work out more often. I may be better off if I were to lose a few pounds. I'm not fat, though. Not even close. And I REFUSE to give Alexis the impression that there is something wrong with how I look.
People, you can't complain that Taylor Swift needs to eat a sandwich and then ten seconds later call Christina Aguilera fat. I know they're in the public eye and we get to comment in all sorts of ways about everything they do, but the message we send to our kids when we can't get our story straight is a very scary one.
No wonder so many people wind up with eating disorders.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Reader Comments (38)
AMEN.
This coming from the girl who has to grin and bear it through my in-laws making jibes at my thinness, lack of boobs, etc. It hurts and sucks.
If you're famous, it doesn't really matter what you do, people will criticize. It' s an unfortunate byproduct of our shallow culture. We're just not happy unless we are crapping on someone.
Exactly!!! I'm so tired of that crap too and this constant criticism of all body types! Thanks for saying so. And yes... No wonder! I hope and pray my daughter can always be confident with her body. I will do my best to instill that in her, though I know it will be hard in these times...
Yes. Exactly. I know several women who are very thin. Genetics gave them crazy metabolism and they have told me time and again how hurtful the too skinny comments are. We forget in our fat-obsessed society (witness: the Christina Aguilera comments) that there two sides to that coin.
yes yes yes.
I'm out of shape. I'm not fat, but lets just say I could skip lunch and be just fine. Let's just go back to talking about Justin Beibers hair. I like picking on that better. I kid, I kid...
Love this post. Thanks...
It is the easiest thing to tear someone down; it is the hardest thing to build yourself up.
I can't handle the stupidity of any/all of those comments. I can't handle it at all. I'm currently battling my own weight issues, but I refuse to use the word fat in my house -- however poorly I feel right now -- because I don't want my sons to grow up with warped sense of beauty, size and all that freaking jazz.
Now I'm riled up.
And I'm too tired to be riled up. So tell people to shut up for me.
@Firemom--Since I've seen you in person recently, I think I can safely say you ARE GORGEOUS. Period.
addendum to: "People, you can't complain that Taylor Swift needs to eat a sandwich and then ten seconds later call Christina Aguilera fat."
"just after you've shared the rants you most loved about the Marie Claire post in Google Reader."
Due to PCOS/insulin resistance, I was 15+ lb overweight between the ages of 13-25. (You know, the exact years when you don't need ANOTHER reason to judge yourself other than just Being A Teenager/Early Twenty-Something.) So I heard my share of chubby jokes over the years, although I was athletic and really more thick-waisted than appearing truly overweight, so people classified me somewhere in between: Not Fat But Definitely Needs To Be Skinnier. Then when I lost a total of 40 lb at age 25-26, suddenly I was at the other end of the spectrum. "Are you sick?" "You're getting too skinny." People would comment on my lunch: "A sandwich and yogurt, that's all?" And I have to say, it wasn't fun on that end either. I felt like I couldn't win. (Side note: I was NEVER skinny even at my smallest, I was 5'7" and in the low 140s, a size 8/10, which just looked skinny on ME to everyone who knew me during all those years when I was quite a bit heavier.) Basically I've spent my life defending myself... first, that I DIDN'T eat junk food, even though I couldn't lose weight... and later, that I DID eat, even though I was smaller. BOTH sides were frustrating.
So I totally agree with you that people need to quit judging, period. I do not use the words "skinny" or "fat" in front of my two boys (nor do I use "smart" or "stupid") because I don't want them to label/judge others that way. I think it's especially hard on girls **BUT** exactly because of that reason, I don't want my boys calling girls fat or skinny, or only wanting to date skinny girls. I hope they'll be like their father (who dated/married me at 178lb, saw me drop down into the low 140s, still thinks I'm hot two kids later at 155) and see beyond the labels and standards and numbers that are often, sadly, a Bad Example to kids AND adults.
Great post. Alexis is lucky she has a great example to follow (in many ways :).
I love you.
Seriously. I danced my whole life and was in theater, so my life often revolved around how I looked in costumes and under bright lights. One day I pulled off an outfit well, so I was praised for how thin I was. THE NEXT DAY I wore something unflattering and was told I needed to drop at least 5 pounds.
Society is incredibly screwed up. There's nothing healthy about being too skinny, and there's nothing healthy about being incredibly overweight. Each person's body has a happy medium and sometimes that "medium weight" is not what the media classifies as good.
Screw the media.
I hope Alexis grows up and grasps this concept as well as you do.
I love this post.
@Melissa--In my head 5' 7" and a size 8-10 sounds "skinny." Not too skinny, but probably pretty close to ideal. Crazy how we all have different impressions of size, y'know?
@Bee--I don't even blame the media, entirely. We're the douchenuggets doing dumb things like wondering aloud if Aguilera is pregnant just because her stomach wasn't concave in a particular outfit for four minutes.
So, I run three miles twice a week, a bike fifteen miles twice a week, and I swim one mile once a week. I'm in shape, reasonably toned, and I wear a comfortable size 10. I can't imagine the stress I would have to put myself through if I felt like I needed to be a size 6, or even an 8. This is where my body is comfortable... big butt and all. I honestly don't think it's in the cards for me to be much smaller. And I'm good with that. And that's what I want my daughters to grow up knowing... exercise, take care of yourself so that you are at your very best, according to you, and not some ridiculous trumped up Hollywood standard.
Good grief, am I ever scared of the teenage years. It's so scary to think of all the things I want my girls to learn and all that makes it so difficult in this crazy world where we live...
Damn - I was going to tell you all about the Ugg products but I see someone beat me to it.
I've been both skinny and fat and yes - you do get criticized either way. It sucks.
All through high school I weighed a whopping 108 pounds. I was a size 5. And I never felt more awkward in my life. I told myself daily that my feet are too big, my nose sticks out too far, my face just looks funny, and dear god why didn't you give me boobs. But here I am now, a few years older, two kids later, and 30 pounds heavier and I've never loved the way I look more. I heard when I was younger that I was too skinny. Now I hear that I'm too big. I'm by no means overweight. But people still think it's ok to ask "wow, what happened to you?". I just tell them I finally grew into my feet and nose. Oh, and god let me keep my last pair of pregnancy boobs. But whether I'm being told I'm too small or two big it hurts to hear. I have a teenage daughter and to me it's so important for me to be happy with the way I look so she knows it's ok to not be a size 5. As long as we're healthy, active, and not devouring junk then it's ok to be who we are.
It gets worse as the girls get older. My now nearly 16 year old was convinced she was morbidly obese because of the junior clothing line. Do you know that she wears a 4 or 6 in regular clothes but put her in the junior dept and she is an XL and a 15. Nothing says high self esteem like putting on clothes that are at the high end of the clothing spectrum in a section. She cried and cried and I finally took her to the misses dept and viola problem solved. (Although not all of our problems can be solved that way)
My grandmother was morbidly obese (over 500 pounds at one point) so my view of body size is a bit distorted. I think more people should have my outlook. Too many people look at how someone looks and then deems them fit or unfit to hang around. Its sad. I am glad that my girls have my same outlook on others, I just wish they had it for themselves.
I feel the same way. I wear a single digit size and workout as much as my mommy lifestyle allows but I make sure that the kids know it is for me to be healthy, not a size smaller.
I was a dancer through childhood and a competitive swimmer throughout high school. I'm 5'7" and between the ages of 15 and 18, I didn't weigh more than 110-120 pounds. Then I went away to college and gained 20 pounds. And then I graduated and gained more weight. I got pregnant.
I still have trouble not thinking of myself as "fat" even though I now weigh in at 145 (a number I haven't seen in 8 years) and fit in size 10 jeans. I look back at pictures from when I was in high school and, yes, I was really thin. But I had also barely hit puberty and had no boobs. I'm sure people thought I had an eating disorder, but I didn't. I ate (a lot). I went to the doctor a few years ago, I was a little heavier, and they told me I needed to immediately lose 10 pounds because I was "overweight." Really, really?
I don't know where I'm going with this.
I guess I've been on both sides and now I'm at a comfortable place. I don't want to gain weight (although I wouldn't care that much if I did) but I certainly have no reason to lose either. I'm sure there are still people out there who think I'm "fat" but that's because we as a culture are always looking for someone to make feel badly about themselves so we can feel better about ourselves?
I'm rambling and haven't had enough coffee. I'm going to stop now.
All through high school, I thought I was fat. I actually had a healthy body image when it came to my life in dance and theater despite being told to lose 5 lbs or so now and then. I knew I was curvy (34 DD with a butt), and I wasn't rail thin like the other ballerinas (and there is a body type for ballet, but.. I think it is probably something you are born with - talent, etc. aside), but I was good - also a gymnast and into modern dance, so... all good. It was in school that I felt horrible.
A couple of my friends were very tiny - 90 lbs or so. My mom was tiny - 103 lbs when she got married. My school was preppy, conservative, number one at one time for teen suicide (I think way back - in the '70's possibly - before my time) - STILL number one for eating disorders and depression (like to this day, from what I hear). The area I lived in was very oppressive, cookie cutter, football player dating the homecoming queen, no one voted differently than the "norm" (or expressed opinion to the contrary) no one dressed "out of character", etc.
My Dad was international with his company, so we moved a lot, including overseas. His company was in this area, so we came back to it after a few years away. I was happy to be back (a kid - I didn't know any better - just that I felt back with my old friends) UNTIL this group of boys began to relentlessly pick on me - called me "fat", a "whale" - picked on my clothes, my "chubby" face, my lips (too big), my hair (????) - everything. Despite hanging with the "popular" crowd (my old grade school friends), I never had a date (no prom, school dances or movies for me), I was afraid to eat in front of people (no pizza out - no lunch at school), I cried a lot, I endured "ribbing" from my family (all skinny - I am adopted and the token "robust" Italian girl), I got nasty notes in my locker, I got pushed on my way to class.... Awful.
Here's the reality.....I was a size 4 or 6 in pants - 123 lbs, 5'3" tall - a small girl. YET - I went through years of low self-esteem, HUGE issues with food and body image - prevented me from making friends, following a career path I wanted to... More.
What freaks me out, when I look back, is that the girls even seemed to get into the act - laughing at me, etc. Partly, I think it may be because I came back looking a little "Euro" in this narrow-minded community (my clothes, hair, etc.) - my accent had changed, etc.
Anyway - WHY everyone chose to attack me for being fat is beyond me. Seems to be where we all go with our criticism when we can't put our finger on what bothers us.... about anything - ourselves, others, etc., and that is DISTURBING.
I have 4 kids - ages 3 to 14 (the bookends both girls). My 14 year old is a beautiful, robust athlete - 5'3", 140 + lbs or so - NO problems with body issue - her friends all similar to her in size, athletic ability (and I mean these girls are state-ranked swimmers, local cross country champs, etc.) - they go to dances, hang with eachother, love clothes, love sports, etc. HOPEFULLY, the tide is changing a bit.
Sorry for the ramble - TOO much coffee for me, AND I'm a fast typist. Also, this is a topic close to my heart (obviously). Nicely written post. And... seriously - wtf? Appalling how people "evaluate" others - especially women.
I had a horrible time gaining weight in high school and keeping it on due to health issues. Then, as an adult, I gained weight b/c those same health issues did a 180. I had to lose 100 pounds working my butt off and taking meds to counteract what we tried to fix in high school. It worked. Then I had kids. Now we have the same problem all over again, and the previous meds aren't working.
I get made fun of daily. I hear coworkers make fun of my weight. I hear people out in public do the same. I ignore it because, what else can i do? Be a hermit?
So, I've had it from both ends...you need to eat, jeez, and wow she's fat. Sucks.
I do think it's a case of "can't win" when it comes to what our bodies look like. According to traditional measures like BMI I have been close to obese for years, but my health is excellent and I'm not actually that big. If I go to a restaurant I am going to eat what I like and stop when I'm full. I can find clothes that fit me well and look nice. I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I am pretty and I am healthy and that I have people who love me, and THAT is what matters. My mother, who fought to gain weight her entire childhood and was forced to eat all kinds of things in that endeavor, has had the same struggle from the opposite side. Both of us have been judged and it sucks.
I'm also five months pregnant and while you would think that would be the time when people are all supportive, I get more comments than ever from strangers about what I am putting into my body, how much weight I am gaining (seriously - there is a weird preoccupation with how much weight pregnant women gain and very little of it seems based on the health of mom and baby). None of your business.
Do some of us need help for body and weight issues? Absolutely, and I'm not trying to minimize that. But in no way is some stranger being a jerk going to help anyone resolve anything, if it even needs to be resolved. That is between an individual and his or her doctor and loved ones.
@Silica--Oh, dude, the pregnancy comments are THE WORST. I gained 65 pounds when I was pregnant with Alexis, despite having no appetite and not being able to eat any of my favorite foods (the child prefers lima beans to chocolate and was making her preferences known even back then). People were constantly telling me that I looked better with "a little meat on my bones" which WTF? I got up over 200 pounds. Even at 5' 8", that's not "a little meat" and there's really no good that can come out of commenting about a pregnant woman's weight. It turned out to be mostly water weight, so apparently it's what my body needed, but it was still insane the number of people who thought it was appropriate to discuss it like I was a cow headed for slaughter.
i'm actually slightly offended at the "single digit sizes" remark. when i was in high school, playing soccer, softball and any other sport i could sign up for, i was the same height as i am now (close to 5'9"), a size 7/8 and i was a stick! now, 10 years later, i'm still the same height (obviously) but my pants size is in the double digits. not much higher than it was, but higher nonetheless. does this mean i'm fat? no, i'm frickin tall! and it pisses me off that people hear size 10+ and get all "omg you're not a 5? ick!"
people shouldn't judge themselves as fat or thin (period, but especially...) based on clothing size. sizes are very misleading. i can be a 10 in one store and a 15 in another but it's not single digits anymore! if you're in the healthy weight range for your height, congrats. it doesn't matter if you're a 5 or a 15.
I think people simply need to stop talking shit about others to make themselves feel better. And also, find something to do. And be less shallow. Because I get the impression that when we keep ourselves busy with, I don't know, trying to have a life, we seem to obsess less about celebs. Or at least pay attention to more important things, like whether they have talent. Which both Christina and Taylor do, so who cares what size they are? They are out there belting it out, and doing a pretty good job. They deserve to eat as much or as little as they want.
Also, I agree. And also, I am a little jealous that your size is in the single digits. But I still like you ;-)
Thank you for writing about this. It seems to be a lose-lose situation no matter what size a person is.
I was going to go into a huge rant, but I don't think there's enough room here - lol
@allison--TOTALLY agreed. It's not the size on the pair of jeans that matters AT ALL. Just saying that it doesn't matter what height I am, if I'm wearing a size 8, I best not be walking around constantly dissing myself and talking about how fat I am.
@Elisa--I'd argue that Taylor has talent thing, but I'm too lazy. ;-)
thanks for the clarification :)
@allison--Sorry to have not worded that more carefully in the first place. :-)
You said it all.
So, let me say this... I. love. this. and. you
Reason # 320 you rock my socks!
amen, amen, to you i say amen.
i wrote a similar rant after i was attacked for what my body looks like:
http://withlovefrompittsburgh.blogspot.com/2009/11/people-be-hatin.html
girl, i love you. even though i can't hug you. thank you for putting a voice to what so many women feel and experience.
I'll say it too. AMEN.
I have a good metabolism. It used to be great, but getting older + having kids + spending too much time sitting around = just good these days. I won't complain about that though. All through high school and college I dealt with people telling me I needed to eat more and heard the rumors people spread about my supposed eating disorder. So, let's get a few things straight. 1) I DO EAT! 2) I eat mostly things that are bad for me. 3) Just because I am thin does not mean I am healthy (see #2). 4) Being thin does not equal being in shape. To this day, even having gone up 3 pant sizes since college, people love to tell me I need to gain some weight. Unfortunately, I've also gone DOWN several bra sizes and have lost nearly all of my muscle tone.
It is not appropriate for me to tell you NOT to eat that brownie because you need to drop a few pounds. So why would it be okay to tell me I need to eat MORE? Or tell my friends that I'm anorexic? Or suggest to my mother that I may have a drug problem because I'm too skinny and look tired (even if you are my brother)?
I do my best to respect other people's feelings about their own weight or body. Please do the same for me.
This stuff really gets my panties in a wad. When I stand in line at the grocery store (which is WAY too often) and I look at all the magazine covers proclaiming who has the worst bikini bod, or who is "scarily thin" it makes me so angry I want to chuck groceries at someone. Have you ever seen a magazine cover proclaiming a male actor is too fat, or "scarily thin"? NO! No wonder women are so messed up and self conscious. It makes me ache for young girls who are so impressionable.
Some idiot called into a radio station recently saying she couldn't watch the show "Mike & Molly" because overweight people kissing made her sick. People were supposed to call in if they agreed. I couldn't switch stations fast enough. I didn't even want to know if there were more complete ignoramuses out there, but sadly I expect there are.
There is WAY too much focus on bodies in this country...and the perception of what is "good" is so distorted! I have a 13 y/o girl...5'5", about 140, wears a size 8/10 (depending on the clothing) in woman's clothing, plays basketball and softball and is in decent shape, yet kids at her school call her fat!! WTH?!?!?! I mean seriously, if she is fat, geez...what is most of America then?? My oldest (19) is built similarly and we went thru the same with her. Made me so angry! I am a big girl and it ticks me off when I see perfectly healthy women referred to as fat. Please. Someone tell me why a size 10 is considered a plus size?!?!?! Meanwhile, someone who looks unhealthy is considered the model body? Being underweight is just as bad as being overweight, so why is being so waifish the standard for beauty? My uncle's girlfriend actually said "OMG if I ever weighed 98 pounds, I would kill myself!" She weighs 92lbs (at about 5'5 I am guessing) and looks sickly. Why is that something women should want to aspire to? It is no wonder so many young girls end up with eating disorders. And those who are comfortable with their bodies or happy with they way they look, they are considered weird or crazy if their bodies do not meet the "standard." Really.
We should all be allowed to be comfortable with our bodies and not chastised because we don't meet some lofty "standard" that society arbitrarily has set for us all. Just to look at me and judge me, that's wrong. You (as in, society in general, NOT the blogger or any respondent!!!) have NO idea what I do or don't do, you just assume I sit on my couch and stuff my face and do nothing all day. How wrong you would be. And how sad it is that you are not happy with yourself so you must try to make everyone else unhappy too!!
i love this post.
i have thought of writing about this topic several times.
as a child/teenager i got called bean pole, spaghetti legs, knobby knees, etc.
talk about body image issues.
as an adult i get called a skinny b*tch...
more often than should be allowed.
and sometimes by my friends!
i have learned to let it go.
but now it's starting with my daughter.
apparently knobby knees are genetic.
if you can't say something nice...
jeez.
@cara--I think that's the part that bothers me the most. We have allegedly declared thin the ideal, but anytime someone is that so-called ideal, we tear them down. If only we could all learn to stop commenting about other people's bodies...
And this just amplifies my girl crush on you.
SING IT, sister. If people took a minute to think in terms of "healthy" and "unhealthy" instead of body image superlatives, it would be a giant step towards improving how we think - and speak - about others and ourselves.