All Dentists Should Just Line Up So I Can Punch Them
In the dark of the night, I have nightmares. Often the nightmares are often twisted and eerie and beyond interpretation, but there is one that doesn't require a psychology degree to understand. When I wake up shaking and clenching my jaw, it's because I had that nightmare where all of my teeth have fallen out.
The nightmare is going to come true some day. Really.
For as long as I can remember, I've had ridiculously stupid teeth. There are lots of explanations (not enough fluoride and childhood poverty issues are high on that list), but they don't matter. What matters is that no matter what I do, I get cavities. Lots and lots of cavities.
There's a pattern that I've fallen into where I go to the dentist, learn I have five or so cavities, and then return over and over again to have all of the decay fixed. Then it comes time for a routine cleaning and I'm all NO WAY. I know what will happen. I will be told I have five new cavities and I'll have to start the cycle all over again.
So I delay.
And delay.
And delay some more because at that point, it's downright embarrassing how much time I've let pass.
When I can't put it off any longer, I finally trudge into the office and listen to remarks about how Super! Very! Clean! my teeth are, but that I have a ton of new decay. If I can't go to the dentist without being told I need thousands of dollars worth of work, why bother? It's a one-sided battle that I can't win.
Just hand over the dentures and let's get it over with, you know?
I'm at the beginning of the latest cycle right now, with two extractions (I'm very attached to my wisdom teeth, but apparently two of them don't want me anymore), three root canals, and two crowns on the horizon.
JUST SHOOT ME NOW. GAH!
Sorry. I hadn't really pieced all of that together in one phrase before. Now that I'm staring at all of those words, I'd like to go grab a pair of pliers and just cut out the middle man. I hope my dentist enjoys the new car he'll probably buy with all of the money he's making from me.
ANYWAY.
During the first visit of the latest cycle, I was bitching and moaning and groaning to the dental hygienist that she can just shooooosh with her, "Your teeth are so clean!" commentary. I know that it's a compliment and that there is some value in my diligent brushing and flossing, but the compliment is worthless when I know what comes next.
Somewhere in between all my kvetching, the hygenist dropped a little bomb on me. "Have you ever researched xylitol?" she asked.
That sentence earned her my very best "WTF?" face, so she continued on to explain that xylitol is a sweetener that the government has been using to prevent tooth decay for soldiers that are deployed to places where regular brushing just isn't possible. The long of the short is that she was all, "Check it out!" and I was all ... I guess I can.
And now I'd like to punch a dentist or ten in the face.
WHY DID NO ONE EVER MENTION THIS TO ME BEFORE? WHYYYYYY?
Go ask Dr. Google for yourself (including researching the potential side effects), but I basically found that I will be investing in a heck of a lot of gum with xylitol in it. You have to have at least five exposures of xylitol per day for it to work, so I'm popping a piece of gum in my mouth every time I have something to eat or drink. In theory, it should put an end to the never-ending cavity invasion.
I'll let you know if it works for me. You know, after I've had the extractions, root canals, and crowns. Oh, and after I punch a dentist or ten in the face.
(This is the greatest thing to ever happen to Alexis, by the way. I am suddenly willing to let her have gum. Sometimes.)
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Reader Comments (18)
Tom's toothpastes have xylitol: http://www.tomsofmaine.com/products/toothpaste/product-details/simply-white-whitening-toothpaste
But I didn't know it helped. I need to start buying it again if that's the case. (remember, we get free toothpaste because of my MIL.) But I have what our dentist refers to as "groovy" teeth. And he doesn't mean "hip and cool." I get cavities as well despite having clean teeth. Sigh.
I thought I was the only one that had that nightmare. Same issues here....I too will be buying and chewing A LOT of gum!
There are also these: http://icechipscandy.com/
My dentist had two flavors (I think cinnamon and then coffee...I had the coffee and it was delish!) to sample when I was there last. Might be a good option in case your jaw gets tired of chomping on gum all day.
FWIW the teeth-falling-out dream is very common. Dream books {whatever they know} say it represents a fear of aging/the future. But, regardless, I'm sorry for your dental woes! I am also in a current period of delay and very anxious for the laundry list of things to come this fall. Joy.
I also have the teeth falling out dream. It's the only dream I have that reoccurs with frequency. Every time I wake up, I immediately run my tongue over my teeth to make sure they are all still there.
Ironically, I went to the dentist today. Two new cavities and I also need two crowns.
I can't chew gum because of TMJ. I kiinnnnd of dislike you for that awesome gum you get to try. Seriously though, I hope it works.
Oh, I so could have written this ....
The teeth-falling out dream? Check.
The cavities/getting them filled/postponing the cleaning dance at the dentist? Check.
The being told that one needs two extractions, root canals, etc.? Check. (My dentist once told me, in one visit, that I needed $10,000 worth of work. After insurance.)
I'm sitting here wondering if they make xylitol in its purest form so I can add to my coffee. (Gum, you see, tends to rip out all 11 of my crowns ....)
I sympathize, truly, I do.
I'm a hygienist who has never had a cavity and I even have that dream. I'm glad you are trying the xilotol, just remember to chew for only about 10 min or you might end up with a sore jaw. Xilitol is somewhat new in the dental world (a few years ago is when I heard of it), so, that's probably why you didn't hear of it before. I hope it works for you! Please don't punch me.
Ha-I have one cavity the dentist said was from OVER cleaning. In the meantime, I have a mouth of mess and every time they come up with a treatment plan, it is more than I am willing to add to the household budget. I think treatment plan is "estimate of horrid prices we hope to get from you." Then they start in on easy payment plans like some sort of horrible car salesmen. So, I avoid it and my mouth hurts and it gets worse. Periodically I Google all the horrible things that can happen. In the meantime, I just hate it.
If I skip a cleaning my teeth will rot right out of my head! I use ACT before brushing and started using a mouthwash too. I use Lavoris which is hard to find but it is the only one that still comes in cinnamon. I am allergic to Eucalyptus oil whichis found in most minty things. I used to dread going to the dentist but the past couple of years I have lucked out. I have a mine full of gold in my mouth. I have given up getting a crown w/o a root canal. I always end up having one anyway so why not just start there. Sorry about your woes. It is never fun.
my teeth are so bad. i cracked a filled one a few months ago!
thanks for the tip on xylitol. i'll check out the mints because while i love gum, i can only chew it for a while before my jaw rebels (possibly tmj, but don't tell my dentist).
I, too, have bad teeth. (And I always get the "but they look so NICE!" compliment...) Same reasons, but I go to the dentist RELIGIOUSLY because I figure the more he helps me clean them the better off I'll be, though my last few visits were to finish a new crown. >:( Buying more gum now...
I have the same issue with my teeth. I think its genetic because my mom is that way. I like to chew gum so I think that's helped as I have barely had any cavities the last few years.
My family has trouble digesting xylitol. We get severe gastro intestinal issues, if you know what I mean. Bad side affect. Hope it works for your teeth, though. Who knew?!
also tweeted this to you, but stumbled across this the other day. might be worth a try (i'm looking into doing it!) http://www.thehealthyhomeeconomist.com/how-i-healed-my-childs-cavity/
I have the same problem! My dentist gave me Kids Spry Tooth Gel with xylitol. I'm supposed to brush it on after my regular brushing at night so it can "soak" into my teeth. My next cleaning is in October. We'll see if it helped at all. Speaking of which, I better get back to using it! Oops!
Please remember that xylitol is very dangerous (even deadly) for pets!
Didn't have a clue that xilitol existed, now I am off to investigate but can't really punch my dentist since she is my aunt and gives me free cleanings.